Its early in the morning and I think I’m dreaming but I’m not sure. I get off the bed, but its not my bed and I walk towards the window and in front of me I see a beautiful beach and no more than two or three houses around the one I’m in. I should be scared but I not, for some odd reason it feels like home. I walk around the house hoping to find someone, but I see nothing. I smell the salty wind and I hear the soothing sound of the crashing waves and I slowly walk towards the back of the house. I encounter a beautiful terrace and a few more steps and I feel the delicate sand running in between my toes and unconsciously I close my eyes and just drift away. I don’t know how much time passed before I re-opened my eyes but the sun is much warmer now. Birds are singing and in the distance I see a little girl walking up to me; it takes time for me to realize I’m looking at myself. She says nothing instead she takes my hand and we walk along the beach. I keep waiting for the little girl, -or should I say little me? - to talk but its like if she doesn’t have anything to say she just smiles. At this point my mind tells me to feel uncomfortable but my heart is at peace and I walk right by her side and when I’m about to talk she says “That house back there is the one you’ve always dreamt of, that feeling in your heart right now is because you found yourself, and NO, you are not dead.” At that moment I’m speechless, I have so many questions. “Where am I?” I ask. “This is your alternate reality, it’s a dream but its as real as you want it to be. You can have this, you can be here; it’s a matter of time and efforts before you accomplish it.” I had so many doubts. Why was I here? What was she trying to tell me? What was I supposed to say? She was a younger version of me yet for me she was mature and wise. She knew exactly what to say while I didn’t even know what to think, she knew where she was headed and I didn’t even know where I was. We kept walking and while we did she started talking. Your other reality is a dull place only because you make it so, you’ve lost yourself in confusion and doubts; you have forgotten that God always has a plan. You rely on memories and you are wasting the present, and the worst thing is that you doubt yourself. Your dreams are right there where you last saw them: in your heart and they will be there until you decide to reach back for them. I don’t say anything, instead my mind starts going to my reality and I see myself wandering around, looking for something and without noticing it tears start to fall; tears of vulnerability, tears of fear, tears of pain. The peace in my heart isn’t enough to block out the reality. I feel lost, lonely and weak. My dreams seem so far and unreachable and I don’t know what to do. When I tune into the alternate reality I see tears streaming down the little girl’s cheeks and I wipe them off but they keep on falling, again she continues talking. You weren’t always like this and you know it, you used to believe in love, and though it might have hurt you, you where much stronger, more confident. Pain is as necessary as laughter and tears are as powerful as smiles; until you acknowledge this you will not be able to move on. You have the strength to do it, to become that extraordinary doctor you dream of being or that outstanding writer your soul wants you be, to help millions and to help yourself. You know your potential because I know your potential and we were once so confident, so sure of ourselves; what happened? How did you let fear get the best of you? Why did you hide away the sweet tenderness of your heart? If only you realized that by protecting yourself from others you are harming yourself… if only you opened again your heart. God can heal it but you need to have faith. It won’t be easy; its not even going to be fast but its going to be worth it. Don’t give up on us, don’t give up on love, don’t give up on your dreams and God won’t give up on you.
June 27, 2010