Cable Car

July 4, 2010
By Ganbatte123 BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
Ganbatte123 BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

I gave a scowl of disappointment as I looked through my email. Nothing but spam. No friends, no family, just spam. I was truly alone. Alone in a ski resort in the middle of summer. No easy way to get out, no place to socialize, nothing. Just my dad, the pub, and my sister Jamiee. This may have seemed enough for some people. Easy, I could play pool in the pub while sipping Coke, or maybe go fishing with my dad. Or even hang out with my sister. Wrong. The pool in the pub was strictly for adults. Eighteen or older. If I stayed here to rot for four more summers, I might consider wasting my time on a chalked stick and some brightly colored balls. As for Coke, one can only drink so many before they get sick. Coke is a refreshment, not recreation. Unless you put in Mentos, but that's out of the point. I can't go fishing with my dad, even if I wanted to, which I didn't, because I hate fishing, I am against killing animals with my own hands, and my dad was at work all day. At the pub. The boring, stupid pub. You may wonder why I don't just ask my dad to break the rules for me, and let me play pool, I mean, it is his pub, but he belives that breaking the rules is cheating. Leaving other people my age out. News flash, dad, there are no people my age. Except Jamiee. She doesnt count. This is the other reason I have nothing to do. My diabetic sister is afraid to have fun and do something for a change. She thinks that she'll forget to take her isulin or something. Last year, she was more active than I was. Plus, she thinks I've ruined her life because I told her boyfriend that she was diabetic. He refused to go out with someone who had "problems". What a jerk. She didn't deserve that self-centered creep anyways. So I, Lauren LeeAnn, have nothing to do. I slowly spun my desk chair around with the tip of my big toe. Why am I here anyways? I thought. Then I answered myself. Because mom thought you and Jamiee should bond with your father. I hate the way my mom says father. "Faa-thair". I'm glad she never says it. I looked in the mirror. My hair was ratty and frizzy, my face was oily and sweaty, my teeth had a thin film of plaque over them, and before I could find any more faults, I took a shower.

After my shower, I put my hair up in a ponytail, put on a baseball cap, a red tank top, some denim shorts, and some beaded flip-flops, and told my dad I was going to 'explore'. I walked around town, grabbed a Coke at the pub, grabbed some ribs at a barbeque place, and rode the gondola lifts a couple of times. Back and forth. Back and forth. I spotted a marmot. The third time back, a guy about my age got on to the gondola. He had tan arms, brown hair, and freckles. He was cute, in a dorky way, and only about an inch or two taller than me. "Umm, hi." I said. This is pathetic. I am riding cable cars for entertainment. I was on when he got on, and I will still be when he gets off. He probably wonders why I am still on. Worse, he probably thinks I stayed just to stalk him. I considered going out of the car, but I hesitated too long, and the door closed. Great. "Hi." he said back. I thought next he would criticize my choice of staying, or maybe ignore me for the rest of the ride, but instead he just said, "I'm Cam."
"I'm Lauren." I replied. No duh, captain obvious, I thought. Your shirt says "Lauren's favorite tank" on it. Well, I thought defensively, I could have been borrowing it. "So," he said, "You here for the summer?" "Yeah. My dad owns the pub." "Oh. Cool. My mom lives here, so I'm here for the summer too."

By the time our ride ended, I learned this about him: Cam is short for Cameron(I could have guessed), His mom is a hair stylist, He likes cream cheese and bagels with smoked salmon and knows exactly where to get the best here, he's fifteen, has a brother in college and two younger sisters, and is just about the funniest, sweetest guy I've ever met.

I think I'll like this summer.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Oct. 7 2010 at 6:12 pm
Yup Shup :D

on Oct. 5 2010 at 4:26 pm
Ganbatte123 BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments
haha, hi. you do know who this is, don't you? XP

on Jul. 24 2010 at 12:50 am

I liked it. I like the humor and most of the word choice. But, I'm not letting you down easy and saying it's the best thing since Shakespeare or Aligheri. It's 6 out of 10. Maybe 7.  First off, Cameron is a Gary Stu. If you don't know what this means (I would guess you would, but just in case) let's just say that it is a male character that is perrrrrfffeeeccctt. Cameron has no flaws. "Cute in a DORKY way" doesn't count. Cameron is a Barbie doll who likes Cream Cheese and smoked salmon. Most guys you randomly meet on a tram are not the funniest, cutest and sweetest guys you have ever met. As long as he goes from Male Model to Average human being later in the story, I'm okay with that. (don't get mad at me and...I don't know, pour bleach down my throat for this or something. :P)

Second! Add a little speech here and there. Enlighten us on Cam and Lauren's convo, at least parts of it. Most of it is Lauren's internal dialougue, which if not controlled can get lengthy.

And one part doesn't make sense. "I hate how my mom says father. Faa-thair. I'm glad she never says it."

  Um. Okaay. She never says it,never, so you know that you hate it automatically, without previous basis? The only reason I  would suspect she hates it is because even though she hates the nasally accent of her mother, if she says the word father with repitition she really can't stand it and has a negative bias toward the word. Or, she loves the word so much, that since her mother never says it, she hates it! Reword your phrases or else you'll get a whole lot of this. :P

Other than that? Love it. Lauren's funny, she actually has a flaw (she's not that self confident) and the writing style is good on the ears.

      Good luck with yer writin...continue it.


Whylime said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 2:02 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll
Don't go there, I'll only follow -- ???
Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

sure wish this would happen to me... oops italics... oh well.  i feel bad for the girl in the beginning ):

on Jul. 22 2010 at 8:19 pm
kate-the-shrew BRONZE, McCall, Idaho
3 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.----Will Rogers

I really liked this. I think you should keep writing about this character. It would be a great story!

on Jul. 22 2010 at 6:40 pm
CrazyWriter GOLD, Lorton Station, Virginia
16 articles 2 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Once you have given up on the most important thing in your life, you begin to die, because then, you gradually lose your true self"~Hana Kimi
"Someone who can lie to themself. . . is lonely, and in pain"~Hana Kimi

Awesome. I love how you gave the character some humor. And I also like how you made the character more down to earth. you have to contuine .Keep it up! :)


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