Forcing myself out of bed today will be a stretch; maybe I'll just take the day off. Rolling over to check my bed; I see that there's no longer a body lying beside me. The feather comforter feels like bricks upon my body, pinning me to my bed, but clearly he was stronger. The idea of allowing my mind to meet the harsh reality of this morning makes my stomach twist. The very thought if searching for my clothes on this floor he'll only remember as the place he found his jeans makes me queasy. Maybe it's the hangover setting in, or maybe it's disgust over calling him when I was so upset; now that he's gone, I can't think clearly. Now that he's left me, I don't know what to do.
That girl in the mirror will stare back at me, forcing me to look away. Her eyes will glaze over like frost on a winter morning, her hair going askew like the fraying strings of a rope; this girl is not me, I refuse to be her. I can’t bear the feel of my morning shower, the heat of the water attempting to scour me of my imperfections, burning away the truth of what I did last night. The abrasive scratch of the apricot body scrub, will rub raw the emotions that are already destroying me. The water will wash awat the tiny pieces of him that are still a part of me, taking my memories and allowing them to flow away from me and down the drain. Stepping away from the warm water will force me into the harshness of a reality that I’m not ready to face. He’s still gone.
Getting dressed is an adventure that I’m not ready to deal with yet. Finding clothes, brushing my teeth, styling my hair, putting on makeup, all of which are things I did last night; things I did in preparation of a night I wish I could forget, a night I would gladly take back. In the birght rays of the morning the flaws in a drunken decision are more easily discovered. This is a small campus; the likelihood of my running into him is very good. What would I do, how should I react?
Maybe I’ll just stay in bed today. I’ll fall back asleep; the haze of dreams makes this morning seem so much brighter.