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A Single Tear.
Pain. I welcomed it. Though it still couldn’t make-up for the pain you’d caused me.
“Whoa!” The first words that escaped my mouth when I first saw you enter the homeroom, exuding an air of confidence of an ex-student; rather than the shyness of a new-comer.
Everything about you attracted me. Your carefully tousled dark-brown hair, your fair long jaw, your sapphire blue eyes, your everything. As Mr. Meyers introduced you, you smiled at us. “Mamma Mia!” Your smile was bea-yoo-tiful! It was then that I knew I had to have you as my friend, best friend; and somewhere down the line boy-friend I hoped.
And so the process began. Luckily, for me we were assigned as lab partners which bought us closer as you knew no one. As the days passed, we exchanged numbers and the messaging began. Early-morning texts to late night ones, we talked a lot through smses. Simple and random conversations they seemed; but we learned quite a bit about each other through those random questions and silly fights. The simpleness and honesty attracted me more. And as a year passed, we became best friends. A few days into the new year, and I realized I had fallen in love with you. Hook, line and sinker; head-over heels, that kind of love.
I don’t remember much of our conversations but this one bit; when you tried to console me.
“ Hey! No crying!! I hate tears! :|” you sent.
“Can’t help it.:| :|” I replied.
“Yes, you can. You know, I always felt that only the weak and cowards cry over useless stuff.”
Anger flared through me. I was not a coward, and certainly not weak. But I also realized what the message implied. And I gave in, too tired to argue.
“:) No more tears then.”
I din’t reply.
“But you know, if you’re really sad and heartbroken…”
“Shed just one single tear.. deal?”
Looking back now, I realize how silly and naïve I was. How foolish I was to believe you when you said that those 5 minutes you always took to reply back, were because of network problems.
April 5th, 2010.
I remember having a weird feeling all day. You know, the something-bad’s-gonna happen one. The first half passed quite uneventfully. I looked forward to the next half, our classes together.
Judith came up to me in lunch, shoving her phone under my nose.
“What?” I asked her annoyed. I never really did like Judith, but you were always close to her.
I assumed she wanted me to read her messages, I took the phone from her puzzled.
It seemed familiar. It wasn’t until I came upon the last message that I realized what they were. They were OUR conversations. My messages in her inbox, forwarded from your phone to her’s. Each of them with an extra line in the end, “What do I tell the b**** now?”
I looked upto Judith, frowning about to tell her off for even trying to play such a trick on me. I looked into her hazel eyes. They were clear. She wasn’t lying.
My heart broke into a million pieces, my eyes filled up, but the tears din’t flow. I looked for you in the crowd. There you were in the middle surrounded by people. Laughing. Smiling. Joking. I marched right upto you.
“Hey babe” you said, with an easy smile.
That did it. Out came the water works., or so I thought. All that came out was a single tear.
I turned and fled and ran all the way home. I ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I could hear you talking to my mom downstairs, convinving her to let you come up.
“How could you, Sam? How could you?” You were outside my door. Banging. Pounding.
“Kiara! Open the door! I can explain!” you shouted.
“Did you forward those messages to her?” I asked.
“Did you?” I shouted.
I got my answer and then, came out the hot flood I’d been holding back. I sat on the floor, bringing my knees up. My eyes clouded with tears, the knife lying next to me, beckoned me. I saw a way of punishing you. I took the knife in my hands, and in one quick slashing moment, slit my right wrist.
The pain was agonizing, but not enough to numb the pain you had caused. You broke my door open, as I looked at the blood gushing out of my wrist. I looked up, saw you silhouetted against the door. I gave a weak smile. And let the darkness engulf me, knowing it would take away all the pain. It did.