Runaway Chapter 2 "Just Stay"

June 30, 2010
By iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
28 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Find the beauty in the ugly\"-Jason Mraz 5-19-10
\"Be kinder than nessicary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.\" Unknown 11-29-10


I wake up to the smell of pot. Sourly sweet sickish scent of pot. My nose twitches and my eyes flutter open. I'm laying on the disgusting green carpet of this stupid old square-shaped mini van. Carefully, I prop myself up, dazed by my surroundings.
"'Bout time cupcake," Rae sneers, a grey mist of smoke escaping her nose. Again, I fight the urge to crinkled my own.
The back door of the van is open, letting clean air drift inside. The same people who were here last night remained nestled on the green carpet. Some are asleep (most likely passed out), but most are awake, either smoking or laughing drunkily. I roll my eyes. Am I the only clean person here? Ally giggles hardly beside me, browns eyes watery. I must be. Oddly enough, Rae is able to hold a conversation.
"Have any dreams, cupcake?" She asks, voice thick with smoke. I grip my backpack and shake my head. Rae flashes her pearly whites. How does she have perfect teeth? I stiffly get up, extremely uncomfortable. I'm getting out of here. I still don't belong here. Not a chance."Kaytee wait!" Rae yells, gripping my shoulder. I shake it off. She's way too baked right now, if we got in a fight, I would win.
I jump out of the filthy van, thankful on a level I never imagined possible for the fresh breeze. Suddenly, a weight collapes on my back. For a moment, I can't breathe.
"Kaytee, don't leave. Please just wait tillI'msober..." Rae's breath in my ear reaks of pot. Her voice is even rougher as her words slur together. I grunt flipping her off. Rae imediatly stands up, then staggers backwards. She sits on the van's bumper, digging her hands into her eyes. Before I make a run for it, I realize she's crying. I'm torn.
Logic: Just leave. She's a crzy person who can hurt me. I barely know her, let alone trust her. Just leave. Start over on your own.
Emotionally: She's a lost person. Stay with her. Help her. She'll look out for you....?
Abruptly, Ally comes out from behind her, breaking my train of thought. Ever so carefully, she hugs her. Rae shakes with tears, embracing Ally.
"Just stay. Please, cupcake. just stay," Rae begs, voice muffled by Ally's arm. I bite my lip. Sighing, I hesitantly climb into the van and resume my spot. D***. I do belong here.


The author's comments:
I'm just trying to form a plot. Please rate comment, any kind advice is welcomed.

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This article has 2 comments.


on Sep. 3 2010 at 11:12 pm
iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
28 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Find the beauty in the ugly\"-Jason Mraz 5-19-10
\"Be kinder than nessicary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.\" Unknown 11-29-10

oh my gosh, no! that's not what I think at all! I basically rely on your advice. Your guess is true; i am, in fact a young writer. Thirteen, actually. I'm so glad I found that you responded to this! thank you so much for your advice! You're a wonderful critique, and I will continue! :D

on Aug. 13 2010 at 12:10 am
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb

I like the last line the most, as strange as that may sound. It ties the story together, but leaves the reader hanging and wanting more. For future reference in grammar, don't forget your commas between adjectives! Commas are your friends, really, they are! I have a feeling that you're a young writer, and I think you have a vast amount of potential! I don't mean it in a bad way, potential is good, and you're delivering as an author very well on top of your having potential!! As you get older, you're going to change the way you write and read your own work. You might look back on this piece one year from now and think "Oh gosh, that's not my style at all!" I hope you keep going with writing this series of yours. It's very interesting and you'll be able to watch yourself grow as a writer through the process! I'm not saying what you have now is bad, not saying that at all! I'm just saying that you will change and grow as an author, and it's a great thing to see yourself doing! I've done it just recently. I wrote a book when I was twelve, and now, years later, I've changed it so much it's been ripped to pieces and I can hardly remember what the old one was like! It's a great thing to see the changes between now and when you truely discover yourself as a writer. I hope you don't think I'm insulting you! That's not my intention at all! I just want to give the guidance I was given because it really helped me learn and grow! Good luck, and great stories!


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