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Bethany's Melody part 1
I found her the day she found out. I remember the day like it was
yesterday. When clearly it wasn’t. I was looking down through the clouds,
bored one day. Everyone seemed so distant that day. Like they knew
something was going to happen. I looked in on my family before I found
her. My mom had gotten out of bed for the first time since I left. My family
was all moving on, busy doing work and making things better for them.
Piece by piece. It made me feel good that they were ready to restart their
lives and to move on. Like they should.
She ran out of a huge building crying. About ten stories high. The
front of the building was all glass and windows. You could tell that you had
to have some money to be in that building. The building was very familiar
to me. I had been there about fifty times before. Before it caught up to me. I
knew every inch there was in the building. I could describe every piece of
art in perfect description just like I had been the one who drew it. Every
corner that ended in a dead end. Every door that make a creaking sound
when you open it slowly. I know things about the building that even the
owner may not even know. Its scary thinking about that. The sign on the
building read “New York Life Hospital”.
She was seated on a curb right outside the doors to the hospital. I
knew every detail of what she was thinking. I didn’t know her name at the
time but I knew she would soon be with me. I knew deep down inside me
that I was the only person that could save her when her life ended tragically.
The same way mine did. I could read her thoughts before they even came to
her own mind. She was telling herself over and over again that this couldn’t
be, that there had to be a mistake. I could tell that she had already been
through a lot.
Even though she was just getting started on a ride that would end as soon as
it started. Although it might seem like a life time, when it is all over you will
soon realize that it was way to short to ever had been true. She wiped her
tears just in time. A lady ran out the door toward her. It must have been her
mother because the girl wasn’t scared or frightened when she came up and
“Honey everything is going to be alright. Just trust me. Now come back in
and let’s see what else the doctor has to say,” her mother said as she ushered
her back into the building.
As soon as I saw her I was attached. I didn’t know her but I felt for
her. I felt for her in the oddest way possible. I knew that she would be
coming. I knew every feeling she was going through. Every detailed picture
that she kept in her mind that just couldn’t get away as hard as she tried. I
know her worries better than anyone else. I just couldn’t leave, not now. It
was like I would maybe, hopefully have someone with me who knew how I
felt and could relate to me.
She walked slowly up the stairs with her mother right at her side
where she would stay until the end. As she got to the door she slowed and
came to a stop.
“I can’t go back into that room, mom I just cant! You just don’t understand,”
the girl said and she was right. Her mom didn’t and couldn’t understand
what she had been going through and the reluctant horror that her mom will
never understand. She could only see the fear that was easily read by the
worry in her eyes. She didn’t know what was in front of her in her life but
she knew what ever it was, it could not be good.
“Bethany, you have to, we have to know. Tell me what’s wrong,” Bethany’s
mother said. Immediately after she said that she wished she hadn’t. What her
mother wanted more than anything was to at least make Bethany believe
that she knew how she was feeling and could relate in someway. She knew
Bethany is strong but will melt when she has to much weight put on her. If
Bethany knew that her mother didn’t understand then she wouldn’t tell her
anymore and would just simply shut her out. Her mother only wanted to be
someone to her during this time. Someone that she could tell anything to
and knew she would always be by her side.
“You don’t understand and never will. When I walk into his office it makes
me feel like he is telling me to sit down and get ready to die. Nothing he has
said was any reassuring. It makes me feel like all my defenses are down and
will never get back up, like he can try anything but nothing will work. You
don’t understand that,” Bethany said as she started crying again. Her mother
looked away like she was hurt a little but understood what Bethany meant.
“I am trying to understand but your not letting me.”
“I am not going in there again. I’ll be waiting in the car,” Bethany said with
her hand out waiting for the keys.
“No, I am sorry but you need to hear what the doctors have to say to you,”
her mother argued.
As they enter the second room on the right off of a very long hallway,
there were two men dressed in white jackets sitting behind two large
wooden desks. As you would see in any doctor’s office. But these doctors
were different. They are the best of their kind. It cost about fifty dollars for
every visit you have. I had seen both of the them and remember going
through the same procedure that Bethany is about to go through. First Dr.
Bellmore would tell you straight away that you had cancer. In this firm,
grasp voice that makes you think does he really care or lately has he had to
tell a little too many people the same thing that he just told Bethany?
Second he would tell you what he would do to try and get the cancer to go
away or at least make the chances go up. Third he would pass on the rest of
the conversation to Dr. Reed who would step by step explain the procedures
that he would take. Dr. Reed is the surgeon and Dr. Bellmore is the doctor
who tells the bad news and explains what cancer is. Lastly Dr. Reed tells
you what you can do and what you can do when you have cancer. There is a
great difference between the two doctors. Dr. Reed is my favorite. He is in
his twenties but not attractive at all. He is nicer than Dr. Bellmore and more
confident. I have always been more closer to Dr. Reed then Dr. Bellmore.
We would always have about ten minutes before every visit just talk. He
would tell me about his life. He has a girlfriend that he has been with for
about two years and lives in an apartment. One day I asked him why he
lives in an apartment because I always though that doctors made tons of
money way more than my parents made together. He replied saying that he
has only been a doctor for about two years now and is still paying off
medical school and just doesn’t get enough money yet.
Dr. Bellmore on the other hand is around his fifties or sixties.
He is a lonely doctor who doesn’t have a wife, kids, or any pets. He lives in
a mansion on the “better” side of town. He has millions of dollars. Which is
the big and main reason they are very different. Dr. Bellmore has been in
this field a very long time and the longer and richer you get in this field the
harder it is to care as much as you did before when you didn’t have much
money and really cared about every patient that they see. I truly believe that
Dr. Reed does care. The main reason they are alike is the worst reason
people can be alike.
They both never ever say your chances of living are good or things that
relate to living or they never say anything about dying and the bad chances.
I think that Dr. Reed only doesn’t say stuff like that because he is afraid that
if he does it makes kids think that it will be ok and that they might just live
through all of this. He just doesn’t want them to get their hopes up and when
stuff doesn’t go their way in the end they blame it on him. But I think that
Dr. Bellmore doesn’t say it because he doesn’t believe that kids or people
who do have cancer will live through it and if they do then they are very,
very lucky people.
Dr. Bellmore was in the middle of telling her what cancer was when
she ran out. It wasn’t surprising when she did. Many people run out at that
part because it is just to much. I remember when I was in that position and I
remember running out to. Dr. Reed said I was one of the few that year. That
was two years ago on this day of June twenty- forth two thousand and three.
My grandmother had come to take me to the doctor that day because both
my parents had to work. My grandmother was sixty- seven then and
couldn’t walk well. When I ran out I had no one to run after me like Bethany
did. Dr. Reed was the one who ran after me that day. Dr. Bellmore said that I
would get tired of waiting for someone to come after me after a while but
my grandmother told them how strong I was and that I wasn’t going to come
back in on my own. She said that she would go but Dr. Reed said that he
would. I was sitting on the curb that Bethany was seated at when Dr. Reed
got outside of the building. He came up to me and sat down beside me. It
felt weird having someone see me cry that wasn’t my mother or my father.
For some reason I cant cry in front of someone other than my parents
because as soon as he sat down and saw me crying I immediately stopped.
My mom calls me weird because the day before I went to the doctor my
mom took me out for some mother daughter time just to get my spirit up. We
went out to eat then to see a movie. We saw this movie that was about a girl
who died and how her family moves on. My mom cried all the way through
the movie but I didn’t even shed a tear. Don’t get me wrong I felt sorry for
them and was definetly sad but just couldn’t cry with a whole movie theater
full of people.
Dr. Reed and I didn’t talk for a while but just when I thought he
wouldn’t make me go back in he finally said something.
“ Do you want to know the reason why I wanted to be a cancer specialist?”
“ Sure,” I answer. I didn’t know if he heard me because my voice was so
shaky and I didn’t want him to see that. But I guess he did because after a
few seconds he continued.
“ When I was eleven my sister got cancer. She was only seven. She was my
everything. So many siblings fight for such stupid reasons… well that
wasn’t us. We were closer than anyone would ever think. Both my parents
worked until seven everyday so when we got home from school we had to
occupy ourselves. Her name was Tera. It was the worst part of my life.
Everything turned upside down for us. For the longest time I blamed her for
getting cancer when I should have been blaming the cancer. On April third
the doctors told us their was nothing else they could do. All of the surgeries
and procedures just weren’t working. It was just a matter of time. I stopped
talking to her after that. She died on May twenty- seventh nineteen eighty-
eight. She was only eight then. All that month I hadn’t talked to her. In a
way I was mad at her for separating our family. My mom left us two months
after Tera died. Life has never been the same since. April fourth was the last
day I talked to her before she died,” Dr. Reed said. He was looking straight
so I couldn’t tell if he was crying or not.
“I am sorry,” was all I could get out. I wasn’t sure why he told me that
because all it did was make me even more scared. Now I know.
“Its ok. Now the pain I feel fills with knowledge and urge. Urge to find
cures for cancer. I couldn’t save her but now I am determined to save other
kids just like her. You are strong and a fighter and she wasn’t.