Where do I start? The beginning is the end and the end is only the beginning. But I should probably start from when my world started crashing down. We were in the kitchen when it happened, when I started losing it, it was April 23 and I had just turned 17.

“We are just so different now!” she yelled, Savannah my best friend was saying this to me. She didn’t even want to stay friends. “Lily I just don’t see how we can continue being friends! We always fight and it’s not the way our friendship should be!” and then she did it. She just walked out slamming my door not even looking back, no sign of regret.

I felt my head spin and then I was on the floor bawling, and that was just the start.

Last summer

That was when we started to drift apart. We were in Cabo for my 16th birthday. I remember being on the beach me in my white Prada bathing suit popping against my deep summer tan. Savannah was in a navy bathing suit looking paler than ever with her chocolate brown hair tied up in a knot on the top of her head.

That was when we first saw him. We were walking down the beach to our chairs and there he was throwing a Frisbee with some other guy we could barely recognize. But we recognized Todd. Todd was the quarter back of the football team, he was a senior at our high school and happened to be Savannahs ex-boyfriend, her current crush and was looking straight at us. Only problem was he wasn’t looking at Savannah, he was looking at me and she knew it.

“How could you?” Savannah growled when we were back at our hotel room fury was radiating from her.

“Do what I did nothing wrong!” I countered. I mean honestly I hadn’t done anything except were a bathing suit on a beach and just so happened to see Savannahs ex-boyfriend.

“So you didn’t know Todd would be here, and you didn’t know Todd thought you were hot, and you just so happened to see him here on your birthday yea real coincidence!” she was screaming now, I cringed at the sound.

“NO SAVANNAH, god I promise you I didn’t know!” I said, truth be told I knew half of what she had said was true. I had known the real reason Todd had broken up with her and it was gnawing at me but I couldn’t tell her it would crush her.

“Whatever,” she puffed, she was cooling down and went to get ready for dinner, we were going to go to the restaurant. And as tradition stood we would be at an exotic place, somewhere other than the U.S. in an expensive restaurant that my dad was paying for, it was always the perfect birthday except that night we had a little surprise.

I stepped out of our rented convertible. When I got out I was in a short coral colored v-necked dress and sky high nude stilettos. My blonde hair was in beach waves. Savannah came out after me in a light blue dress with silver flats; she had her hair in a simple twist and her brown bangs hanging out framing her face. She barely wore any makeup; she could always look so pretty without doing much.

I had known Todd was coming, it was plastered on my face I tried to act surprised but it didn’t work Savannah knew me too well. But she misinterpreted his being there.

“I get it now you had Todd come here so that we could get back together.” She whispered in my ear. She had seen the other friend and thought he was for me.

“Yeah but let me have a little chat with him because he doesn’t know you know the surprise for you so we need to go work out a good plan why don’t you talk to Josh while I’m with Todd.” I said taking a deep breath.

I grabbed Todd by the arm and hissed, “We need to talk now!” and started walking to the back of the restaurant to get a drink.

“What was that about,” he said when we were out of their view, he put his hands around my waist, gosh why did Savannah have to still like him?

“ Savannah thinks you’re here for you two to get back together!” I said my voice full of edge if Savannah was to take two steps to the left she would be able to see us.

“Wait your kidding me right?” Todd asked getting a coke for himself.

“No she thinks you’re here for her, and that you brought Josh along so I wouldn’t be lonely,” I scoffed as I saw Todd thinking this as a valid option. “Todd you aren’t seriously thinking of it the way Savannah is are you?” I looked him in the eyes. Savannah had gone through so much when he broke up with her everything went so wrong for her that’s why we waited to possibly get together, I watched for 3 months him go through girls like tissues with Savannah, it breaking my heart just as much as it was breaking hers.

Savannah and Josh started towards us. “The table is ready,” she giggled. Shyly she came over and grabbed Todd’s hand him just looking at me and smiling while I followed seeing how my night would be over run by lies and attention going to Savannah. I suddenly felt invisible.

That’s when it happened. Josh or Todd or maybe even Savannah saw it. Saw that I was about to blow or that I was about to cry. That I was about to tell Savannah the truth but at that moment Savannah stood up and said, “We need to talk.” And that’s when I thought she knows. But I still went to the restroom with Savannah giving the guys the, oh c***, look.

“ Listen I just realized Todd and I are stealing your night,” she said seeing my face relax so did she. “So I say we cancel the dinner and do it another night.”
Yes you heard me right she thought I should postpone my birthday dinner so she could get together with her “boyfriend”.

“Savannah,” I took a deep breath,” no we aren’t cancelling my birthday dinner and your not getting back together with Todd.”

“What …” she stuttered but I cut her off.

“Todd is here for me, he broke up with you for me and Josh is just here to soften the blow Todd may be to nice of a guy to tell you but the truth is he always liked me he dated you to get to me, I have always liked him but then you dated him and he was off limits but I am done! You wanting me to cancel my dinner because of him just shows me, I am a better friend than you and that you know what he isn’t off limits for me anymore.” I huffed. It felt like a million elephants had just been lifted off of my chest.

“Lily,” is all she could say, running out of the restaurant. When I came out I didn’t see Todd or Josh all I saw was a waiter. I gave him some cash and then called for my car but it wasn’t there. So I had them call a cab and rode back to my hotel.

When I opened the door Savannah was packing her bags. When she looked up she just zipped her bag grabbed her purse and said, “ whatever I forgot just mail to me and never talk to me again.” That’s the first time she walked away from me, and that was our rude awakening, that we were different.

We eventually started talking again when she realized I turned down Todd and had left the next day. But things were strained. And the next few months were full with fights, and insults but there was one more colossal than the rest that drove her to completely stop being my friend that one day. It was after Emma came.

Emma, Em as we called her, hated me. I had always known that I didn’t expect her to like me anyways. She came from New York. She had been a friend of Savannah when she lived there and her dad got a new job and moved here. She expected to be her best friend but when she got here she had a surprise, that I had taken her place.

We let her hang out with us; I didn’t want to start another fight. But little did I realize Em prided herself in never, that’s right never, being in a fight with a friend, nether the less in a fight with Savannah. So I had to be on my best behavior. But that’s how Savannah and I worked. We fought, we made up, and then we ended up closer than ever. One night Savannah spent the night at my house, I never invited Em to sleep over. And she was talking about a friend who annoyed her but she wouldn’t name the name. So I guessed Em. Savannah didn’t deny it she just asked, “why would you think it was Em?”

“ If you haven’t noticed she’s kind of like terrible. If she doesn’t like someone then hey she is going to spread rumors and tell lies and let that person know what she thinks about them. She is going to be like one of those people who little kids run away from when they see her coming and hide in fear. And she hates me. I mean she really hates me!” I said hopefully Savannah agreed.

“Lily did it ever occur to you that I was talking about you?” Savannah whispered then got up and went to the blow up mattress and went to bed.

That’s when my world started to get ruined, Em knew that I had finally snapped and told Savannah. That’s when the blows started coming. Em would hang out with Savannah on the weekends and take our plans. She started to freeze me out and we all knew it. I made attempts to get back in the know; I made attempts to talk to her. Every single time it seemed like I got through but the truth was I was just nobody to her now. And the confrontations made it worse.

One day while on my way to class Em ran into me and without skipping a beat she whispered, “face it you lost, Savannah isn’t your friend anymore. Why don’t you just run along and buy some new ones.”

I must have turned white because when I got to class my teacher sent me to the nurse and ended up going home for the rest of the day. That night I called Savannah, she said she would come around 5.

And that is where I am now. On the floor crying because of what she said, because of who we now are, and to think it all started last summer when everything seemed like it would be perfect.

But in a way that end was a start to the new beginning. When she said those words to me I guess that is when I started doing things like volunteer at shelters and soup kitchens. And I guess that all of those good deeds paid off because karma started hitting me hard.

At school I started hanging out with old friends who I had neglected to hang out with since middle school. The people who were good, they didn’t party, they didn’t drink. They were who I had used to be and I guess who I now was because that was who I was hanging out with. In a way that devastation changed me as a person and turned into the person I had originally gone in hoping to be. In a way that end was the best beginning I could have asked for.