Me, a Bird, a Muffin, and Kurt. (And Ed, I suppose. But I don't like him as much.)

November 20, 2010
By Anonymous

I’m sleeping in my bed.
No, wait. I was sleeping in my bed. Now I’m awake.
(It’s hard to keep this kind of thing straight early in the morning).

What am I doing awake this early? Hmmm. Good question. I’ll have to think about that one.

Okay, I’ve got it now. I’m awake to because something woke me up. A bird, to be exact. It’s singing “Wake up! Wake up!” right outside my window. (Now that I think about it, it’s kind of an annoying bird.) I roll over on my side and ignore it.
“Wake up! Wake up!” It trills.
I continue ignoring.
“Wake up!”
I’m not listening! La la la!
Whoa. This is one persistent bird.
“Wake up!” It warbles. “Make up!”
Makeup? Why do I need to put on makeup?
“No, no. Not makeup.” Sings the bird. “Make up! MAKE UP! Make up with Kurt!”

Kurt? Who the heck is Kurt? I turn onto my back, trying to remember, when I see a piece of paper taped to the ceiling. It has a frowny face scrawled on it. Who drew a frowny face and taped on my ceiling?

Oh, wait. I did that. (Like I said, it’s really, really early. My brain is just a smidge fuzzy right now.)

Okay, gotta concentrate. Hang on a second.

Yes! It’s all coming back to me!

I had drawn it because I was depressed. (When I’m depressed, I sometimes do strange things. Like when my gerbil died when I was eleven, I sat at my kitchen table all day, eating cornflakes and crying. I think I ate the whole box. But you don’t really need to hear about that.)

Back to reality. I had been depressed because Ed had just broken up with me at a party.

Ed the redhead.
Ed who never made his bed. (His bedroom was always kind of a mess.)
Ed, who suddenly “I think we should just be friends,” had said.

That Ed.

I was understandably distraught at the time. I liked Ed. Ed liked me. (Or so I had thought.) We had been such a cute couple! Everyone had said so. We went to parties together. Ed took me to dinner. Ed took me to dances. I gave Ed gifts on his birthday. I cheered at all his football games. I had thought we were in love!

Oh, that Ed. Really pulled the wool right over my eyes, Ed did. Stupid Ed and his stupid red hair.

I’m tearing up now just thinking about how sad I was when he suddenly dumped me FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
Look! The tears are practically rolling down my face!

Suddenly, my trip down the memory lane with Ed is rudely interrupted. By that darn bird.
“Make up with Kurt!”
Will you SHUT UP?
Kurt? Kurt? Who is Kurt? Oh yeah! That’s what I was trying to remember earlier.

NOW I remember!

Kurt with the cute blue shirt!
Kurt with curly hair the color of dirt! (But in a good way!)
Kurt who last night “I like you. Wanna go out with me?” did blurt!

That Kurt.

Kurt worked at the office supplies store at weekends. I had met him last month when I was buying paper to draw a smiley face to my relieve myself of my post-Ed misery. (We were out of paper that day.) I had seen him at school once or twice, but I had never really encountered him for more than two seconds at a time. Naturally, when Kurt saw me come up to buy my paper with my face covered with tears, he had asked what was wrong. (He’s such a gentleman.)

I was so upset, however, that when he started talking to me, I just sat down in the middle of the store and started sobbing hysterically. Kurt had looked alarmed, and had told his manager that he was going to take an early break. He took me downtown to a coffee shop and gallantly bought me a delicious hot chocolate. I told him all about Ed. He made me feel a little bit better. (A lot better, actually, but not so much better that I didn’t draw a frowny face and tape it up on the ceiling when I got home.)

Since then, Kurt and I had started to get to know each other. That boy was remarkable. I was blown away! He was artistic; he was thoughtful; he had a delectable sense of humor. I loved doing everything and anything with him. We were practically best friends! Yeah, I really liked Kurt. And I still do!
But here’s what happened. Last night, we were hanging out at the aforementioned coffee shop. I was having a very scrumptious muffin. (Another reason why I’m fond of Kurt. He has excellent taste in coffee shops.) All of a sudden, Kurt got this serious look on his face. I had a feeling that we might be embarking on a long and solemn chat, so I began nervously scarfing down my muffin as fast as possible. (I hate wasting a good muffin.)

Then, Kurt blurted. (If you don’t know what it is that he blurted, than you weren’t paying attention when I first introduced him.)

My face turned red. I choked on my scrumptious muffin. I had no idea how to respond. So I didn’t respond at all. I ran out the door, hopped on my bike, and rode furiously all the way home.

And fell asleep.

And was woken up.

By a maddeningly determined bird.

Who is still cheeping at this moment, in fact.

“Make up with Kurt!”

I have to do something about this bird. It’s driving me insane! And if I’m insane, I won’t be able to talk to Kurt! I probably won’t even know who he is!

So I now I’m springing out of bed. And I’m getting dressed as fast as I can. And I’m running out the door and leaping on my bike.

Time to go buy some more paper, I think. I hope I get a nice clerk.

“Make up with Kurt!”


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