My throat tightens as I try to choke out the words. I love you never had such a false meaning. I turn over in the bed,naked again,tears begin to stream down my face. I try to remember the last time I was in love but it seems so long ago. now im learning my lesson there is a differnce between love and lust. We used to be so happy. We used to smile and kiss but now its the same old routine. She calls it proving my love but I call it fufilling human needs. Meaningless thrusts of pain and tears flowing. teeth clentching. she says my name tells me I do it better than the rest that im the only one but im not stupid. Im not blind. The lies dont stop,they never will but thats all this relationship ever was anyway a bunch of lies trying to fufill the emptyness we both felt. The lonliness was unbearable so much to the point that we would fake love in order to find something that would allow us to escape. I caught her in the act. the text,the leaving in the middle of the night. I was in denial but did i stop it no. I have no balls. Ive lost all pride all dignity of self that i had,its all gone now. I promised myself id walk away but where am I now? next to her in bed wrapped in sheets of lies and tears of self denial. But as the tears dry up I smile knowing once more that i wont die alone and that I will always have this relationship as the only sure thing in my life.
i love the way you lie
July 6, 2010