a letter of a disappearing friend...

January 20, 2010
By , Swampscott, MA
Dear friend that I will probably miss someday,
Have you ever looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person in your reflection. A stranger. You feel like your going to explode from all of the dirty little secrets that are bottled up inside you. I stay up sometimes past midnight just to hear you complain and tell me that you want your life to come to an end. You kick me out of my own spotlight as soon as a glimpse of light hits my fragile body. I wish you could see the damage that you have done to my strong personality. It weakens everyday, thinner and thinner about to snap. Just the way you treat me like I'm as pice of trash. Oh, and I really hate that you think that it is all right to talk about other friends and make they look bad in front of strangers. You probably wonder why I’m totally chill at school. It’s only because I have taught my mind and heart to leave the drama at home and just ignore you. You’re another person that I must deal with for probably eternity. I want a mute button to just shut you up. Maybe, a delete button would be a better choice. I never knew what would come of me if I were nice to you. Now, I do and I wish that we could drop this thing that people call friendship. I have three good friends and that is all I need. They are actually proud of my successes. They don’t care that I’m in the pool breaking my records but they know when I’m doing my best. Look a friend is supposed to be there through the tough times in life right? It may not be in the dictionary but it sure is in my definition of friendship. I want a friend I can trust to keep my secrets locked tight and be there cheering me on not telling me I can do better then that when I am trying my hardest! I liked you until you scared me and then wanted all I had. Oh, and I leave the table at lunch all the time just to protect you because if I stayed you would be long gone by now. You know I would never lie to you but you never take my advice. I may not be perfect, but your not even close and pretending that I don’t give a s*** about what you tell people about me is really getting on my last nerve. I’m in so much pain too. My shoulders feel like a bridge about to snap from all the pressure of stress passing by. I also hate that you straight up tell me that you think I am annoying. You realize this breakup is all your fault. I am also mentally disappointed in you. I told you I was being used by the guy I loved and all you had to say was, “ Ha, ha, ha! I told you so!” Wow, thanks for all your help. Who helped you when your ex dumped you? Who was it? Me, yeah I know you can’t return a favor. I also cannot handle how hard you try to get into boys pants. You don’t have to try that hard. The high voice, fluttering of eyelashes, and the leaning over just so they can get a glimpse of what you want them to come and get. I am just really sick and tired of you flaunting what you got. Some people say I’m jealous but that is the last thing that I am. I know you’re completive and want what you want when you want it but life is not fair. Friends are not supposed to be your competition they are supposed to be the one at the end of your lane telling you that you are the best person in the world. I tired to fly away last night but did not succeed I just ended up being thrown back right where I shouldn’t be, against you.





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