The Screams Of A Silent Girl Part 1

January 14, 2010
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Ten seconds. Ten seconds. Till he comes. I braced my self for the hit. In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. WhACK. I get slapped across the face. Making me fall on the floor. "Get in there and cook my breakfast right now." Yelled my dad Alan. He exits my tiny blue room. I have a single bed, a desk, and a closet filled with hande me downs. I walked towards thekitchen. There is only one word to decribe my kitchen . Ridicolus. Ragdey cabniets, insects and rats every where, and our refirgirator almost empty. I grabbed the eggs and bacon. I can sum my whole life up in forty seconds. MY name Belinda Montez i'm 15 years old. I live in an a torn down small two bedroom house.My "Parents" Are abusive and i've been RAPED. Yes, RAPED by my father. He was drunk. He nevered did it again. He took the only thing I had left my innocence. They only abuse me if they're drunk or just because they want to. I set the plate of food in front of them. THey said they were going to kill me when i turn eighteen, cause they won;t be able to get anymore welfare checks off of me. So, I have 1,095 days left to live. I can't runaway . No money. I can't kill them i want to go to heaven. I'm totally alone, I had a friend but she left a year ago. YOu think i would be sucidal, but NO. I have a list of things to do before that time comes.


1.Have my first kiss

2.get a boyfirend

3.tell my story



That's it. I grabbed my withered book bag and headed out the door.

i hate school. Every one calls me the poorgirl because of my clothes. I wear the same thing everyday really. A white t-shirt, Jeans, converses, and a withered old sweater. This year i grew mentally stronger. So, if anyone messes with me i'll knock them out. No talking. No questions asked. "WELCOME BACK LIONS!!" i read on the school's banner. "Name" barked the school's secretary. "Umm Belinda Montez. ."I replied. She quick;y hands me a scehdule. First period English. MY teacher Mr HAyes. Do iike him?No! WHy? He's arrogant and cocky. He wears tight white shirts, kakhi pants, and 50's styled shoes. He's forty years old and a virgin. "Alright my class won,t be easy." "Tihs is the hardest class you will take."

My other two classes were normal. Fourth period teacher Ms. Londell Is a mixture of Don King meets Rachel Ray. She's nice. "Okay class i want all of you to fill this paper out." "I Want to know all about you" She said handing the papers out.

"When your done turn them in." She added with a bright and friendly smile. She took a seat at her desk. I nevered smiled like that. I want to but I can't. I looked at the paper.



Your Name: Belinda Montez



Parents Name: Alan and Melanie Montez



Intrests: Blank



Phone number:2056905



Address: Mable Drive 305



Give me a brief synopiss about yourself: Blank


I got up and turn in my paper. I felt fifithteen paris of eyes staring ot me.

"This is it?" She asked dissapointed. "Yes, ma'm" I mummbeled. She sighed. Alright go have a seat. What does she wants me to say. Hi, I'm Belinda Montez. I'm fifthteen years old and my parents abuse me. The kids at school make fun of me and i'm toatally alone, and I was RAPED. Yeah no way. Fifth period is lunch I eat alone.





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This article has 20 comments. Post your own now!

RockerrChikk. said...
Nov. 26, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I Think That The Title Really Doesn't Go With The Story. And Try To Stay On Topic.
 
PurpleSpaceCows said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 10:19 am
Try using the "show dont tell" technique. show the things dont plainly tell. It makes things more intersting, but over all its moving and brings out deep emotions. try stretching it more :)
 
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Hmmm, interesting. First of all, one thing that kind of bugged me: its spelled "fifteen", not "fifthteen". You had a tense change from present to past when you say "I looked at the paper". It should be "I look at the paper." There were some grammar mistakes, but those can be fixed easily. Honestly, I didn't like how you gave away the fact that she was raped at the very beginning. Maybe save it? I don't know.

You have a good idea here, just , I don't know flesh it out and give it more e... (more »)

 
roxymutt said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 11:45 am
this is a pretty good story but i kinda wish you would put more emotion in it...there seems to be a rhythem but it doesnt vary AT ALL and sometiems you need more flow! i do like this idea  though...its quite interesting
 
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball said...
Jun. 9, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Interesting, I like it, I would like to see more explainations, but otherwise good start.  I hope theres a "next" or something soon, I want to read on!!
 
explain_love said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 1:56 pm

This seems to be the beginning of a very emotional and engaging story! I really enjoyed what you have so far. You've handled this tough topic very well. 

As some people have mentioned, your grammar could be improved, and also the sentences feel slightly choppy.

Maybe reconstruct the sentences so that the flow of this piece is smooth and easy to read without awkward stops. 

Other than that, very well done. Keep writing!!!

~Sarah

 

... (more »)
 
BklynGirl101 said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 1:34 pm

This is awesome ! keep writinq

although you can do many thing;s with your writing ;D

 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 2, 2010 at 7:13 am
It was very interesting, just work on your grammar.  There are some parts where it would be better if you had commas, or semicolins, or colins, but I liked it.
 
~EmilyC~ This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 12, 2010 at 8:01 pm
The storyline is great! (but I hope this is fictional) Just watch for grammatical errors and typos. (It helps if you type it on a word processor and then paste it onto Teen Ink.) This is overall a very nice piece. I hope that you will take a look at some of my work! :D
 
Courtney A. said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 8:00 pm
The storyline is good...the whole thing was ok. Not my favorite but not bad. Work on the spelling, correct punctuation, etc. and it'll improve a lot :)
 
BleedingRose replied...
May 12, 2010 at 10:58 am

I agree with Courtney.  It's a good story, but you need to work on your writing.  (i'm only trying to help.)  Not just grammar, but how you lay things out and progress into the story.  other then that, good job!

-Rose

 
liisangel said...
Apr. 26, 2010 at 2:12 pm
This is great I am excited for the second part. The only thing I could say is Really work on the punctuation, spelling, sentences, etc... it was a little difficult to read. I really liked it, it's emotional but really realistic. Good job! Keep writing!
 
justthtblondie said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Two words: Love it.
 
laughter222 said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 5:09 pm
This sounds like it's going to be a very interesting story if you post more!  I like you're style of writing a lot, but watch for typos =)
 
thoughtfulsoul said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I really like your style of writing. This was an interesting story. You have me hooked. Are you going to post more of it? If you do I look forward to reading them :)
 
UNSP0K3N_DR3AMS said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 2:09 pm
wow, this was really good. im glad it's not ur lyf tho
 
Angelkiss00 said...
Mar. 7, 2010 at 8:48 pm
this was amazing, you should totally right more!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
DHgirl said...
Mar. 7, 2010 at 5:39 pm
i love it. it madee me cry. plllllzzzzz tell me this isnt ur life! plz!!!!
 
loveydoveycool9 replied...
Mar. 7, 2010 at 7:02 pm
No it isn't it is completely fiction
 
DHgirl replied...
Mar. 9, 2010 at 9:56 pm
that realy sucks but i totally understand ive been thru some of that (not the raped part) but could you check out my stories??? Leave comments n rate!!! THANKS!!! :D
 
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