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Things Unknown a Teens Journal

December 2, 2010
2:00 P.M
I do not know what I did to make him so mad; I tried to keep myself away from trouble today. I puked my lunch up before I got home so that when he made me do it for him he would not find any food and I would be able to eat the leftovers that he and my brother ate. Where is she when I need her help? Does she even care about me? Would she even stop him or would she help? Christmas is coming up and like every year I have been saving every dime and nickel that I can find and going to buy Charlie the best Christmas present that he could ever ask for.
6:00 P.M
I cannot believe that I can survive this daily I got it really bad tonight; he got me with the belt, and a spoon. I don’t know what I do to get this beating. He tells me that I have gone a little too far this time. I am just too scared to ask him what the beating is really for. I know that it has something to do with mom not coming back; I do not blame her though if I had the chance to leave I would be out of here in a heartbeat. I just wish that she would come back for me and Charlie and treat us like a normal mom would, and not leave us here with him.
December 3, 2010
2:00 A.M
I don’t know why but he kept coming back to get me, I swear one of these times he might actually kill me and if he does not he is going to push me to the point that I am going to kill myself. I just don’t understand this, one day he will be really nice to me and then the next hour he has his hands around my neck threatening me that if I do “that” again he is going to kill me, I don’t know what I did but I wish that I knew because I would send him to the point to where he wanted to kill me so much that he would actually do it.

The only thing about him doing this to me is that I hate it when he does it in front of Charlie he does not deserve this he should not have to witness this. I don’t ever want him to go through this, when I go I will write a note to someone to come and pick Charlie up. He needs to be able to have what I did not; he will have a future even if my life depends on it. I have started a savings account for him to go to college and go to a nice high school. I know that he will become something that I can be proud of.

5:00 P.M.
He did not come home today; I don’t know what to do is this God’s way of telling me that it is time to pack up my bags and go? What do I do? I wish that something would give me a sign….

7:00 P.M
He came home just as I was about to leave me and Charlie, we had our bags packed and we were going to go, where? I have no idea where we would have gone, but we would be free. He asked me where I thought I was going and I told him that we thought that he was not coming home so we were going to go to Grandma’s until he got home. I cannot believe that I came up with that brilliant answer in such a small amount of thinking time. It worked, and he just told Charlie to go back inside and that he wanted to talk to me alone. I just don’t understand why he changes his mind daily about me; he told me that he “loved” me and that he did “it” because he loved me and wanted to protect me, I know that none of it is true and that I should expect the daily beating tomorrow.



December 5, 2010
8:00A.M
I cannot believe that he has not done anything to me since Friday. I am excited yet very scared; when is he going to blow? What should I be looking for? Anyway I am just glad that it is over; for now at least. He has changed into a whole new person; like a person that wants to be my father. I am so confused. He tells me every day now that he loves me and that he will always be there for me. I don’t know when he will blow but I know that he will.

6:00 P.M
Okay so I was lurking around the house bored out of my mind, and I found this letter in a box that is in his room, and I know that I was not suppose to be in there but; I could not resist it. The letter was to me and Charlie! I read it over and over because I could not believe that it was from her and that she actually cared about us. I did not know that she had ever written. The letter read as follows:

Dear Cindy and Charlie,

I wanted you to know that I did not forget about you and that I am not gone, I will be back for you no matter what. Cindy I know what you are going through and that is exactly why I left. I tried to take you guys with me, but he would not let me. I think about you all of the time, and I wish that you were here. Please do not ever think that I have forgotten you. I love you both very much! I wanted you to know some very big news that I have to tell they two of you but I do not think that I will be able to tell you in person. There are actually two big things that you should know. One being that I am having another baby girl and that I am going to name her Cindy. Also this piece of news is not the greatest, however I know that I must tell you or your father will make up something later on down the road. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and they know for sure that I will make it through delivery but they don’t know how much longer after that I will make it.

Don’t worry about me I have saved some money for you in the bank called Dennis Dells go in there and tell them that you are Sharon Timms daughter and that you are there to collect what she has left for you. I have left an apartment and all the money that I have. I will write when the baby is born and every day after that too.

I love you and think about you all the time.
Love,
Your dearest Mom
Sharon
February 16, 2010

I read this several times not knowing what to think, is she still alive? Is she going to come and get us? I don’t know, but one thing that I am sure about is that I am going to find her with all the courage that I have built up I am going to use it to find her; after I try and find more letters, because this one did not come with and envelope. Yea he came home in a really good mood almost as good of one as me but he did not know what I know, I will be out of here soon me and Charlie both.
December 7, 2010

I don’t know what to do with myself, ever since that I have read that letter I am not myself anymore. I feel like a whole new person. Like I have changed since I have read that letter. I have this urge to go and find my mother. I know that she could not possibly be…. you know… dead. I cannot get that out of my head what if when I find her she is lying beneath the ground. I need to find more information on where she may be. Will she come find me? I don't know what to think at this point in time.





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