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Your Pain Is My Secrey
I remember when my father first told me a secret is not a secret once it has been told. Forever has that one sentence printed itself into my mind. I am now 13 years old and hide my life from others. Yeah so every teenager has there sob story don't they? Everybody has terrible parents that fight and horrible life that makes them want to cut their life short. Don't we all?
The bell rang and I once again was late to English. Not always a good thing but it's not terribly bad either. I walked slowly down the hall and into the chilled room and i once again get scornful looks from my class mates.I pull my sleeves down and sit down.
"What's the story?" Mrs.Taylor said impatiently,
"Well i was in the bathroom and it was an emergency and there was just so many girls and you know how that is right? I mean-"
"Well I'll give you one, straight to the office."
I grabbed the maroon slip from her and looked at my class mates as they smirk and support my mistake. I arrive into the office and take a seat the room seems awfully hot but i know it's just me. I look around and can see the cream colored walls are beginning to fade into a beige and the peppermint fragrance has worn into a faint smell only when you pass the deodorizer. The secretary has now began glaring at me and i wonder if she'll ask why i am wearing a wool sweater and jeans when it is 102 degrees outside.
"Hello, Miss you may come in now." said my up-tight 7th grade principal,
"Okay." i faintly said.
"Late again Mal?"
"why are you wearing a sweater on such a hot day?"
"Cold i guess."
"Well 8th tardy in a month, sorry but this calls for a write up."
"okay..can i go?"
"yeah I'll let your dad know later."
"yes, is that a problem?"
I lifted myself up and held back the tears as they forced there way through the slimy walls of my eyes.I felt my sleeve go up and the principal dart her eyes toward my arm. I pulled down my sleeve and reached the door.
On my way back to English i stopped in the bathroom and cried. My anxiety, a hidden secret of mine set in and I felt so attacked. Whats going to happen? I'll be sick once again tomorrow.I walked into English just as the bell rang and gathered my stuff my English teacher seemed very troubled as to why i was so hidden and secretive. All of my teacher knew me as a very popular girl they would tell my mother how social I was and how many friends i had.Never once had they spoken about my sad days and the sweaters and pants i wore.
I clicked my locker open as my guys sat there complementing my a** and thinking i couldn't hear them. I slammed it shut and though am I going to die tonight? i walked into math and slipped into my usual spot. Sal Flopped into the seat next to mine and as usual he distracted me and got me yelled at.
Sal was my best friend until recently he lied to me. He was the one that would always make fun of me and how I was always sick.Everybody does, but nobody understands.He used to tell me all his secrets and he would stay up all night and text me. Sometimes he would even call me. I was always happy to talk to him and i always felt guilty that i could never tell him anything serious about myself i could never tell him or truly relate to his life because he thought mine was so perfect. He lied to me. My best friend who always could cheer me up and so being myself, i yelled at him and when i was done being outraged with anger i dropped my phone and went running. On my 4 AM run i cried i cried hard for everything that happened to me in my life for everything that has happened to my friends and for the life i didn't want to live.
As the end-of-school bell rang i hustled into the mob of friends and walked to my locker threw my math notebook into my locker and proceeded down the steps. Walking outside and to the mess of hugs and goodbyes my friends gave me I was left standing alone. I had no parent to pick me up unlike my friends i walked. I walked on the hottest, Coldest, rainiest days. A lot of times i thought about depression and plans of killing myself which i never proceeded in doing. When i got home i slammed my back pack on the kitchen counter and ran into my room.
3:14 AM.I told you once and I'm fed up with you.Do you hear me girl?I want to sleep and this secret can never be told as i open my mouth to respond a strong pressure released into my lower back and proceeded to move throughout my body. I closed my eyes and before i knew it everything was black. I hate getting trouble at school.
I woke up the next day to a hollowed out house of no beating hearts except my own. I looked at my skin and as i expected was swollen and purple. I can never just say I'm sorry can I? I guess it's just another day of calling in sick isn't it. I can never tell this secret, Or i won't have a true secret. I love you too dad.