I want to fly. I want to see the world a different way. I want to be set free. The pain is unbearable. My head is full of pressure. I can no longer concentrate. My thoughts are mixed. My ideas stopped short, my breath heavy. I hate who I am. All I ever do is disappoint. I tried to forget. I tried to get away. You told me I was worthless. The words left lingering, sharp, strong, piercing through me. It was always so picture perfect, you and I, us. I don’t fit into this family any more. My body hurts from trying, my body’s drained. You want me gone. Now, you have your own life in which I’m nothing but an embarrassment. You’re eyes show disgust when you look my way. The way you send me far off to do something anytime someone’s around. I am now just a part of your past, the past you try to push away, before you meant anything to anyone except me. I lost you. I lost you. Here I sit on this cold rusted bridge, watching the water so calm, so peaceful. I’m unsure of what’s to happen next, caught in the moment of everything so quiet, so nice. I have no future. I am a waste of space. They would all be happier without me. I am not loved, not even by myself. I hate who I am. All I ever do is disappoint. Now I’m repeating myself and my jaw feels loose, my knees are weakening, my body caving in, tilting forward over the water. It’s time to spread my wings and fly. I cannot think about it too much or I will back out, I never go through with anything. I want to have wings. I am going to fly. I am going to be set free, with the cool breeze cutting through my fingertips. It’s time, it’s time I flap my wings as I let go of all pain grounded and fly.
July 24, 2010