no one can know

July 24, 2010
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Do you ever feel cold? Like you can’t stop shaken kind of cold. Well that is how I feel all the time now, since it happed. It all started 7 years ago when I was 8. I went to my cousins’ house. Like I do almost every weekend. Her name is Karen; she was 11 when she did this. It lasted 4 years. What happened? What did she do? Who was all there? WHAT HAPPENED? These are the questions that might be going through your mind. Well I’ll tell you. Karen raped me, my own cousin, my own girl cousin. I know, I know how can a girl rape another girl. Well you know what, I don’t know and I was the victim. Like I said before, I went over to her house. She acted normal at the start but she was kind of edgy. I thought that she forgot to take her medicine for her anger problems. We went down to the basement to play with dolls. Yes, I played with dolls when I was younger. She told me to call my mom to let me spend the night. So I did, I always did what my cousin told me to do. I mean I looked up to her back then. At night she said shed be right back. She went up into the kitchen when I put some PJ’s on.

I heard her resale around and then she came back down with her hands behind her back. It looked like she was hiding something. I asked her what it was, she said nothing. She told me to turn around and I did. Stupid little me. I heard some noises behind me. It was becoming vary annoying not knowing what was going in. Then I turn around to see what was happening. Karen saw me, she got mad and slapped me acrossed the face. I tried to call for her mom, but Karen tackled me to the ground to cover me mouth. That when I knew that something was wrong. She reached her hand up; I thought that she was going to slap me again. She grabbed a sharp knife from under the pillows we will sleep on. Well the rest of this story is pretty bad so I have to skip it. Sorry to all the perverted people out there who wanted girl on girl action. At the end of the horror nights at her house no one will know what happened unless they saw my no no square. When I started my period she stopped, I guess she thought she might get me pregnant for some odd reason. I don’t know how she thought she could get me Prego; I mean come on how stupid is she, how stupid was I.

We are older now and I am 16 and she is almost 20. She has a kid of her own now, I fear for him. Since it’s a boy I don’t think she’ll do anything to him. Poor little guy. I don’t talk to her any more and she always asks me why I don’t. She must have thought that we had a relationship or something. She is nuts. I want to tell someone in my family but I’m afraid they won’t believe me and make me feel bad. But if they do believe me what will happen? Will I have to go to court and tell every one of those dreadful nights? I can’t go throe that, I told a friend and my mom. My mom forgot about it or she just didn’t want to know. My friend just doesn’t want to talk about it; we both have bad lives. Her dad walked out on her when she was born, and she found her mom dead in the bathroom. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for me we don’t like to talk about bad stuff any more cause it brings me back in time and she can’t handle the pitchers in her mind of her mom’s death.

My life is getting better now. I have a boyfriend who cares more that my mom and dad will ever. They don’t care much for me, I think in there minds I’m just a pest. Dad’s gone all the time, air force or what ever. Mom’s busting her but for the brothers. I have to ware a mask for my family so my sadness wont affect there happyness. One sad thing is that my best friend a.k.a. my secret lover moved away. But don’t worry my little boyfriend she moved long before we started dating. She was amazing. Do I think my cousin for me being who I am today, strange? I don’t really care about anything any more just of my future, friends, boyfriend, and becoming a vet.

Don’t tell anyone this but I’m planning on moving away and changing my name when I get older. I have to leave my life behind, I can’t take it anymore. I really hope my boyfriend will come with me and marry me. We are already married but I want it to be real. Got to go, cousins over.

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