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The Secret Diary
Hey! Uh. Well this is kind of weird I never thought I would write to a diary especially a secret one. I don’t think I will ever get used to this. Well I will tell you this I’m pregnant and well wow I never thought I would tell anyone that not even a diary. I hope nobody ever finds this since I’m only 14 years old and an orphan with this crappy adoptive family. They wouldn’t understand anything especially my pregnancy I don’t know how much longer I can keep it a secret. I only have one true friend Holly and I don’t know how I will tell her the news. I will find a way and hopefully I can get out of this rat hole before my baby is born into this family. I could never ever let my baby down and I will give her the best life ever and she will never have to worry about anything. I should probably tell you about other things more important things.
I’m 14 my name is Jillian but I go by JJ and only JJ. My adoptive family doesn’t even call me that they call me Johanna my middle name and I absolutely hate it not the name just the fact that THEY call me that. THEY don’t understand me THEY never have and I tried to like THEM it’s just so hard. THEY have two kids and THEY treat those kids like gold. When I’m around those kids they make me feel like dirt. The only reason THEY adopted me was because they have twin boys and the mother thought it was a good idea to get a girl. Blake and Drake are the two boys and it’s obnoxious that their names rhyme. Anyway that’s enough about THEM let’s move on.
This is my diary and I will write everything that has happened and everything that does happen in it and I won’t stop any time soon. Now I will tell you everything that is important that happened in the past few months.
I just started the 8th grade and it was tons of fun well mostly. I just learned that my best friend Holly was moving out of Dayton and she wasn’t even staying in Ohio. I couldn’t believe it she was moving to Madison, New Jersey. I will barely ever get to see her and I am like a sister to her and now she’s leaving. So besides that big upset everything was great. We were having an 8th grade prom next week and I just got asked out by Jake Asther. Of course I said yes and I couldn’t wait to next week. So I’m going to skip ahead a few days, to the prom night.
It’s Friday night and I’m in my really nice blue dress and I was so excited that I was going out with Jake tonight. I heard the door bell ring and I went downstairs to get the door so Holly could come in. She was wearing her red dress and it was a really cute dress. We got ready and waited for our dates to come to the house; First Russ came so he sat down next to Holly while we waited for Jake. Then Jake came in the limo for us and then we all got into the limo and left for the prom. It was tons of fun but I never noticed that someone was putting vodka in the punch bowl. Luckily I never drank any but after the prom I realized that Jake must have had some of that punch.
I won’t tell you everything so to make it short he pulled me aside after everyone else left and well he raped me. It’s strange I didn’t really remember much but then I stayed in that ballroom after he left eventually Holly came back from the gift shop in the hotel lobby. I told her what happened and then we agreed we wouldn’t tell anyone else what had happened that night. Neither of us expected what would happen later that night. It would change our lives forever.
Holly came over the next day with the newspaper we stared at the article in disbelief. It was titled “Prom Night Tragedy.” It basically was telling all about the vodka punch at the prom and that Jake Asther was killed in a car accident. It was his own fault he was drunk way over the legal limit. He crashed his car into a pharmacy a few blocks away from the hotel. Holly and I took the limo so he must have walked back to his house got his car and then drove back to the hotel and crashed. His parents were in shock he was such a good kid who made a mistake.
Well I don’t think he was a good kid ever and his parents just didn’t pay close enough attention to him. I found out I was pregnant a week after that. I thought something was wrong I kept getting cramps and I was feeling under the weather for two weeks. I bought a pregnancy test and I told Holly that I thought I was pregnant. We were at her house when I took the test so whatever the results were I would have a friend there for me no matter what. I took the test and it was positive I was scared and both Holly and I were crying.
My life was terrible I was losing my friend, I had a crappy family, and now I was pregnant and the father was dead. Everything was happening so fast and I could hardly handle it. That’s why I’m writing this secret diary so that I can remember everything that happens and so that I can let out all of my feelings to something I can trust. Everything I say has rarely been spoken of and it’s easier to cope with all the pain this way. All the events are now going to take a part my life and tear it into tiny pieces and then I will have to rebuild my life back up to what it was. But how am I going to have this baby living in this house with THEM. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. Perhaps run away or even tell THEM I doubt it the second option is totally out.
Today was a crappy day and I can’t believe all of the things those kids said. The kids at school were making fun of me saying that I drove Jake so crazy he went and killed himself or that I made him so blinded that he drank like a crazy man and drove his car into a building. I mean I can’t understand anything about it I don’t get why they won’t leave me alone. No one at school knows anything else about that night and it better stay that way.
As I grow out of all of my pants and start to wear sweat pants THEY think I’m going into depression so they enrolled me in therapy sessions. I don’t like therapy that much and the therapist even tells me there is nothing wrong with me that he can see. THEY won’t listen to him so they took me to a different therapist. This one tells THEM she needs to see me twice a week to get to know me better then she will see how I’m doing.
I will never confide with that therapist at least not when she reports to THEM. I will have to run away and soon before THEY find out that I’m pregnant.