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Weird William

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William always has a handicap sign hanging from his rearview mirror on his Kia minivan. After a car crash many years ago, he was given the parking pass for his car. Although fully recovered, he still takes advantage of the excellent parking opportunity. Despite the handicap sign, he owns a yellow motorcycle that he often rides. Insulation lines his windows, making it impossible for any outside person to peek into his mysterious powder-blue house. Instead of healthy, vibrant green grass in his front yard, William has unsightly shrubs and bizarre trees surrounded by pebbles decorating his lawn. The weird plants creep over his neighbors’ fence, forcing them to spend their Saturday mornings chopping away at ugly shrubs. William would be the last person to buy Girl Scout cookies or open his door to a solicitor and absolutely no children approach Williams’s dark house on Halloween night in hopes of candy. He never shows any signs of Christmas lights, trees, or decorations, nor does he join in any neighborhood gatherings on the 4th of July. Although many neighbors secretly refer to him as “Weird William,” few know the true William.
Early one morning William awoke at 7am. He slowly got out of bed, found his slippers, put on his old, cracked glasses, and looked for his robe. His salt and pepper hair went in every direction and his beard was no better, looking particularly unkempt this morning. His robe barely tied due to his bulging stomach and his feet disappeared form his sight when he stood. As he walked past the fish tank on his way to the master bathroom, the little goldfish swam up to the surface in hopes of a snack. Observing this, William stopped and fed his hungry friend.
After he showered, William went to his computer desk, which faces out his only window directly into his neighbors’ back yard. Once done browsing the Sears tool catalog online, he looked up through his window, only to see his neighbor cutting shrubs of his that were growing over the fence and into her yard. Anxious to converse, William left his virtual tool shop in order to go make conversation with his unsuspecting neighbor. Just as she finished and turned with her gear to walk back towards her house, William anxiously walked out of his back door.
“I noticed you were just cutting that shrub Lori,” William said as he tried to act casually.
“Oh… yes. It was growing over the fence a bit,” she said quietly while still walking in the direction of our back door. Lori, although usually talkative and kind, clearly wasn’t in the mood for conversation.
“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” apologized William. “Do you need some clippers? Or perhaps a saw. Saws will get the job done,” he explained. Williams’ knowledge of tools exceeded what any one person should know. He owns every tool sold at Home Depot and keeps them all in the confinement of his two-car garage. William’s social habits consisted of stalking his neighbors in order to offer his large quantity of tools for them to use. Although done with the best intention, many didn’t appreciate the help that he offered.
“Well, I am actually done now, William. Thank you. Have a good Saturday,” Lori explained, scurrying in the direction of her house even faster than before.
“Okay…” William trialed off, not able to finish his sentence. He turned around to walk back to his house. “Well, that was pleasant,” he thought, unaware of Lori’s obvious escape from the awkward situation.

Word Count: 603





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