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I'm Drowning In Forever Land

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As I walk through the white paint chipped door, my eyes begin to paint a picture of a puzzle with permanently lost pieces. The look on her face says that these pieces will never return, no matter how hard she tries to retrieve them. The never ending feeling of sorrow and loss permeates up through the hollow floor boards. My gut feeling is that I shouldn’t drag myself into this chaotic puzzle, but I can’t stop to wonder how I ended up here.

Time is fleeting, but the house brings to mind each vivid memory. As I look to the walls, I notice how they contain such strong emotion. I can see that the Walls have too, cried tears of sadness. Dark sentiments are conveyed through the white, uneven steaks falling from the red plaster. I sit and wonder how it is possible to endure the extent of sadness, to a point where even the frame of the house itself is affected by it. I lay my face on the sensitive bundle next to me, trying to perceive a small glimpse of hope, just for reassurance purposes. There is none, a smile couldn’t be seen from a mile away. This residence is truly the epitome of despair. My heart breaks as I take each mournful step, my body aches, wanting to fix everything in an instant. But I know the excessive amount of damage that has been done, and I know it is impossible to fix this. I am lost for words, and am at a loss of what to do.

I sit on his couch, focusing all my emotions and attention to the tiny, vibrant picture box. So many different lights and colors flood my imagination. I am engrossed in the color on the screen, knowing it is the only thing barricading the entire sight from turning into a black and white portrait. I can’t help but look at him next to me, as he puts his legs on top of mine. They radiate a hint of hope that he will be here forever, while the pain and sadness won’t. He knows that by doing this, it will force me to turn my face towards his. He sees the look on my face, the desire to fix everything wrong in his life. I see my eternity, and my tattered heart buried beneath his perfect cobalt, blue eyes. He pastes a forced smile on his tired face, trying to bring my some comfort. I watch as his awfully skinny body shrinks lower in the sofa. But I have seen that smile too many times, and this time I am immune. I try to forget about the pain try to bring my mind to a place where there is only happiness. But of course, the devil decides to sneak its cynical body into the room, unnoticed. As my condition, or perhaps my state of mind, repels every positive feeling and emotion out of my body in a nanosecond. My heart beats quick short beats, as I struggle to breathe, I feel like I am dying, or perhaps I’m just being strangled.

The spot where the wall and the nightstand meet, works perfectly. But I am not home, I am away. I force the dreadful mask on once again, which brings along a hated smile, and gleaming, however not so radiant eyes. I have gotten myself into someone else’s life, and someone else’s problems. I could never fully comprehend the fact that I am too deep in to have any chance to get out. Or did I just not realize that I’m just drowning? That gives me a glimmer of hope because everything in this world is temporary, even Death, even Sadness, even Him, and even my sanity. I look down at the icy waters and notice for the very first time that I’m drowning, in Forever Land.





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