What Matters More, 2

August 16, 2009
By Anonymous

Three A.M. and I am still lying awake staring helplessly into the ceiling. A knot formed in my heart as my stomach sunk and I began to feel sick. I had continued the conversation with Chris. Chris has always been a brother to me until I moved and lost contact with him for two years. When I finally got around to texting him, he did not see me as his little friend, but someone who he could take their virginity away from. I kept texting him because I did not want to believe that he was saying these things. I just wanted my brother back and thought if I carried on the conversation, it would end sometime. Oh how I was wrong.

I had just said sure, until Chris said he owned me until I was eighteen. He said I had to do whatever he said when he said it. The conversations we getting more and more controlling and I was left every time thinking how helpless I am. Last night, he had finally said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. He wanted me to go to an indoors game center today where he would then collect me. Nothing before then had been so real, before that, it seemed like a dream. In detail he told me what I had to do, what he wanted me to do even down to what I was to wear. I turned as white as a ghost when he said I better convince my parents to let me go or he would find some other way. I knew right then that he meant what he had said; he knows where I live, where I go to school and where I hang out in my free time. Trying to figure out what that entailed I simply asked like a child "oh and how's that?" Practically threatening me, he told me that he would drive up here, wait until I was walking home from school, and throw me in his car to have his way with me forcefully. A sixteen year old who was 6' at least could easily hurt me. He also has thrown me over his arm to lift me many times before. I am only 5Ƈ" and very defenseless.

Waking up out of a cold sweat at eight, I knew I had to talk to someone besides my friend Nina who already tried to help me out. While I was talking to her about having my first time with someone who really cared for me, one name kept popping into my head. A guy who I loved for five years. We had been known for liking each other through out the whole time but we never formally dated. He had been to jail but for a good reason though he still learned his lesson. He just turned seventeen over the summer but somehow he still remembered me. As soon as I finished walking around the nervously when I got his number and texted hey. I did not want to tell him something I was so ashamed of if he did not even remember me. Of course, he remembered me so after him asking what was wrong I told him the whole story.

While I was having this conversation with my True Love, I had stalled on the conversion with Chris by saying I was taking a bath to get ready. Aj told me the only way to get rid of him was to get a restraining order. This was out of the question because there was no way I could tell my parents, when a thought hit me: my parents! Aj and I just caught up on each other’s lives for three hours when Chris texted me asking when I would be going. I ignored the next two texts for another hour then I set my plan into motion.

I texed him trying to seem like a damsel in distress saying that while I was taking my bath my mom found my phone and read my messages. He even knew that if my parents really did read his messages I would be dead. He did not understand at first so he simply asked if I could go. I told him some more of the lie although lying is never right. I said that I was grounded and had my phone taken away and the only way I was texting him was cause my parents were at the store. He was angry but I just kept playing my role until I knew he had nothing else to say. I knew that a burden was lifted off me at that moment. I was free and felt great. To add to the newfound joy, Aj just sent me a picture of him and his toned body.

Aj knew I liked him for years. He also had a girlfriend he really liked so I was confused. I just said first thing that came to my mind and said “Oh wow! You look...Amazing.” He did they guy thing of saying “I’m glad you like”. I had no clued what to do; he sent me it out of nowhere. Of course, I liked, I liked a lot, but instead I just sent him a picture of me. He surprised me by saying I looked really good. I told him that he had one lucky girlfriend and he turned it around saying he was lucky. Why was he flirting with me if he liked her so much? He could tell I was sad about something so I just figured five years was long enough.

I told him that I loved him ever since the first night I saw him. That he was nice even as a high school student. When I opened a bottle of soda and it went all over the two of us he didn’t get mad and he didn’t complain about cleaning it up. He loved spending time with me and always protected me no matter how much his family embarrassed him. I also said no offence but he his really hot. That I had always had boyfriends who ended up using me but he would never do that and I wanted that. That I know that he has a girlfriend and as long as he is happy I am happy, but I just didn’t know and I was stupid for it. My heart melted like butter when he said that I am not stupid, he does not blame me. I told him I was selfish for saying that but yet again I was filled with joy when he said to trust him he the same way its okay.

Did this mean that he was saying he missed me all these years and wanted to officially date me? I do not know, however I do know what ever happens in our future it will be much better than the problem with Chris. Aj matters more.

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