A Single Tear.

October 17, 2010
By thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size


April 5th,2010
Pain. I welcomed it. Though it still couldn’t make-up for the pain you’d caused me.
********************

June, 2009
“Whoa!” The first words that escaped my mouth when I first saw you enter the homeroom, exuding an air of confidence of an ex-student; rather than the shyness of a new-comer.
Everything about you attracted me. Your carefully tousled dark-brown hair, your fair long jaw, your sapphire blue eyes, your everything. As Mr. Meyers introduced you, you smiled at us. “Mamma Mia!” Your smile was bea-yoo-tiful! It was then that I knew I had to have you as my friend, best friend; and somewhere down the line boy-friend I hoped.
And so the process began. Luckily, for me we were assigned as lab partners which bought us closer as you knew no one. As the days passed, we exchanged numbers and the messaging began. Early-morning texts to late night ones, we talked a lot through smses. Simple and random conversations they seemed; but we learned quite a bit about each other through those random questions and silly fights. The simpleness and honesty attracted me more. And as a year passed, we became best friends. A few days into the new year, and I realized I had fallen in love with you. Hook, line and sinker; head-over heels, that kind of love.
January, 2010
I don’t remember much of our conversations but this one bit; when you tried to console me.
“ Hey! No crying!! I hate tears! :|” you sent.
“Can’t help it.:| :|” I replied.
“Yes, you can. You know, I always felt that only the weak and cowards cry over useless stuff.”
Anger flared through me. I was not a coward, and certainly not weak. But I also realized what the message implied. And I gave in, too tired to argue.
“F9”
“:) No more tears then.”
I din’t reply.
“But you know, if you’re really sad and heartbroken…”
Curious.
“Then..?”
“Shed just one single tear.. deal?”
I smiled.
“Deal :)”
*************************

Looking back now, I realize how silly and naïve I was. How foolish I was to believe you when you said that those 5 minutes you always took to reply back, were because of network problems.
April 5th, 2010.
I remember having a weird feeling all day. You know, the something-bad’s-gonna happen one. The first half passed quite uneventfully. I looked forward to the next half, our classes together.
Judith came up to me in lunch, shoving her phone under my nose.
“What?” I asked her annoyed. I never really did like Judith, but you were always close to her.
I assumed she wanted me to read her messages, I took the phone from her puzzled.
It seemed familiar. It wasn’t until I came upon the last message that I realized what they were. They were OUR conversations. My messages in her inbox, forwarded from your phone to her’s. Each of them with an extra line in the end, “What do I tell the b**** now?”

I looked upto Judith, frowning about to tell her off for even trying to play such a trick on me. I looked into her hazel eyes. They were clear. She wasn’t lying.

My heart broke into a million pieces, my eyes filled up, but the tears din’t flow. I looked for you in the crowd. There you were in the middle surrounded by people. Laughing. Smiling. Joking. I marched right upto you.
“Hey babe” you said, with an easy smile.
That did it. Out came the water works., or so I thought. All that came out was a single tear.
I turned and fled and ran all the way home. I ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I could hear you talking to my mom downstairs, convinving her to let you come up.
“How could you, Sam? How could you?” You were outside my door. Banging. Pounding.
“Kiara! Open the door! I can explain!” you shouted.
“Did you forward those messages to her?” I asked.
Silence.
“Did you?” I shouted.
More silence.
I got my answer and then, came out the hot flood I’d been holding back. I sat on the floor, bringing my knees up. My eyes clouded with tears, the knife lying next to me, beckoned me. I saw a way of punishing you. I took the knife in my hands, and in one quick slashing moment, slit my right wrist.
The pain was agonizing, but not enough to numb the pain you had caused. You broke my door open, as I looked at the blood gushing out of my wrist. I looked up, saw you silhouetted against the door. I gave a weak smile. And let the darkness engulf me, knowing it would take away all the pain. It did.

Peace……


The author's comments:
It came to me in the middle of the night :P
Please do comment/criticize and rate. Feedback's good!

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This article has 12 comments.


on Nov. 21 2010 at 7:11 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

:P Well, don't worry I haven't killed myself :P Anyway, thanks! :)

on Nov. 21 2010 at 12:54 am
Poppyyyman BRONZE, Nannup, Other
2 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Somewhere out there someone is laughing. They are looking down on us in our big round room, all pushing and scratching and drowning in each other, and laughing. Because they know, that they're not going to let us out.

i agree with whatshisname up there a little bit, it is overly dramatic, and i think that sometimes its not necessary to have the big wham-pow shocking ending ..also, sometimes its harder for the reader to really connect with your characters if you havn't experienced what the characters are experiencing, or something similar...because you cant translate the same feelings and stuffss as well and it doesnt really feel as realistic. ..hopefully you havnt killed yourself :P   although i cant really talk, im also guilty of ending a story like this, so i know what you were trying to do. 

i kinda got confused as to whether or not it was a girl to begin with haha im sorry, thats not your fault im just slow.

anyway, I absolutely LOVED the beginning!!!! its so sweet and i really felt like they were real people just wandering around inside the computer :)

jolly good job


on Nov. 20 2010 at 11:15 pm
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

Thank you so much!! :)

on Nov. 20 2010 at 11:06 am
CuteAsIce PLATINUM, Pretoria, Other
20 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Today is always a good day because tomorrow is new day.

wow. i love it! in the beginning its slow but near the end you get so caught up! its shows how ugly people can be...beautiful piece

on Nov. 18 2010 at 12:27 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

Thanks! :)

on Nov. 17 2010 at 4:30 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Ending was dramatic, but I managed to connect with it because I know of similar story, but fo REALZ.  The only reason I do not assume that this story was FO REALZ is because it was put under the fiction section.

 

Ending was dramatic though, plot seemed a little intense.  I thought the paragraph where Judith had the phone and stuff could have been a little clear, and of course there were grammar errors.  It was an interesting story though.  Theres a reason I always customize messages for people - its a nicer thing to do.


on Nov. 13 2010 at 12:36 am
paranomial PLATINUM, Hyderabad, Other
21 articles 0 photos 55 comments

OMG!!!! you thought of all this in the middle of a night?huh? 

very well written though :) thoughts wel put forward...:) 


on Nov. 7 2010 at 11:20 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

Haha, the ending was too much for everybody I guess :P Anyway thanks! :)

Also, can you check out some of my other work?


on Nov. 7 2010 at 10:06 am
enchanted BRONZE, Vallonia, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments
I loved the beginning, and body of this story! It was really descriptive and interesting. The end was a little dramatic, but again the description was good. Just a little too much for me. Very well done though! Keep Writing!! :)

on Nov. 7 2010 at 8:39 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

When I wrote this, I was going to make her live through it and let Sam save her and give her a reasonable explanation. And well, about slitting her wrist.. I guess you are right.

 

Thanks anyway! :)


on Nov. 6 2010 at 6:28 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Things I liked:

-  The detail in the beginning of the story was good.  It explained the beginning of their relationship very well.

-  I like how you never really knew exactly what the character had been crying about in the first place, it leaves a nice little question in the reader's head.

Things I didn't like:

-  I don't understand how the parts written in 2010 can be written in the past tense.  I mean, the narrator is dead, so how can she be looking back on today, if she's already gone?  I think you might consider changing it to present tense.

-  When the narrator decided to kill themselves, it sort of seemed like an overreaction.  I never really felt like the character was really THAT in love with the kid.  The relationship seemed very casual, and it was more than a curve ball when she decided to kill herself.  I know it wasn't supposed to be expected, but it was just too out of the blue, it seemed a little random.

-  The storyline itself was a little ordinary.

Overall:  3.6/5 stars (but I'll round up to 4)  Nice job!


on Nov. 6 2010 at 12:31 pm
Auburn-Morrow PLATINUM, Canton, Georgia
22 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life Takes its toll, please have exact change.

This was very dramatic, I was really hooked in and I felt numb reading this, feeding from the intensity... Though I do think the end was a tad much, but I still enjoyed it. :)

Thank you for writing this.



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