Insomnia is awful sometimes. I go to bed with such promise and potential, thinking this night will be different. My mind begins to wind down, so it seems. I imagine what grade I got on my test earlier. If tomorrow he will talk to me. Will my dad be mad I failed my geometry quiz? Should I take an Advil for my kidneys? Desperately I attempt to drag my mind away from my daily stresses and convince myself I am indeed beginning to feel drowsy. I know myself too well; I am a terrible liar. Sneaking a glance at the digital clock which I can barely read without my contacts, my heart skips a beat: it is already 2:45 in the morning. Shifting positions I debate whether or not to get up and take another Ambien. I choose against it; ever since Heath Ledger died, I have been deathly afraid of overdosing on sleeping pills. The night drags on with useless drabbles in my head. Finally my mind begins to numb and I drift off into a light slumber…only to wake up an hour and a half later for school. And so continues this endless cycle.
January 14, 2010