I had liked people before. I had also hugged people before. But never the same person.
She was about to walk home, as she always did every day. Sometimes I would miss her and she’d already be on her way home. Sometimes I would be picked up to early, and sometimes see her walking out the front entrance of the school just as my grandfather pulls the car away and onto the street. Today, though, she was sitting out front. Her and two other friends: one male, one female. I walked up, and she said that she had waited for me. Then the male left. I don’t know why. He just… got up and left. Said his farewells, of course, but it was very abrupt. We sat and talked for a little while.
She said that she had to leave, so we had a big group hug. Of course, it was only three people, but at least I was embracing her, if only half way. Then we talked more. She didn’t seem to be leaving. Then she finally said that she had to go, and we had one final hug. It was a peculiar sensation.
I had told her long ago that I had feelings for her. She was indifferent, then felt the same, then did not. It was a long roller coaster, perhaps the only one I did not enjoy riding. Just the other day she told me that she did not feel the same.
But there we stood, in a strange embrace. I had hugged my friends before. It was quick and short and I knew when it was done. Our bodies would remain distant, just a slight grip around each other backs. When I felt the other loosening, after no more than a second, it was over. It was a symbol of friendship. But this strange, new embrace felt different. Our bodies were touching. I could feel the warmth emanating from her, exaggerated by the autumn chill. Her arms were wrapped all the way around. Mine did as well. She wasn’t as tall as I was, so her head lay snug against my chest. Thoughts of letters and numbers, essays and algorithms, were reduced to simple sensations. It was only later that I found the words to describe them.
I felt something against my cheek. It was her hair, tied up in a bun. Her head faced to the right, her ear against my jacket. We held this position forever, and for no more than a moment. I felt no slack in her grip. Then the pressure changed. She held me tighter. I was surprised, and then happy. We stood for another eon, until we both concluded in unison that it had been enough. We talked a little more, about something irrelevant. Then she walked home.