March 7, 2011
By shadowcoven BRONZE, Austin, Texas
shadowcoven BRONZE, Austin, Texas
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

I walked up a hill dodging giant metal beasts, glaring with their never blinking, never fading eyes
that illuminates everything. Hiking that expanse I recalled my earlier actions prior to my
friends abducting me. Mother being her usual self, objected my association with the rowdy kids
from our neighborhood. As usual this altercation managed to escalate to a violent state as she
tried to physically forbid me to attend their party, ill language and screams of protest where the
last words my mother and I exchanged before I stormed out of the house. As I reached the peak
exhaustion overcame me, the smell of sweat and excitement filled the night air. I looked around
me to see a battlefield where everyone was fighting for their right to express themselves, taking
the burning liquid whenever their energy got to low. Bright lights flashed as if someone kept
flipping the light switch to the sun. People moved with fluid motions finding partners with their
dark shadowy doppelgangers as if to reenact a great ball. Comrades found me, seeing my
exhaustion they handed me a bottle of the burning liquid. A look of uncertainty danced across
my face, responding to the taunts they threw out questioning my strength, I tilted my head back
and let the thick liquid run down my throat. I felt the liquid burn my insides as it oozed through
me engulfing me in an intoxicating bliss. My vision blurred and I stumbled out into the crowd,
with my mind fogged I moved through the mass with fluid motions, as the bright lights danced
across my bare chest. My intricate movements attracted the eye of a very prestigious female; she
weaved in and out of the crowd never once being bumped into or even touched. The lights
flashed slowly now, each time the lights flashed she came closer until we were face to face. We
were inches away now, she danced in front of me, her revealing outfit so loose a gust of wind
would blow it away. With snake like precision she held me in her grasp, she opened her mouth
and in the cradle of her tongue rested a tiny, white little diskette. She leaned forward her soft
body sticking to me as if magnetized; our eyes locked and so did our lips. My senses exploded as
our souls intertwined, and in the midst of it all I felt the round pill in her mouth being pushed
into mine with her tongue. After what seemed like ages we pulled apart, I looked into her eyes
and understood I wouldn’t see her after this. Through the corner of my eyes I saw my friend’s
faces; worried looks clouded their demeanor, but I dismissed it easily, using a frosty bottle of
inebriation. Suddenly smoke filled the night air as if the field had caught on fire. I inhaled deeply
feeling my pool if intoxication get deeper and deeper, then I felt myself drift up to the heavens
where nothing bothered my ignorant bliss. I felt myself fading; I tried to take another drink; my
attempt was in vain, the burning sensation I previously had, is gone it ran down my throat as
easily as water would. Realizing I couldn’t take much more I sat down in a moldy couch. As I sat
there psychedelic images flashed and whirled around my eyes mixing in with the bright flashing
lights. Then in a flash of red and blue people ran away screaming trying to get away from the
predator. Confusion whirled around me as I felt my friends grab me and took me away from the
raging sea of hormones. I felt the mobility of my legs start to seep away; my consciousness was
slipping out of my grasp. I felt myself being hoisted up on someone’s broad shoulders. Dormant
fluids in my stomach were disturbed, bubbling and frothing, wanting to settle to be calm. My
body reacts in violent convulsions; the liquid I once took for my own entertainment was
becoming the source of my pain at the moment. Liquid spewed out in a projectile ark hitting an
unsuspecting passerby. Last memory I’m able to recall before losing consciousness was screams
of protest of a vomit soaked teen.

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This article has 8 comments.

on Mar. 30 2011 at 9:10 pm
Timekeeper DIAMOND, Cary, North Carolina
62 articles 0 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over a garbage can and says 'That's Punk'?, and I say 'No that's trendy'!"- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

I really liked it, but the formatting (lack of paragraphs) was really a strain on the eyes. I understand that's a Teen Ink related error though, so I don't blame you.

I'd really like to see what you can do with a longer work, with more fleshed out characters and plotlines, because you definitely have a knack for description.

PJD17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 4:37 pm
PJD17 SILVER, Belleville, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 624 comments

Favorite Quote:
I do the best imatation of myself- Ben Folds

i mean good work  god work might be exagerating a little bit.......

PJD17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 4:36 pm
PJD17 SILVER, Belleville, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 624 comments

Favorite Quote:
I do the best imatation of myself- Ben Folds

great story  god work

on Mar. 30 2011 at 3:48 pm
shadowcoven BRONZE, Austin, Texas
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
all who read dont forget to please rate :] thanks

on Mar. 30 2011 at 3:35 pm
JadeLaSalle BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
A man’s success should be measured ,not so much by the position he has reached as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington.

I dont know. I loved it really but the last line I will admit does seem out of place. I think the word child pops. Teen just seems...average.

on Mar. 30 2011 at 3:01 pm
DaughteroftheTrumpet BRONZE, East Aurora, New York
2 articles 2 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
Washington Irving once said “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.”

its good, but it is hard to read because it is one giant paragrpah, which makes it hard for the barin to process:) otherwise, it was very good, very vivd and impressive, soemthing that you could probably go somewhere with, like contest wise and such:)

on Mar. 30 2011 at 11:03 am
shadowcoven BRONZE, Austin, Texas
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
thanks. i have pondered the last line many times. i juggled many words such as adolecent or child but the simplicity of the word teen managed to stick with me

on Mar. 29 2011 at 9:03 pm
bekahtrib SILVER, Berwyn, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Ironically, this piece describes the raw ecstasy laced with anguish many of us experience beginning in our teen years and sometimes beyond. Having said that...I dislike your final line. As soon as you use the word "teen" I feel like you leave an afterstaste of cheapness that is absolutely not deserving of your writing. I think you should re-think it. Even the word "youth" would give this work more mileage.

 In all sincerity, I am a fan of your descriptions.Your writing is mature and very well executed. It stretches lengths beyond most of the work I have read on this site.



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