July 22, 2009
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The car was dirt. As dad shoved himself in, i sighed. Another car ride, another chance to die. With my head down, i got in. Here we go.
Where we were going, i never know. Never cared enough to ask. Dad always got real mad and drove. I guess it was his way of running from his problems...or driving.
Life wasnt my kind of thing, i guess you could say. My parents didnt want me around. My brother resented me. He was all i had to get through all the s*** we're delt. But, it got the best of him too fast. The rest of my family was non-existant. Dead or unknown. Thats how its always been.
As the car engine spit, dad tried to speed up. The only reason he ever dragged me along, was 2 reasons. Alchohol was his best friend, so he needed me to make sure the car got home in one piece. He was too lazy to buy insurance, i suppose. The other reason was, that he needed a punching bag. I still had a black eye and two cuts above my left eye brow from the last drive. I didnt care though. Not anymore. I found ways to escape the misery i face. More metaphorical escapes than literal. Music was my main. My passion was music, my addiction, my home...
We were on a country road, now. Dad was heading out of town. This was new. That sense of "new" scared me a little. Usually i could predict dad and his thoughts. But "new" was making all my predictions just hopes. False hopes. What next?
Im not one to have a favorite genre of music. I like it all, per say. But, older music intereges me most. Older music is the beginning. I dont mean like "row row row your boat, old. But, 1900's old. 20's and so on, really. Thats when music was made with passion right in the beat of it all. People made it because thats what they loved. Thats how they could express what and how they felt. It was real. It was their escape. My generation has lost that sense of love. Its made for a quick buck, and i would b-
"you know what?", dad asked me in a slurred, violent tone. I assumed the question was hitorical, as they always were. Answerering was a garunteed blow to the skull. "No way! No! I think....we arent going back. That w**** does nothing but nag and i work my a** off' day!. This...". Dad was rambling on, swaying forward occassionally, stepping on the gas. He was drunk and spilling his anger and sput onto the windshield....and me. I lost track of his words.
A smack surprised me. It was harder than normal. It kncoked my head off the passenger side window. Shocking that it didnt crack or shatter right there.
"you hear me boy?" he said. With my head down, i nodded slightly. Fixing my glasses that were now bent, i looked up. I saw the anger dripping from his lips. He furiated me. I looked at him with such hate, such despise. He didnt want me here, he didnt want me alive. I can say the feeling is mutual.
"you arent nothin'. you werent supposed to be born, neither. Just a mistake. We kept ya, hoping you might turn out good. A risk, id like to take back"
If i could even compare to my father in size or strength, I'd kill him. But, i was a skinny guy. Dark hair, blue eyes, tall. My dad was more of a lumber jack build. Oh, how i wish i could smack him right back.
As my anger brewed, i grabbed at my jeans. Faded blue and ripped. I tugged and tightened my grip, trying to avoid a fist for dad to see.
He kept nudging me, hitting me to mock my lack of reaction. Thats all he ever wanted; a reaction. To see the pain he causes me. I refuse to give him the satisfaction. Then, he concocted a mizture of mucus and beer- stained saliva and rolled down the window. He struggled to hock it out of his gullet.
I made a fist and slammed it hard on my thigh. In my pocket, i hit something hard. With a puzzled face, i reached in and took out the mystery. My mp3 was now in my hand. The meta glowing in the sunlight. My savior.
Still managing to spit out the window and drive, Dad was getting worse. I quickly unravled my headphones and stuck them in my ears. Dad turned to me. I turned my mp3 on and played the first song i could. "i cant give you anything but love" by the great Billie Holiday. An old 40's song. A trumpet and piano started off making noise, so sweet. It would make a senial man, not help but to dance.
Through my tiny headphones, the music leaked out and right into dad's ears. It furiated him to a degree that was more than irrational. His neck shot over to my direction. For a second, i thought of cowering down, quickly taking out the headphones and suffering a beating, at worst. But, thats how ive always done it, never sticking up for myself. Even, when i have all the right in the world. I never dared.
Dad screamed so loudly, but i didnt hear him. My music was all i heard. All that my ears allowed. I looked over and saw his face turn red as he pointed his fingers at me, yelling. A large smile that i could help, appeared on my face. I hadnt smiled in so long, i nearly forgot the feeling. As he got more frustrated and his voice grew louder, my smirk grew larger. Music was all i needed now, all i had. All my pain, anger, frustration and hate flushed away with every beat. Finally, i felt ok.
Dad had taken his eyes off the road without even noticing, trying to get my attention. Since he was drunk, not only did he not notice, but he didnt care. I closed my eyes and put my head back. I felt his fists against my jaw, one by one. Over and over. But i felt no pain. I knew he was hitting me as hard as his bare muscle would allow, but it didnt damage me. As he went to hit me again, his hands left the steering wheel. As he shifted his body, he stepped on the gas. In a flash, the car flew through the guard rail. I wasnt scared, but yet, i was ok with it. Flying through the air, off the side of a mountain, i knew it was over. For the first time, i felt dad's fear. And also for the first time, i didnt feel my own.
A few hundred feet, felt like a couple seconds. I didnt even know we could fall so fast. The car turned into a piece of scrap metal when the ride had ended. It was over. I was dead. But, to the worlds amazement, my mp3 lay only a foot away from the wreck. Undamaged, not a scratch on it. Billie Holiday still putting her emotions into music, into a way we all understand. Into an escape.

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This article has 18 comments. Post your own now!

alonebutstillsurviving said...
Nov. 20, 2014 at 10:36 am
this basically explains how music saves us...
MarieAntoinette2012 said...
Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:03 am
Music is definitely that amazing. I've used at as my voice for years. Without music, Life would be a mistake.
thegirlthatblinked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm
i dont know how but you managed to tell so many peoples life in this one story.PROPS! xD
HollerGirl26 said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 9:31 am
It's sad how much I love this while the story overall was extremely upsetting..but it was amazing!! <333
L.T.A said...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 8:55 pm
that was really really good. you should right more. couldyou read some of my stuff please.
reenay_95 said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 7:26 pm
That was a great story! However, I noticed a lot of grammar/punctuation errors. Clean it up and it will be great!
CrazyWriter said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Wow. That. Was. AMAZING!! great job. though the story line was kinda sad...but still Amazing!!
Sonata16 said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 10:00 am
This was wonderful:)
JessieBecker said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 6:41 am

this is soo good(:

I liked it a lot.

keep writing, you have a way with writing, it really dragged me in.

you think you can check out some of my writing?

*JustDance* said...
Nov. 9, 2009 at 2:06 pm
it was perfect, i loved how, when he listened to the music, nothing affected him anymore... -so true..
StarSister7 said...
Sept. 17, 2009 at 10:15 am
Wow, this is really good. i'm kind of sad at the ending, but i liked it.
LarryB said...
Sept. 13, 2009 at 10:43 am
There's merit in to be found in this story. Good job, keep it up!
Angelalala said...
Sept. 11, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Wow! I really loved that! it was very heart felt in a fresh way! =-]
dream2493 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2009 at 10:29 am
very amazing! awsome job i love it!!! i love how it shows how music is the escape, i listen to music whenever i want to escape from whatever, or write down song lyrics if im in school
Hope_Princess said...
Sept. 4, 2009 at 7:45 pm
That was so sad!!!! *stifles a sob*
I loved how music was his escape and absolutely love the ending.
Awesome job!
Mary E. said...
Sept. 4, 2009 at 12:07 pm
My god, this is great! so much emotion, its really like you're there experiencing the whole story, every hit, every fist, every emotion. I agree completely with Rachael, this is purely outstanding!
Angel*music*lover This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 6:05 pm
This is amazing. I could actually feel what was happening as if I were there instead of just watching it. Congrats!
Rachael2012 said...
Sept. 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Oh. My. God. I loved it! I could actually visualize what he was going through.. could see the car going off the mountain. Outstanding job!
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