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I forgive you
It came out as a skeptical whisper, that was only acknowledged in existence by the fact that the soft vapor cloud of her breath escaped her icy, blue, lips.
I wondered how such a blithe girl like Miranda who was normally very tenacious could belittle herself to begging me, the bullied and marred girl who was her enemy.
“Forgive me Anna,” again the paucity of volume in her voice summoned me to again look at her.
Her blond hair -- that was envied by almost everybody who went to our school -- hung in lank, wet, clumps surrounding her contrite and solemn, icy eyes.
“I have hurt you so much. Please! Forgive me,” her voice became more futile.
“I'm not sure I could ever forgive you,” I stated.
“I didn't want to hurt you, I swear I only wanted for him to love me.”
I laughed in dissent, and crazy and fallacious laugh.
Miranda started to cry, big round tears slowly dripped out of the corners of her eyes making her look even more pathetic.
“You killed my brother,” I said between my insane laughter.
“I didn't know he would protect you so much,” she choked out.
“That only sounds like an excuse Miranda,” I was whispering now.
“That's why I tried to end my life here! The place where it all started! I'm too useless! I couldn't even kill myself,” she was sobbing in the most helpless way now, making me almost feel pity towards her, almost.
I remembered that on a night quite like this one, only with more trepidation, Miranda put my life in jeopardy. She attempted to pull a cruel prank on me however, it went horribly wrong. I couldn't blame her for the storm, or the rip currents that day, but I could blame her for throwing me in the water that day knowing that I was a weak swimmer. I know she only did it so that she could make it look as if she tried save me and therefore, get in my brother's good graces. I'm so sure she would feel regret if I did die that day, of course I'm being sarcastic.
She loved my brother with such a vehemence that she wanted me out of the picture, but it was her fault he died. Her fault that I lost the last member in my family, and I could never forget it was her fault for doing that.
My brother was on the beach the day Miranda threw me in the water, and he heard my futile screams when the rip currents, pulled me further and further away from the beach. Miranda couldn't have foreseen that there would be rip currents that day, so I couldn't blame her for that, but it was her fault I was in the water that day. It was her fault that my brother had to swim out after me and pull me out of the current, losing his life in the process. I remembered that moment very clearly, him being so exhausted because he swam out to save me, he had no rigor left to keep his head above the water. His head went below the waves and that was the last time I ever saw him.
Miranda was never the same again, she could never condone herself for what she had done. She had even attempted suicide right before my eyes on countless occasions, but she never succeeded because I was always there to save her, not because I liked her or forgave her of course, but because I knew my brother would never have had forgave me if I had let her pass away.
“Anna, why is the world so cruel? How could this have happened to me? How could I have lost the person I loved so much?” She was sobbing so hard her words were almost incomprehensible, but I knew what she was asking.
“It was because of hate, Miranda. It was because you hated me with such rigor, because you couldn't stand for him to love me as much as he loved you,” I was calmer now, and I chose my words with care.
“Anna I'm dying, this time you couldn't save me, please Anna just once say you will forgive me.”
Her words rung with honesty, I knew she was dying as well, she was in the icy cold waters too long to be okay, and even if she didn't die today, she was already dead on the inside.
“Miranda, I forgave you a long time ago although, I still blame you for what happened, he wouldn't have wanted me to hate you. He would have told me that animosity leads to hurt,” I looked down at her as I spoke.
Tears were still pouring down her face, and her breath was becoming more and more shallow, but the still managed to whisper, “Anna I'm so sorry... sorry... so sorry.”
Miranda was right I wasn't able to save her that day, but I saved her from my animosity with my forgiveness, the way he would have wanted me too, and that is the best we could all do.