Loud Silence

July 1, 2010
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
I never thought in a million years I’d be pregnant. Maybe if I would’ve just listen to my mom, my teachers, and all of those guest speakers that came to my school periodically, then just maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation. But I can only blame myself for being pregnant. Well half, I didn’t climb on top of myself and get myself pregnant. My boyfriend Brheyeon is also the blame for my stomach being the size of a melon. He says that’ll he will be the type of father that sticks around and takes good care of his children. To support our children and not run off like most guys would these days. My momma doesn’t know or Brheyeon, but I plan on getting rid of it. I’m only sixteen, still in high school, have no job, and no goals as to what to do after having a baby. But how do I tell Brheyeon? He was so excited when I told him the news. I want to have a baby, but I just don’t know if I can do it.

I might as well; I’m already three weeks, even if no one could tell I lost it because it’s not so obvious, I still don’t know what to do. I should be feeling sorry for myself for getting pregnant without a plan, but that’s like crying so loudly, yelling at the top o f my lungs…even though no one will ever hear me. So I’ll just think of what to do, what decisions to make next. Let me call the one person I know who will always listen to everything I have to say without judging me. My best friend Brisa, I’ve known her since the beginning of second grade when she had a head full of beads and barrettes with her two front teeth missing. At first I figured she was this stuck-up little girl who thought she was better than everybody. But I soon stop judging her and got to know who she really was, my reflection. “Hey Secret girl! How have you been?” She screams into the phone almost blowing out my left eardrum. Brisa would always be so cheery and happy. That’s the one thing we didn’t always have in common though. “Hey Brisa” I say dryly. “Wassup, I haven’t heard from you in like two months. Are you okay? Need anything? How are you?’ I chuckle at the amount and speed of questions she’s shooting at me. “Brisa…I’m pregnant.” “Congratulations! That’s…wow!’’ I stay silent, everyone is so happy about the pregnancy but me. “Why don’t you seem excited about it Secret?” I go on by telling her how it happened, she already knew Brheyeon. We all went to middle school together. Of course she would be an auntie, the only auntie that is, because I’m the only child. “It is a boy or a girl?” “Can’t say now.” “You don’t sound so good, are you sure you’re okay?” she repeats. “No, I don’t know what I want to do, if this is what I want.’
“Secret, having a baby is a beautiful thing, if you need help with anything; you already know I’m here for you. I mean, you haven’t called me in two whole months…” she mumbles.
“But I still love you, and I am always here for you.” We finished discussing what we should do, and then said our goodbyes with a promise to keep in touch and no more reunions.

I still think it’s best I give the baby up. How can I bring a baby into this world without having a world to give it? But I should’ve been thinking about all of this when Usher’s “Nice & Slow” was playing. Huhhh…mom can’t help me alone; I have to be a woman with making these type of decisions. Should I go back to school? Should I be looking for a place to stay on my own? Think Secret! Think! Breheyeon says I can always come stay with him, but he stays with his dad taking care of him. Speaking of Brheyeon, here he comes now, approaching the porch steps. I glance at the wall clock next to the door before I open it, and the clock reads 5:39. Good, enough time to talk before mom gets off of work at eight. “Hey.” He says with that smile that makes me forget what day it is, showing off all of his purely whites. “Hey.” “Wassup?” He asks then softly kisses my stomach first then my lips. “I need to talk to you.” “Ok, let’s talk.”

We talk about what were gonna do about having a child. I tell him I think I should go back to school, with me being pregnant and all, to get it out of the way. He agrees it’s a good idea. We discuss that and a big enough place for us to live. “I’m getting a three-bedroom house next month baby, so things should work out just fine. But only one thing…

I didn’t tell Brisa, Brheyeon, or even my mom…
I’m not pregnant with just one child, or twins, or triplets, not even quadruplets…but FIVE babies. You could never tell, probably because I’m five foot and weigh a small amount of 125 pounds. My stomach doesn’t show all of that though, looks like a regular size stomach to be pregnant. “They will look like regular size babies on you ultrasound, but when they are conceived…they will all look exactly like you.

How will I, Brheyeon, and all five of our children fit in the three-bedroom house he’s getting? That’s all he says he can afford now. Huhhh…I’m in such a big situation. “Aaaahhh-” Why am I screaming? No one can hear me, I’m in a silence. If I’m in silence…why does it seem so loud?

“Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep-” Ahh! Shut up already. “Slam!” Whew! “It was just a dream, it just a dream.” I try to convince myself while sweating heavily. Then I sit in silence…loud silence.





Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback