Singaypore

By , Palm Beach Gardens, FL
“Marque, just look at this place!” Jonnie sighs. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“It’s so pretty!” Marque exclaims.

“Yeah, but first we have to find out where the hoochie we’re going. What does this here sign say?”

They walk to a sign showing stick figures and red circles with slashes through them.

“Well, I guess you’re not allowed to do a lotta things,” Jonnie says.

“Oh well. We’re not going to get in trouble doing naughty things.”

“Nah.”

They stop on the sidewalk, looking around.
“Hey, look at that store across the street!” Jonnie says.

“Do you think they sell gum?”

“Hm. That’s funny. I haven’t seen anyone chewing gum.

“Didn’t you bring some? Give me a piece. And we gotta watch out for cars.”

Marque looks left, right, and right again.

“Okay. It’s all clear.”
As they start strolling across the street, Jonnie takes out two pieces of gum from his satchel, and hands one to Marque. He pops it into his mouth and chews it for a second, before spitting it onto the street.

“This gum is disgusting! I told you not to bring that Five gum. It’s flavor is way too strong!” Marque splutters.

“Oh, fine. But let’s see what this store sells. I can’t read what it’s called. It’s like in Asian.”

They walk into the store, and look around. The store is filled with random tourists items, like I <3 Singapore t-shirts and mugs. Jonnie and Marque examine various stuffed animals and assorted objects.

“Hey! A water gun!” Marque picks up a tiny blue water pistol, points it at Jonnie, and clicks the trigger a few times.

“This will be perfect for playing war in the pool!”

“Yeah!”

Marque brings it to the bored clerk, who casually scans it.

“And that’ll be $9.99.”

“Here you go!”

Marque stows it into his leather satchel.

“Ah, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“I’ll go with you. Gotta fill up this so I can have a little fun.”

They walk into the bathroom, and are instantly overwhelmed by the fumes of the human waste.

“Euughh. That’s disgusting!” Jonnie squealed.

“Tell me about it.”

After Jonnie fills the water gun with the tap water and Marque finishes his business, they quickly leave the store.

They walk down the sidewalk when they suddenly hear the sound of sirens.

“Haha, I bet someone did something bad!”

“Yeah, I wonder who it is.”

A police car pulls up and a burly officer comes out.

“Oh, hi!” Jonnie says cheerfully.

“You’re under arrest,” the man replies, taking out two pairs of handcuffs.

“Wait, what?”

“What did we do?”

The officer pulls out his clipboard.

“Let me see. Our cameras caught you spitting, chewing gum—”

Jonnie held out his hand. “Wait, what? We can’t spit?”

The police officer points to the same sign showing illegal things in Singapore.

“As you can see here, spitting,” he says, pointing to one of the hundred red circles, “is illegal.”

“Oh, fine.”

“Anyways, spitting, not flushing public toilets—”

“That wasn’t us! Other people didn’t flush!”

“Too bad. Not flushing toilets, jaywalking, possessing a firearm—”

“What firearm?” Marque’s eyebrows came together.

“That,” the officer said, pointing to the gun. “That could seriously harm someone.”

“But that’s ridiculous! It shoots water!”

“Prove it can’t hurt me. Shoot your friend here.”

“No! That’s my date!”

“Homosexuality is not allowed. That’ll be another offense.”

“But that’s not fair!” Jonnie protested.

“Life’s not fair.” The officer handcuffed both of them together and shoved them in the backseat of the car.

“Could you tell us what will happen to us?”

“Well, for all your offenses, there will be 20 lashes with a cane. So, um…” He trailed off, counting with his fingers. “That will be around 200 lashes each, plus life in prison for possessing a firearm.”

“What! But—”

“Possibly the death penalty, too. Breaking so many laws, the judge might just order you to be hung on Friday.”





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