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The Day of Murder

By , Nevada, IA
On the day of your 18th birthday when you opened my present(two backstage tickets to Kid Rock)you said i was your favorite brother. I took that as a complement. On the night of the concert we were backstage, Kid Rock was already performing. This guy from out of nowhere grabbed you by the neck and said," You do what I want you to do there won't be any harm." The guy said he wanted $50,000 by the end of the night. I asked for some privacy to go use the bathroom and the guy said yes. The fist thing I did when I got to the bathroom was call the police, because the guy didn't know i had a cellphone. Then I called my parents. They saod they would have fifty grand before midnight. When we heard the police sirens the guy freaked out. He pushed you away pulled the gun out and was about to shoot. I jumped in front of the bullet. Complete impact to the heart. I was dead. That was the sad day of murder.





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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

palak said...
Jun. 9, 2010 at 11:37 am
I liked it a lot ...good job
 
little-miss-mistakes said...
Jun. 8, 2010 at 12:27 pm
i liked this alot actually... i like how short this is for some odd reason....... but i would add some more descriptive words
 
coly33 said...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 4:48 pm

wow

that was... wow

inspiring interesting

i loved it actually

:)

 
i_am_nobody said...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm
um... its a little rough but pretty good
 
Agatha25 said...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 6:16 am
This was okay, it's a good idea :) i think to improve this you could use some more discriptive words and perhaps use similies and/or metaphors just to make it that little bit better. Building things up with this story would have been good because you would have created more suspence and gripped readers a little more. I hope this helped a bit, good luck writting for the future.
 
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