April 29, 2009
By Tashan SILVER, Ponderay, Idaho
Tashan SILVER, Ponderay, Idaho
6 articles 4 photos 31 comments

Snowflakes drift down listlessly, covering the cobbled streets and shingled rooftops. Carriages hurry up and down the slick streets, carrying passengers as eager to be inside as the cabbies and horses themselves. As the snowflakes thicken and the wind begins to blow, the streets are slowly deserted. Empty except for a solitary figure. A thin, patched greatcoat is drawn closer to the thin body as the wind blows snowflakes into his face. Red chapped hands hold the coat closed over a threadbare shirt and trousers. Wandering through the streets as it grows colder and colder, the boy searches for shelter. His eyelids droop as the night progresses, his teeth chatter uncontrollably and his body trembles with cold. The pain that had gripped his small frame is now gone, nothing but an aching numbness remains. Dropping to the ground in a dead-end ally, the boy curls his body together, trying to stay warm. His once-red cheeks are now an icy blue, and he gasps for breath as the cold air freezes his lungs.
His eyes close slowly as his body relaxes. Clenched fingers uncurl and drop down by his side, resting in the snow. A harsh intake of breath, and then a long, slow exhale that brings a cloud of fog from his open mouth.
The snow continues to fall that night and the next, covering his still form.

The author's comments:
I know this is still a little rough, but I love it and view it as one of my favorite pieces because you feel it. You feel that driving wind and biting cold, the hopelesess. I love to read something that makes you feel.

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This article has 7 comments.

naturelover said...
on Jan. 29 2010 at 10:45 pm
naturelover, Kingsport, Tennessee
0 articles 7 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let my people go."

"If the Good Lord had've wanted us to be the same, then He would've put braces on all our legs"

--Sally Field as Forrest's mom on the movie "Forrest Gump"

Great piece! I've often been out in the cold (temporarally, not like trapped or anything) and it almost made me shiver.

jessi GOLD said...
on Nov. 12 2009 at 10:41 pm
jessi GOLD, Nunya, Florida
15 articles 4 photos 115 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty."

this was pretty good. while i was reading it all i could think was "little match girl". i think someone else said that, but anyway. pretty good! :)

Tashan SILVER said...
on Oct. 29 2009 at 11:01 am
Tashan SILVER, Ponderay, Idaho
6 articles 4 photos 31 comments
It's not supposed to be a poem. It was just something that came to me and I wrote it.

on Oct. 28 2009 at 10:23 pm
cassandra_2011 PLATINUM, North Pole, Alaska
28 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Give in to love, or live in fear."

You need to phrase your sentences right. Poems aren't supposed to be in paragraph form. Re do it and just separate sentences that are ended with a comma, or however you want it to flow. Re do it in good form and tell me when you do and I'll take a look and comment.

Tashan SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2009 at 7:55 pm
Tashan SILVER, Ponderay, Idaho
6 articles 4 photos 31 comments
Thanks again :D it is always great to get feedback. And actually, when I wrote this piece I thought the same about the comparison. (SP?) I wrote it over a year ago, though, and since then have been able to enroll in a school for writing so I hope I will continue to improve

on Jul. 23 2009 at 12:01 am
unearthlyhaphazard GOLD, N/A, New York
15 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."~W. Somerset Maugham

As I said in one of your other pieces, you give wonderful descriptions. I can really picture this all. You've got a real talent, and I hope you keep writing! By the way, this story reminds me a bit of "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Anderson.

on Jun. 2 2009 at 4:14 pm
Drown_Me_In_Blue DIAMOND, Brooklyn, New York
50 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
Labels? Okay, fine. I'm bisensual. Heteroflexible. And life-curious. That about covers it. ~Morgan Torva

You're a great writer, and I hope you keep on going with this kind of piece. The descriptions are great. P.S. Thanks for your comment on Purple Sands. Feedback's great!


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