The Secrets of an Odd Couple

January 18, 2011
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I loved Jesse. Everything was perfect when we first met but everything good must come to an end. I’ll admit, it was my fault the perfection ended but I just knew what would happen if I hadn’t done what I did. And I knew Jesse would do just about anything for me. Well anyways, I’m not going to tell one of those quixotic love stories because well, those are boring. I’ll jump right into the visit Jesse and I had with my parents.

Ding dong.

“I’m so nervous, are you sure they’ll like me?” Jesse asked for about the billionth time.

“Of course, how could they not? You’re like a phoenix,” I replied, feeling debonair.

“Great. So I look like a bird. Gee, tha-,” Jesse was abruptly cut off by the sound of footsteps approaching the door. Someone excitedly swung the door open.

“Nick, sweetheart!” my mother exclaimed as she drew me into a hug. “Oh, and you must be Jesse! So nice to finally meet you, honey.”

“Err, mom it’s kind of cold out…” I started to awkwardly hint. Luckily she understood.

“Oh, yes! Come on in, make yourselves at home. Nick, I’ll go get your father,” and she swiftly glided out of the room and up the stairs.

Jesse had started to talk but I wasn’t listening. I could see my father now, what would he say to me? After leaving the house at seventeen he wasn’t exactly the most caring person.

“Nick? Nick! NICK!” Jesse was now shouting in my ear.

“WHAT?” I retaliated.

“You were just a little out of it that was the seventh time I said your name. Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale,” Jesse explained gently.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t know about my dad, that’s all,” I tried to keep a calm tone in my voice.

Just then we heard the gentle pattering of people coming down the stairs.

Great. They’re already arguing and I’ve been here all of ten minutes. Just like old times.

“Well look who it is. Pleasure to see you, Nicholas,” my father said sarcastically, the words burning in my brain where they would remain the rest of the night.

“Hey dad, you look good,” I said, trying to sound as sincere as possible.

Before he could come up with a smart remark my mom cut in, “Dinner’s ready.”

“Wait,” I said. “Dad, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my dad.”

“Oh, great,” my dad remarked and then stalked off towards the dinner table.

We had all just gotten settled and were enjoying our nice meal in silence. Of course my mom wants to break the silence though. My dad and I were already in a silent fight and we hadn’t even finished our first meal together yet.

“Jesse, you have such beautiful hair. Have you ever dyed it?” my mom awkwardly asked.

“Mom, why would you even-,” I started but Jesse interrupted me.

“Oh, it’s no problem, Nicky. And no I haven’t but thank you,” Jesse replied politely.

Ugh. Here we go again with my mom’s creepy questions. She used to question all of the people I dated in high school as well, looking for something to feed off of.

“What kind of shampoo do you use?” my mom continued.

“Garnier Fructis,” Jesse complaisantly answered.

“Oh, very nice,” my mother declared.

After that Jesse and I decided to go to bed. Everything was well until the morning came around and my mom had forgotten to buy milk. We decided to quickly run to the store and pick some up. While my mother and I were at the store Jesse had quickly popped into the shower. My father had not realized at the time that it was Jesse in the shower so he proceeded to waltz in to grab a face cloth. Unfortunately he had taken a quick glance around the bathroom and saw some very familiar looking black hair on the floor. He crept over and picked it up, Jesse’s entire wig. He dropped the wig and left the bathroom, as though it had never happened.

Jesse came out of the bathroom just as soon and mom and I arrived home.

“Enjoy your shower, cupcake?” I asked while mom smirked.

“I feel so refreshed!” Jesse replied.

Just then my dad walked into the kitchen. He and my mother said their hellos while Jesse and I chatted a little bit as well.

All of a sudden my dad turned around at spat at Jesse, “Take that Goddamn wig off, you fake.”

We all just looked at one another in shock. I’m sure my mother was thinking how much of a psychopath my dad must seem at the moment. Jesse and I just exchanged a look that said, “How in the world did he know about that…”

My mother got very angry at that point and started to shout at my father, “How disrespectful of you! What if she were to have cancer or something, you ignorant twit!” and her philippic continued for quite some time after that.

“Mom, I think we should talk about this,” I said to her gently.

“We’ll talk in a minute, Nicholas,” she angrily spewed threw her gritted teeth.

“No mom, now,” I retaliated rudely. “Jesse, come with us please.”

“What do you want, Nicholas Jacob?” my mother said, flames shooting out of her ears.

“I don’t know how to say it…” I began.

“For God’s sake, Nick. Spit it out,” she yelled.

“Jesse is wearing a wig,” I stated.

“… So what?” she remarked.

“Jesse is wearing a wig because he doesn’t have hair. Well he has a little but not enough to pass for a girl,” I explained.

“Are you trying to tell me that your girlfriend is a man?” she said, extremely unsure of herself.

“Well not girlfriend,” I started. “Jesse is my boyfriend, mom. Please don’t tell dad yet but I’m homosexual,” I said. Lord almighty, that felt good to say. I felt like my mom was handling it pretty well considering she is a devout Catholic.

“Get out,” she said to me.

“What?” I asked, terminally confused.

“Get out of my house. The Bible states it is a sin to be homosexual so you are not welcome back into my house until you are cleansed. Now, leave,” she said, her words slowly breaking apart my heart, piece by piece.

Quickly, Jesse and I grabbed our belongings and headed out the door. But as I was about to step out the door I felt something graze my arm. I looked behind me and there was my dad. He slickly passed me a piece of paper and shooed me away. When we settled into the car I read the note from my dad:
Dear Nick,
You know this isn’t easy for me but I have never been more proud of you in my whole life. Your mother just has no idea how to deal with this but she will always love you. I apologize on behalf of her reaction right now and I want you to know that you’re always welcome back here. Don’t forget, Nicholas, I love you and I’m your father.
Love, Dad.
I had never felt happier in my entire life.

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