Freshman Year…Not Enough Band-Aids

April 6, 2010
By , Swampscott, MA
The monster entered my life during what was supposed to be the best year of my life. I looked forward to enter Swampscott High ever since fifth grade. I always imagined my freshman year to be jam packed with unforgettable memories. Well, my freshman year was packed with memories that I will never forget but they have left more scars then I planned. Unfortunately, I only packed enough Band-Aids for any minor cuts and bruises that would be left by any “unfriendly” upperclassmen and after high school swim team started I became friends with mostly upperclassmen. So, any left over band-aids were used towards this monster that intruded my mind until I was broken and shattered into a thousand pieces.

The monster was depressed and destructive. She had marks as if a small kid was playing tic-tack-toe on her arms . They were a deep maroon color and were filled with pain. I was never a huge fan of the monster in the first place. She kind of grabbed onto me for my high school rollercoaster ride. The time finally approached me and I just could not take any more of her drama.

It was one winter day and my best friend Ali and I sat down in her basement and recollected and vented all of our terrible occurrences with the monster to each other. We each took turns venting and this is all the things that we came up that were starting to get on our nerves. The monster would starve its self before a swim meet and the pass out frequently on the pool deck. The monster would get in contact with me somehow and tell me all this revolting unnecessary information about her cuts, random hookups, substances that who knows where it came from or what is in it, and her parents. The monster got my ex-boyfriend Ryan to hate me in less then ten days after we were together for at least three months. The monster would talk behind my back and trust me if you heard some of the things she said about me you would think that they were ten times worse then Regina George in the movie Mean Girls and if you haven’t seen that movie trust me she is mean. The monster stole six shots of liquor from my friend’s parents . Took all SIX shots in less then fifteen minutes and was perfectly fine. I was kind of scared after that night mostly because she was becoming an alcoholic.

The worst thing the monster did was text Ali at midnight and poured out all these gruesome cutting details while she was slicing herself. I read the texts that the monster sent Ali and I felt like I was in a horror movie listing to a poor young soul die . I can remember exactly what the text read, “I just cut deeper then usual OH AND IT FELT GOOD!!! It’s an up and down one but it wolnt stop bleeding and the blood is oozing out more then last time…ALI U THERE I NEED 2 TELL U MORE…” Tears were unleashed that night from two young innocent people, Ali and I. Ali was frightened and didn’t know what to do or how to respond. I was furious at the monster for hurting Ali and worried that she would not be mature enough to handle this situation.

Right then and there I realized what on Earth am I doing putting my self through all this pain. The next day, I explained my reasoning to Ali about abandoning the monster’s relationship and she thought it was one of the worst of my crazy thoughts and at first she thought I was joking and out of my mind. But, I wasn’t.

It took a long month to mentally prepare myself for this battle versus the monster. I told myself everyday, “no matter what she says to you… you are amazing!” When the day finally came and I saw that she was on AIM so me being the oblivious person I am texted what might have been able to get me killed. “We need to talk about our so called friendship.” She was so mad at me that night. “WHAT THIS IS SO RANDOM Y R U TELLING ME THIS????” she responded, furiously. I told her the truth I didn’t want to be her friend because she was too dramatic about everything, was a bad influence on me, and most importantly she wasn’t pleasant to be around . I mean no one wants to be friends with a backstabbing, rude, unfriendly, girl.

Our friendship ended that night. Yes, we still talk but very little. She still smokes a lot of mysterious substances and hasn’t learned a thing from my departure. She still talks behind my back and cyber bullies me on Facebook. But, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. So, now it’s not really bullying it’s more like the monster is putting on a show where she is the clown in the middle of the ring and everybody is laughing right at her. I am glad were not friends anymore but, I thought that just maybe me leaving her alone would of taught her a lesson and she might of changed her ways. It’s just too bad half my freshman year was absorbed by this monster and I while others were having fun I was stuck inside sticking band-aids all over my cuts and wounds that might never heal. I could have avoided all of this if I just have listed to my mother’s “famous” saying, “Friends are supposed to a reflection of you. Don’t be friends with someone that you can’t see yourself in.” I never saw myself in the monster.

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