Within Reach

June 25, 2010
By cantfindascreename BRONZE, Chino Hills, California
cantfindascreename BRONZE, Chino Hills, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others"


For the past year, I have lived my life as a bear. I have spent my time growling and hunting down my prey, until finally, I have secluded myself into a den for hibernation. Alone in my den is the only place where I can think; reflecting on the events that so drastically changed my life, and on the only person who has ever taken my life out from under me.


It’s funny how people say that being alone allows you to hear yourself think; they only thing that I am able to hear is her voice. Over and over again I replay the words that changed my entire life, words I never thought I would hear her say. I wish I could have seen where it all started going wrong, but I suppose that in the end it would have made no difference. The distance between us was growing slowly yet steadily, despite the fact that I did not feel it at all. The friendship that had gotten me through five years came to an abrupt halt, and now all my other friends have left too. Going from a place of certain love and security to a place where I feel unwelcome and alone has not been an easy transition, and my response, though angry at first, has eased into my separation from the life I had once known. On the inside, I know I am the same person that I once was, the only difference being that nobody knows me anymore.


Nobody genuinely realizes the similarities between the ending of a long and stable friendship and the ending of a long and stable marriage. In both situations, possessions are returned, and custody of the people you both loved is determined. In my case, she was given full custody, while I was left on my own, my only option being to discover a new life. At first, the others were sympathetic to both parties, but as time went on, their once abundant love trickled to a finish. I am officially on my own.


For now, I remain the bear in it’s winter den, seeing nobody, and keeping in contact with only myself. I plan on emerging from my hibernation with a fresh outlook on people and on my life, but there is no telling of when that day may come. I know who I am, and I plan on letting others know me again sometime in the future, but only once these painful wounds have faded into scars on my skin. They will always be there, with the painful memories that accompany them, but no longer will they have a place on my surface, where they may be punctured and reopened.


She knocked the air out of me, and my life has not been the same since. With shaky breaths I have deleted every part of her from my life, and eventually I hope she will be deleted from my memory as well. For now, I have learned how to manage my time in hibernation, and I live in safety. She may have stripped me of the life I have always known, but I know who I am, and the life I want to live is still within reach.


The author's comments:
This story, though exaggerated, came from the ending of a friendship that i depended on to live my life normally. I hope that other people that have experienced this same situation realize that a person can not change you, you always need to remember who you are and what you want out of your own life.

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This article has 21 comments.


Diana101 GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 4:27 pm
Diana101 GOLD, Grove City, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God's delays are not God's denials"

This was a great story!! Keep on writing:)

on Aug. 1 2010 at 9:09 pm

Simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

There was not metaphor here at all. Basically all you did was call a human a bear. And the only thing the bear did was hibernate, which is basically a human going to his or her bedroom to think. Everything else the bear says and does is entierly human. 

So basically I'd just say forget the metaphor and just call this "within reach: a message to my friend" or something becuase that is exactly what it is. There is no disguise here at all. So don't try to give it one--and it would be a lot better.


J.A.M. SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 11:41 pm
J.A.M. SILVER, Lacey, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments

I like your metaphor. I think it accurately personifies the emotion one would have in this situation. I think everyone has felt like a bear in hibernation in one instance or another, although maybe not for the same reasons. For that, I think your readers can relate to your story in that light even if you didnt mean it in that way. I thought this story was good, although i think it could have gone into more detail about the bear thing bacause it seemed a little odd fitting with the rest of the story.

overall, good job. :)


on Jul. 25 2010 at 8:31 pm
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

Hey that was awesome...especially your idea on writing from a bear's point of view...its different and totally stands out...u've written a unique piece...which can be easy to relate to and seem something completley different at the same time...continue writing coz u rock ;]

on Jul. 25 2010 at 11:09 am
wild-free BRONZE, Billerica, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All good things are wild and free." - Henry David Thoreau

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Albus Dumbledore

I liked this story a lot because it is very easy to relate to. I've lost a friendship way back when and this story brought back those memories. It's good to be able to relate to stories, it makes them that much more powerful. I loved the analogy at the beginning, I thought it was very creative. Overall, it was very nicely written and you did a good job! :)

iDogrocker said...
on Jul. 25 2010 at 2:22 am
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
Huh. This is a lot different from the stuff I'm accustomed to reading, but it was very accessible. Keep writing!

on Jul. 24 2010 at 9:30 pm
justsmile164 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Talent is nothing without character."

this is really powerful. it is especially so, since sooo many teenagers experience this. you created a great metaphor, and i really liked this! :)

on Jul. 24 2010 at 6:51 pm
MedievalMouse94 SILVER, Toms River, New Jersey
8 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A broken heart may heal with time, but even the smallest of wounds leaves a scar."

Great metaphor. 5 stars for you! :3  I love it!

on Jul. 24 2010 at 12:39 am
cantfindascreename BRONZE, Chino Hills, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others"

haha no I am not offended at all! I understand the grammar freak thing, I was rush typing when I did this, I will be more careful in the future(: Thank you for the comment!

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 10:40 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

Interesting metaphor, I never thought of it that way. normally freinds don't all split do thewy, ive had and seen many fueds, and most of the time there is the little, "double agent" who relays the he said she said to the outsider of the group. thats how i normally see it. I see the meaning behind your words and sometimes it is hard to relize that when you have been freinds with someone for a long time. you tell that persone so much share good times, it is like those memories are changed and clouded. Like most i did not understan the bear until i read on, very clever.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 11:21 pm
lizzymwrites GOLD, Miami, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only people for me are the mad ones... the ones who never yawn and say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders against the stars." - Jack Kerouac

 

I see most people agree with me: I didn't really get the bear metaphor at first. I guess we're all a little slow, huh?

My only criticism is that you wrote "a bear in it's den." It's = it is. Belonging to it = its (without apostrophe). This is a very common mistake, but I'm a huge grammar freak, and most authors appreciate constructive criticism, so... sorry if I offended you?

Anyway, I loved it. You should write some more =D


KK2013 GOLD said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 9:03 pm
KK2013 GOLD, Solon, Ohio
10 articles 2 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.-J. K. Rowling

Oh, haha, I already read this! woops.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 6:52 pm
WriterGirl33 PLATINUM, Tulsa, Oklahoma
26 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to not speak and let people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Well I thought it was interesting, but I think you needed more description and a plot. I liked the metaphor though.

Diesel SILVER said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 4:41 pm
Diesel SILVER, West Hartford, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Although it's a good start, I think this story suffered from not having a grounding backstory. It's a bit too undeveloped, which makes it a bit cliche for my taste. Just something to work on, that's all.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 5:39 am
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

Forgot I  already comment on this piece, sorry.

KK2013 GOLD said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 10:01 pm
KK2013 GOLD, Solon, Ohio
10 articles 2 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.-J. K. Rowling

Wow, very interesting! at the beginning, I was really confused, because although I thought it MAY be an analogy, I thought it was being literal, like her friend said some spell or something... woops!! 

Very well written though, it successfully captured the emotions in ending what had been a great relationship with anyone. very very well done.


Cigg.Sunn GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2010 at 9:54 pm
Cigg.Sunn GOLD, Avondale, Arizona
12 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When we were yonger, we used to think dandelions were flowers, it's not until we grew up that we begun calling them flowers. Dandelions never changed. Our standards did."

The first two lines of the second parapgrah hit home for me. I hate losing friends.

 

I love this piece. You created emotion out of a topic so strong and most fail to express right. :D Great write.


on Jul. 10 2010 at 6:14 pm
cantfindascreename BRONZE, Chino Hills, California
1 article 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others"

Thank you guys(: I will definintley take your comments into account!

on Jul. 9 2010 at 7:08 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

I...honestly can't give constructive criticism.  I don't have anything to critique.  This was excellent, so realistic and well-written, very interesting and well-expressed.  I had a similar experience, although not quite the same.

on Jul. 9 2010 at 4:27 pm
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

At first I didn't get the whole 'bear' thing, but once I read through it I began to see the metaphor. I'm not sure how to make it better, it sounds awesome in my opinon,, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to explain what happen. Like how you felt when your friend stripped you of your nomral life. What exactly did she do to make you feel betrayled?




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