August 22, 2010
I'm in a trance,
You're only a vision to me.
Your soul fusing with mine,
Negativity, positiveness, happy, sadness run through my mind 24/7.
My body can't slow down; demons will resurface; they will get to me once again,
Take me over and tear my flesh by each muscle strain in my body.
Nothing will ever be the same,
Demons eat my flesh, drink my blood like it is the last dinner, but Jesus ain't guiding them.
Woken up from my own screams, screaming for someone to end my suffering;
Bruises, scratches are just a few of the thing you have left on my body...

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This article has 32 comments. Post your own now!

taylorswifty13 said...
Sept. 19, 2012 at 5:39 pm
i really liked this...do you think you could take a look at some of my work...i need some comments on it...i need to know how im doing...please and thank you.
Patchiz ;) said...
Aug. 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Loved the choice of words
CrazyNerdyFangirl said...
Apr. 18, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Love the description and word choice in this. :D
Lindsey31 said...
Mar. 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm
This is super cool! If you'd like to read an awesome romance, action-adventure or novels, check out my page! Feel free to comment, rate and evaluate! Thanks!
hobo12321 said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
Wow! i know lots of people have told you that this is a poem, but it's still amazing!
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:04 am
Nice story! keep writing!if anyone could go check out and post comments on my new article time, not space. That would be great! :) just click my user name! :)(:
. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 7:46 am
Nice story!  Please check out mine, Sean Flynn, if you get the chance.  Thanks! 
inkers This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 1:07 am
I don't think this belongs in this category.
However, it was very good, and easy to visualize.
kagebrubak said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 9:36 pm
The description was very good, but the story needed more too it otherwise it's more of a poem
qui133 said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:55 am
yikes! i love how you cram so much description and feeling into something like ten sentences!
Kidicarus505 said...
May 2, 2011 at 12:25 pm
This is a very descriptive piece, and I am amazed at the level of emotion and depth you have shown in your writing.  Good job!
Alia_Tan said...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 8:10 pm
this is amazing! it has mystery that makes you chilled to the bone but captivates the reader's attention! Great job keep it up!
xXpOpTaRtLoLxX replied...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 1:36 pm

WOW! This is a very good aritcle. I enjoyed reading it. It has so much emotion and depth. I really loved this idea.

Hey....could you check out my story Dead on? Thanxx alot!


BellelaVie said...
Jan. 3, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Actually, I liked it. Does it really matter what catagory it is in? no! Writing is always a process, a peice is never finnished. I thing this peice has a lot of potential. It has promise, and a story behind it that makes us want to know where these demons came from and such. Just keep widdling at it, it has a lot of potential!
WritingLoverForever replied...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 8:30 am
I totally agree. I couldn't have said it better myself. :)
BellelaVie replied...
Jan. 12, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Thanks! I think that writing is always a process, it is never finnished. Plus, we all write for ourselves, and it shouldn't matter what other people think. But I think that this peice is great anyway :) just in the process ;)
DakotaShadow said...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 2:49 pm
I love parts of it, and the theme is excellents. but when you use the same word too many times it takes away from the piece (for example: demons) and some of the grammer doesnt make sense. like you say happy and sadness together. it should be happy and sad, or happiness and sadness
Citygirl said...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 11:58 am
That was really amazing. Visual and vibrant. Great work.
Eer320 said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 6:55 pm
This was good, but I think it is more of a free verse poem.  But nice job.
Mickey_D said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 12:21 am

This would be more appropriate in poetry. Just saying. Excuse me for being... I don't get why I'm the only person saying this, is there someone else out there who appreciates organization for functionality?


And as a poetry piece, I liked it... Good job. As free-verse storytelling poetry (which does not make it a "fiction" or story piece) I cannot give advice/approval/disapproval because free-verse is all about expression without rules.


But I liked it ... (more »)

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