Runaway Chapter 2 "Just Stay"

June 30, 2010
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I wake up to the smell of pot. Sourly sweet sickish scent of pot. My nose twitches and my eyes flutter open. I'm laying on the disgusting green carpet of this stupid old square-shaped mini van. Carefully, I prop myself up, dazed by my surroundings.
"'Bout time cupcake," Rae sneers, a grey mist of smoke escaping her nose. Again, I fight the urge to crinkled my own.
The back door of the van is open, letting clean air drift inside. The same people who were here last night remained nestled on the green carpet. Some are asleep (most likely passed out), but most are awake, either smoking or laughing drunkily. I roll my eyes. Am I the only clean person here? Ally giggles hardly beside me, browns eyes watery. I must be. Oddly enough, Rae is able to hold a conversation.
"Have any dreams, cupcake?" She asks, voice thick with smoke. I grip my backpack and shake my head. Rae flashes her pearly whites. How does she have perfect teeth? I stiffly get up, extremely uncomfortable. I'm getting out of here. I still don't belong here. Not a chance."Kaytee wait!" Rae yells, gripping my shoulder. I shake it off. She's way too baked right now, if we got in a fight, I would win.
I jump out of the filthy van, thankful on a level I never imagined possible for the fresh breeze. Suddenly, a weight collapes on my back. For a moment, I can't breathe.
"Kaytee, don't leave. Please just wait tillI'msober..." Rae's breath in my ear reaks of pot. Her voice is even rougher as her words slur together. I grunt flipping her off. Rae imediatly stands up, then staggers backwards. She sits on the van's bumper, digging her hands into her eyes. Before I make a run for it, I realize she's crying. I'm torn.
Logic: Just leave. She's a crzy person who can hurt me. I barely know her, let alone trust her. Just leave. Start over on your own.
Emotionally: She's a lost person. Stay with her. Help her. She'll look out for you....?
Abruptly, Ally comes out from behind her, breaking my train of thought. Ever so carefully, she hugs her. Rae shakes with tears, embracing Ally.
"Just stay. Please, cupcake. just stay," Rae begs, voice muffled by Ally's arm. I bite my lip. Sighing, I hesitantly climb into the van and resume my spot. D***. I do belong here.

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squidzinkpen said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 12:10 am
I like the last line the most, as strange as that may sound. It ties the story together, but leaves the reader hanging and wanting more. For future reference in grammar, don't forget your commas between adjectives! Commas are your friends, really, they are! I have a feeling that you're a young writer, and I think you have a vast amount of potential! I don't mean it in a bad way, potential is good, and you're delivering as an author very well on top of your having potential!! As you get older, yo... (more »)
iluvnacho replied...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm
oh my gosh, no! that's not what I think at all! I basically rely on your advice. Your guess is true; i am, in fact a young writer. Thirteen, actually. I'm so glad I found that you responded to this! thank you so much for your advice! You're a wonderful critique, and I will continue! :D
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