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She wished it hadn’t happened but she knew it did. She knew she couldn’t change the past, but she could change the future. She was sixty five, and she knew that she didn’t have much of a future left to change. She remembered what happened, way back then. So she sat in her rocking chair. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
March 5, 1987. She thought it was the best day of her life. She had a son! She named him Isiah Ray Clark. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Instead of crying, he came out with a big smile. That the doctors even thought was too cute.
About a year later, he started to walk and talk. She went to work. Suddenly, out of the blue her boss told her he needed to talk to her. “Rachel, you have been slacking off”, is how he started. “I’m sorry Rachel, but we just can’t have people like you in this building. You are fired.”, is how he ended it.
She had a million thoughts going through her head. She felt as if a knife had been jabbed into her heart. She was more upset than she had ever been before. But she didn’t know that the worst was yet to come. She would feel ten thousand times worse than she did now. All though she probably didn’t even think that was possible.
With no job, and only getting $200 a month from unemployment, she knew she couldn’t keep Isiah. She was extremely upset. She cried very hard until she didn’t think there were any more tears left in her. That night, she lay in bed and thought about how much she was going to miss him. She then sat on the side of her bed praying to God to let her keep Isiah.
The next day she called her mother and told her about everything. Her mother then called somebody who would do anything for a baby. Her name was Carol Sharp. And she lived about an hour away from Rachel. She came over to Rachel’s house the minute she hung up the phone.
When she arrived she took one look at the smiling baby on the floor and cried. She picked him up and whispered in his ear, “Hi,baby I’m your new mommy.” She started crying again and this time she just collapsed onto the floor.
Carol gave Rachel a month to tell Isiah goodbye. But to Rachel, that wasn’t nearly enough time. Right after Carol left, Rachel broke out crying. She sat on the floor and cried for a half an hour. And then Isiah saw his mom crying and sat by her and cried with her until he cried himself to sleep.
The next day, Rachel took Isiah to the park. He had so much fun. He was chasing the birds and feeding them. He made a new friend named Sarah too. While Isiah was playing with Sarah, Sarah’s mother went over to to Rachel and they got talking about how being a single parent was so hard. And Destiny (Sarah’s mother) got talking about how her husband died in a plane crash. Rachel didn’t like talking about how her husband died.
Rachel’s husband was an alcoholic. He died in a car accident after drinking. But that wasn’t the reason that she didn’t like talking about it. She didn’t like talking about it because when she heard about the accident, she didn’t feel anything. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t upset. She was only worried about the baby not having a father.
When they got home from the park, she saw Carol waiting for them in the rocking chair. Rachel asked why Carol was there. “I wanted to see Isiah.”, she said. That’s when Rachel got really upset. “You are getting him next month, you can see him then! I am not in the mood to see you at all! I didn’t even want to give away Isiah to begin with! I kind of wanted to say goodbye to him without you popping in every day! So leave us alone until next month!”, Rachel yelled. “I am sorry you feel that way Rachel,” Carol said crying as she left.
That night, Rachel felt bad about what had happened earlier. Rachel called Carol. Carol picked up the phone.
“Hey Carol, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier, I was thinking about my husband who had passed away.”
“Oh. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have just come over without your knowing.”
“So do you forgive me?”
“Yes. And do you forgive me?”
Then they both hung up. Isiah was on the floor playing with his toys. “Look Mommy, I’m a race car!! Vroom Vroom!” said Isiah. Rachel looked at him.
“Ya. That’s great!”,
Rachel replied. Then, she sat on the floor and played with him all night. Until he got so tired, he fell asleep in her lap.
“I love you Mommy.”
“I love you too Isiah.”
The rest of the week she spent with Isiah was mostly on play dates with Sarah at the park. And every day, she and Destiny talked about how wonderful their children were. Rachel told Destiny about how she has to give Isiah away.
Destiny understood how hard that was for her and she asked if she could take in Isiah instead of Carol. That way, she could see Isiah anytime she wanted because Destiny only lived about ten minutes away from Rachel. That made Rachel ecstatic. But she knew she couldn’t. It would break Carol’s heart.
That day when Rachel went home she was a little upset that she couldn’t give Isiah to Destiny, but she knew she would pull through. When her mother called later that day, she asked how Isiah was doing. She told her how good he was being and how she was going to miss him. Her mother called Carol to try and convince her to let Rachel have another month, but Carol refused to have him after the end of the month.
Toward the end of the month, Rachel was doing everything in her power to find a way to keep Isiah. But no matter what she did, she couldn’t find a way that worked. She couldn’t find a job, she couldn’t take out a loan because she couldn’t pay it back, and she couldn’t go to school because she couldn’t hire a babysitter for Isiah.
About a week later, when she woke up and looked at the calender, she cried. November 1st. Carol was coming today. Isiah was crying in his crib. Rachel went over to him still crying and asked him what was wrong.
“I’m sad too Mommy. You’re crying and that makes me sad,” he said.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because, Honey, I’m not you’re Mommy anymore,” she said this forgetting that he wouldn’t understand, she tried to explain it in a way he would.
“So who is mommy now?”, Isiah asked. “It’s a nice lady named Carol. And she’s coming over today to get you so that you can live with her.”,said Rachel. “And she will love you very much. She will care for you and buy you nice things that I can’t buy you.”,said Rachel. “But I want you!”,said Isiah. “I know.”,said Rachel.
She heard a knock at the door. “It’s open.”,said Rachel, knowing it was Carol. But when the door opened, it wasn’t Carol at all. It was Rachel’s mother. She came in crying a little. “Mom, are you OK? I know you’re going to miss Isiah but...”,Rachel got interrupted. “Honey, Carol passed away.”,said her mother.
“What? That’s horrible.” ,Rachel found herself tearing but not crying. “She died in a car accident this morning.”,said Lily. “Coming here?”,asked Rachel. “No, going to the store.”,Lily cried. “I’m so sorry. I know how much this means to you, she was one of you’re best friends”,said Rachel. “I know”, said Lily.
When Lily left, Rachel sat at the kitchen table, a million thoughts going through her head. Who was going to take care of Isiah? What was going to happen to him? Where was he going to go? Thats when it hit her. That’s when she remembered.
She called Destiny. “I know this is a little sudden, but can I take you up on that offer?”,asked Rachel. “What off...oh! Well yes but why?”,asked Destiny. “Because Carol died today in a car accident.”,said Rachel. “Oh I’m so sorry!”,said Destiny. “No, it’s not your fault, she got in a car accident.”
“I know. But I’m sorry for you”
So Rachel spent the week packing up Isiah’s stuff and signing adoption papers. And taking him to the park and explaining to him where he was going. He seemed to like the idea of being Sarah’s brother. He liked Sarah a lot. And she was already like a sister to him. Which made her happy. She was so happy that Destiny was taking in Isiah.
The next Monday, Destiny came to take Isiah. Rachel was sad to see Isiah go, but she knew that she could see him everyday if she wanted. When Destiny took a hold of the beautiful baby boy, all she could do was smile. And Rachel smiled too. But she wasn’t happy because Isiah was gone. But she wasn’t sad because he was going with Destiny. She knew she was going to miss him, but she knew he was in good hands.
And now she was done remembering. Remembering what happened. She noticed herself crying. And that’s when she heard a knock at the door. “It’s open”,she said. That’s when she saw a man who looked familiar. But she didn’t know who he was. “Hello, Rachel”,the man said. “Or should I say, Mom.”,he said.
Could it really be Isiah? He looked like him. But he was a lot different. It was him! “Isiah!”, screamed Rachel as she went over and gave him a hug. “I haven’t seen you in about twenty years.”,she said. “I know. And I missed you and that’s why I tracked you down, was to see you.”,he said. “Let’s talk.”,he said.
They talked for about three hours until Isiah had to go home to his family. Because he had two children and a wife now. They said their goodbye’s and Isiah left. Then, Rachel sat back down in her rocking chair. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.