Heaven awaits

February 20, 2010
As I sat here on the white clouds in the bright blue sky that I always looked upon when I was a little girl with the little bows in my hair and wished that I could be up here, but not in these circumstances. I ran my life through my mind and knew that god wanted this for me, even thought I wasn’t too happy with it. Just to feel one second of my parent’s warm embrace. Maybe this was the beginning of my life. When I was down there all filled with fear and sadness I felt like I was dead with no one to turn to at school and no one to have fun with but until this, I learned what death was really like.

1 week ago on a sunny day in Toronto, I had gone to the Children’s Hospital. I was very frightened of what was happening to me. My long brown locks were now all gone. They had sadly shredded over the summer. I had always dreamed of long hair and finally when I grew it, it started falling out of my head. As I walked into the cold, smelly children’s hospital, I saw all the sick patients there. From the babies to the toddlers to the children that was dying, or seriously ill. I had never really noticed how terrible the world had been turning to. Why did people have to die, what was the meaning of it. I sat on the chairs holding my mom’s soft hand, it was shaking, she was scared more than I was and it hit me right there, that something bad was happening to me and I or anyone couldn’t stop it because if God wanted me with him, that’s how it was meant to be. A doctor came out of the room and asked us to follow him. He looked at me and told me how grateful I was to be able to get treatment. I didn’t know what he meant because I had never been to any hospital like this one. He told me that I had the middle stages of leukemia. I didn’t understand , I had never even had the beginning stages. I held in my tears, afraid of showing the pain deep inside me. My dad had called me a little trooper, I missed that now. I couldn’t talk to him ever again. After My parent got the news, they decided to move me to a new school. Whatever the reason was , I didn’t really get it. Out of the times they could’ve moved me. They moved me when I was going through this all. They never talked about what was happening to me, they acted like I was normal which I preferable liked. The next day they sent me to a new school within walking distance. I knew that starting at a new school was not going to be easy. As I walked into the terrifying halls all alone, it reminded me of how I would feel when I was dead and gone. I truly knew what that was like now. All the girls that had passed by me, had pretty long hair and beautiful faces. I wish that I could look like that but I already had tried a wig and the rash was to hard to deal with. I wanted to just fly away like a bird because all of them were pretty. Boys had passed by me and just gave me a funny look like I was a martian or something. A tear had trickled down my face.Then as usual their were the popular girls walking by me glaring at me. I knew that I wouldn’t even try to be friends with them because they would be like all the other popular girls I have met, and just brush me off. My first period was phys-ed, which I preferably liked because I loved to break off a sweat but until the showers it wasn’t so fun anymore. I took off my clothes shyly. I wasn’t really developed yet. I walked into the shower and grabbed my shampoo, and I remembered that I couldn’t shampoo my hair anymore because I had no hair. I looked down at my feet, and my shampoo had dropped on the ground. The mean girls just cackled and said how I was bald so I didn’t need shampoo anyways. I thought that if you were a good person, you would always get what you deserve but lately that hadn’t been happening. I never was scared about dying because I knew I was healthy but then I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t ready to die.

I walked home and ran up the stairs to my quiet bedroom. The tears just kept coming I fell onto the floor. I was shaking. I didn’t know what was happening? Everything just started turning black and dizzy.

I opened my heavy eyes. I could barely open them. Out of the squint out of my eyes I saw the cord under my nose and the plugs all stickered onto my bare skin. My bald head felt cold but I couldn’t move my muscles to warm it up. I was in a room but not just any room, a hospital room. I could smell all the anesthetics and my parents were sitting in the chairs next to the bed drenched in tears. They didn’t need to cry, I was alright, it was probably just a stress reaction. After dealing with a hard first day I was exhausted. The doctor came in wearing a white coat and was shaking his oval head. I was scared of what the circumstances could be. I looked at him and he smiled but it was not like any other smiles I had seen today. He waved his finger towards my parents and they followed him into another room. I wanted to kiss them to make them know that everything was going to be okay but I knew it wasn’t. And I was too stubborn to accept the fact. I started getting drowsy and was off in dead sleep again.

The aroma swiveled up my nose and I opened my eyes. My stomach was all over the place, I tried to lift my muscles up but they wouldn’t communicate with me. I opened my mouth to say a couple words but my voice had evaporated. I looked around and I was in my car. In the backseat was a rectangular black coffin. Had someone died? Why would a dead body be in my car. I finally spoke a couple of words but it was like I wasn’t even there. My parent’s just sat in the front seat and my mom was looking out the window with a expression I never had seen before. My dad was stern driving the car and didn’t make one sound or move. Were they angry with me. I went to open up the coffin but my hand went right through it. I was transparent. Was this a dream. This couldn’t be it. Was I dead. I was confused I mean only a week ago , I had been diagnosed with leukemia but the doctor said I would take the treatment and I would be good before I knew it, but now it all went together, it was just for me to keep going in life as I would usually. I wanted to be able to hug my parents and tell thank them for the life they had given me even though I didn’t get to experience it for too long. My Dad parked the car and stepped out of the vehicle and the back popped open I touched his face but I had no feeling. He broke down in tears and I couldn’t handle what I had done. Maybe if I tried harder I would still be there with them. My mom got out of the car and hugged him gently she whispered to him that everything was gonna be okay and his little soldier was up in heaven because god loved her to much to not have her. At that moment I knew that it was my time to die and even though I would miss everybody that I had left behind they would be okay because god would take care of them. A tear slowly ran down my face. I had to die, God had a life for me, a better one, maybe my life was just starting and I didn’t know it. I was more scared for my family then myself. Then I was going to Heaven, I thought I would turn into a angel and take care of everybody but before I knew it I ended up here on this cloud, looking down on the world itself. Click, click, I heard footsteps, I slowly looked around. There he was looking upon me with his dearing eyes and said come on my child, you have a life ahead of you, and I walked through the luminescent arches marked with gold lettering saying Heaven.

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