The Idiot

July 1, 2010
By sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous


Margaret has this habit of spitting. I don’t know where or why or how she began that dreadful tick, but it is beginning to get on my nerves.

Just like the way she only washes her clothes when her laundry basket is all the way full… And sometimes doesn’t place a napkin in her lap while she’s eating… And coughs without covering her mouth… And leaving dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

It’s like every little thing is another rock placed in the middle of the ocean, slowing building until it creates an island where she sits.

One more pet peeve equals one more patch of land. And soon she’ll live there, and be happy. She’ll meet knew people who don’t mind her “problems” as much as I do. But I can’t take it.

People ask me why Margaret and I aren’t as close anymore. I’ll gladly explain in full detail the pig-like way she lives. How I cannot share a house with someone like that. How she’s just not a compatible living partner. How I cannot marry or even love someone who is that… sloppy.

They’re faces never change. Somewhat like the initial aftershock of an unexpected punch. The features on their face smash into each other on one side. Leaving the other side blank and disturbing.

“Why did you love her in the first place?” They always ask. Like people can’t change their mind. Like I’m some terrible person for once loving Margaret and now not.

“I didn’t know her as well as I thought,” I’ll always answer back.

Then they walk away and leave their silent disapproval behind them, staring me in the face and making my body feel hot.

See, everyone loves Margaret. Even my friends like her more than me. Her family adores her. Her own friends adore her. The stranger at the grocery store loves her. She’s the one with the permanent smile. The perfect, stunning, but soft face and flowing body. Undeterred style: always dressed nicely, never a hair or stitch of makeup out of place. And the sweetest kindest person inside that you will ever meet.

She’s beautiful.

Intelligent.

Warm.

Funny.

A really good kisser…

And she chose me. The sickly thin dweeb who couldn’t get a date in high school. (In my defense, I have improved somewhat since then.) But she wanted me. How odd and displaced that sounds in my mind!

I feel silly. Stupid. I understand the looks, the glares, the disapproval. How could I let her go? How could I not see past the exterior, minor problems to see what a perfect woman I had… who loved me back? Who was heartbroken when I broke up with her?

I run to my car. Get to her new apartment within a few minutes.

And yank her in to my arms. Tell her I love her. Tell her I’m sorry.

She tells me those same things back. A little less emotion. Sadness taking a permanent marker and drawing downcast eyes and frowning lip.

“What’s wrong?” I beg.

Apparently, it’s not enough. She’s moved on. If I throw her out for tiny things like her laundry schedule, how are we supposed to live the rest of our lives together? How could I just give her up so easily? Do I really care?

She needs me to leave. She needs me to not call her, and maybe, one day in the very far future she’ll call me. Maybe we’ll have lunch. Reminisce about the good days when we were blissfully happy together. Talk about the bright futures we have ahead of us. Kiss each other courteously on the cheek. Leave. Never see each other again.

It breaks my heart as her beautiful eyes drop a single heavy tear that paints the skin a trail all the way down to her jaw. I want to kiss that jaw. I want to hold her. I want to love her.

But I walk away.

Heartbroken.

Lonely.

I’m such an idiot.


The author's comments:
Be honest on your opinion of this one. I wrote it in about ten minutes as I was falling asleep... just kind of spilled out.

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This article has 17 comments.


on Aug. 31 2010 at 12:39 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

i always have the best story ideas right when i'm to exhasted to write them down. i liked this one because it shows how we don't always get second chances.

on Aug. 29 2010 at 11:35 pm
darkangel09 GOLD, South Huntington, New York
13 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."-Voltaire

it's good cause it shows how just the small things can tick people off. how beautiy isnt eveything. my brother lives with someone like that, there married, 2 1/2 kids, and he's alwasy complaning on how messy she is, but yet he wont ever leave her. he blames it on the kids, but its coause he really loves her.

nice work on discribing how that situation can be


on Aug. 16 2010 at 4:39 pm
fadingaway1324 SILVER, Latrobe, Pennsylvania
7 articles 4 photos 24 comments
i like it because it always shows the underlying thought. the question "why" and being as how my mind is simple i can only focus on thing at a time, i could understand that the questions meaning would change over an event or period of time.

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 2:54 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

i loved it, great descriptions and characters. Didn't talk alot about the narrator though. The getting to the apartment was a little awkward though

on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:11 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

it's not a bad piece, you shouldn't dislike it.

on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:07 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Haha thanks for pointing out the awkward transition! I have been WAITING for someone to say something... I actually really don't like this piece and am really surprised so many people have commented and liked it

 


on Jul. 27 2010 at 2:59 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

Umm I really loved the format and your style of writing. Magaret was a great character and you described her very well. The only things i can think of to critisize are: You didn't really describe the narrarator or his personality even though we got a glimpse (I'm sorry if you perposely meant to focus on the girl, I have no idea) and also The transition to him like describing her in his mind to him running to her apartment was a little confusing for a second but not really a major problem. Altogether i really liked this story!!!

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 3:07 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

Whoa. This threw me in for a turn. I had this image of Margaret being a complete pig, but it turns out she's one of those women who everyone loves. I love that juxtaposition of her character.

You have some excellent lines in here, like the one about silent disapproval staring and sadness drawing eyes and lips. I adore figurative language like that :D

And a minor point. I love your parallelism, but it should be parallel. Margaret coughs, she places, and she leaving dirty dishes. I also agree with AvengedJasonFold that commas might work better in some places. Parallelism is beautiful, but I think here it would work better if it flowed in a stream of consciousness kind of way.

But slkfjls so good. I'm definitely going to go through some of your other pieces too 8)


Whylime said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 6:05 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll
Don't go there, I'll only follow -- ???
Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

hmmm very good... makes you want to think through desicions like that... you dont want to lose her... (:

on Jul. 22 2010 at 7:52 pm
Madi_Jewels SILVER, Mount Laurel, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Hey so when I started reading this I was like woah- that's amazing. But then when it came to the line, "How I cannot marry or even love someone who is that... sloppy." I was like she built up this huge character description for that? ANd as I continued I realized that the narrator was pure in his tone, very life like and animated. However, as good as it was I feel like it was a little too cliche: the oh, I broke up with her because she's a pig. I wish I could hear more of the love they had. Or even better if the characters were younger it would've been amazing.

Nonetheless it's still very well written. :) nice job.


on Jul. 22 2010 at 10:09 am
by "eating it up" if you mean editing it really really closely, I didn't because I'm lazy and you didn't ask me to probably lol :)

PenInHand GOLD said...
on Jul. 20 2010 at 5:20 pm
PenInHand GOLD, Fayetteville, North Carolina
12 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Kemps!"

Okay, this was seriously awesome. The only thing you might want to consider editing, is the title. "Idiot" is a term used for mentally challenged people. I don't particularly have a problem with it, but it might offend some people. But the story itself was fantastic! I thoroughly enjoyed it!

AidanR. said...
on Jul. 18 2010 at 8:04 pm
AidanR., Buffalo, New York
0 articles 0 photos 52 comments
I liked the description of the way people reacted to him breaking up with Margaret - the bit about their "silent disapproval" was fantastic, though I didn't really get the imagery of the faces.  I'm not sure what that signified.  Overall, I liked it.

on Jul. 18 2010 at 6:10 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Thanks... kinda surprised you didn't eat this one up. It's one of my least favorites. I'll look into the choppiness.

on Jul. 18 2010 at 2:43 pm

the intro paragraphs were phenomonal. For some reason I pictured a patient falling inlove with another patient in a mental asylum, and I thought that was fascinating, but then I realized it was just the offspring's song "Self Esteem" in a different perspective lol.

so it was pretty good but I think it's too choppy. Just incorporate some commas in some of your paragraphs and save the choppiness for the one-line paragraphs. that would make it flow a lot better.


on Jul. 17 2010 at 7:03 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

Good job! Very emotional, I like how it showed that not all relationships are perfect. :) Keep up the good work!

on Jul. 16 2010 at 6:54 pm
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM, Highland Village, Texas
30 articles 6 photos 203 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See in what peace a Christian can die." - Joseph Addison
"How come everyone will come to your funeral, but nobody will come see you when you are living?"

wow. really nice, so much emotion




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