An Arbor Day Carol

When I woke up on some day in the middle of April that no one can remember, I knew it would be a great day. It was Arbor Day, my twelfth favorite holiday, right behind Bastille Day. I woke up and heard Friday by Rebecca Black on the radio. After throwing the radio against the wall; I was ready to start the day. I ate breakfast, went outside into the one hundred twenty-nine degree august day, sat at the stop for twelve minutes and eighteen seconds, then finally the bus came. I had just gotten in my seat when the bus broke down, then I walked two miles up hill both ways in the blazing hot sun, then I got to school. So naturally because it was Arbor Day I was so happy, but when I got to school there were only seven hundred twenty-eight trees. That’s nineteen to less. What am I goings do? And in the hall only fifty one percent of students were wearing Arbor Day shirts. That’s not even half the kids!!!





I walked up to my friend and started yelling at him so loudly I lost my voice because of it. Why is it that I’m the only one that loves Arbor Day with the intensity of one thousand suns?” Listen dude,” I said to him, “we need to get serious about Arbor Day. We should be celebrating it way more than we already are….” “Listen dude” “this is a stupid holiday than no one but you cares about it.” “Wooooooww. Why didn’t you tell me this? I am so mad right now I’m fuming!” “Man we talked about it. Come on were gonna be late for literature.”





I was ready for my nap in literature when Mr. Smith said “Happy Arbor Day class, let’s start reading A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.” I was paying attention until I got tired and Mr. Smith got all echoey. I was out cold. “Paaaatriiiiick. Paaaatriiiiick. PATRICK! WAKE UP YOU LAZY MORON!” “What do you want?” I need to tell you that you have detention after school today for falling asleep in Mr. smith’s class, were having tacos for lunch today, and you’re going to be haunted by three ghosts to get you to not like Arbor day that much.” WHAT DID YOU SAY?”” I said that you’re going to be haunted by three ghosts to get you to not like Arbor Day that much.” “I don’t care about that. WE’RE HAVING TACOS FOR LUNCH? YES! ILOVE TACOS! Ok I gotta go dude bye.



“OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH! PAAAATRIIIICK! WAAAAAAAKEEEE UUUUUP!” When I wake up I see this weird thing in a night gown looking down at me. So naturally what do I do? I get up and try to beat him with a lava lamp. What thirteen year old guy wouldn’t do that to a thing in a dress that shows up in his room in the middle of the night? So when I stopped beating him I asked what he wanted with me. “I’m a ghost what the heck are you doing? Weren’t you warned about this?” I try to remember when I was freaking out about the tacos. “Oh, yeah. So let’s get on with this shall we. You’re going to take me to my arbor days past right?” “Actually I was going to tell you a bunch of stuff about how much of a loser holiday Arbor Day is, but your idea works better so come on.”



I grab onto the robe of the ghost and I see a young boy sitting on a desk reading. Why, that’s me as boy and how did we travel to my old schoolhouse?” Wooooooww, why are talking like you’re in the 1800s? This is the twenty-first century bro. Talk normal.” “Ok pushy. Tell me why.” “SHHHHHH, just watch and listen.”



“Oh what a humbug this holiday is. Arbor Day. Pshhh Arbor Day doesn’t deserve to be a holiday. I think that all people that think Arbor Day is a real holiday should be buried with their trees they plant,” The little boy said. I see a small girl come into the room and start to cry a little. “Patrick, we are going to plant some trees in celebration of the holiday. Will you come join us?” “Absolutely not Kate, I believe that the holiday is a terrible one indeed and should be stripped of its holiday status.” “Well I believe that it should be embraced each year with love and compassion.” I look to the ghost. “Why did you bring me here spirit?” “We came here to show you that you used to dislike Arbor Day. Now, let’s visit another time.”



When we got to the other time period I saw me staring at Jessica Welch, the love of my life. She just didn’t know it. I did everything to impress her. The particular day happened to be the one hundred thirtieth anniversary of Arbor Day, and she loved the holiday. And because I wanted to impress her I said that I was the biggest celebrator of Arbor Day in history. When I had to prove it to her I realized it was a great holiday, and I’ve loved it ever since. “I must leave. I hope this tells you something Patrick.” “It did spirit. It showed me I could change my ways.” As soon as I said that I fell asleep.

“PATRICK MICHAEL BIRCHER!! WAKE UP!!!” “Let me guess. You’re the ghost of Arbor Day present aren’t you?” “Yep, now let’s go.” I grabbed his robe and was whirled away from my house and into my Brother Brion’s house. I saw his young cripple child named Alfonzo sitting by the fire. Why isn’t he out planting trees? Oh yeah I forgot that he was a cripple and can’t walk on his own. Then Brion comes in and asks tiny Alfonzo if he wants to go plant trees. “No thanks dad. Arbor Day is really a stupid holiday anyway.” I look at the ghost and he says “see even cripples hate the holiday why should you like it?” I really can’t answer that question. He grabs me by the collar and whooshes me away to my sister Kate’s house. Her daughter sally was making a toast. “To Uncle Patrick the only weirdo in the world that takes Arbor Day seriously. Amen. So Wheat should we do. Let’s play Charades. Guess who I am. I’m a tree I am a tree.” “It’s your uncle Patrick!” “Yes.”

I looked at the ghost but saw that he had changed into a weird skeleton looking dude. “AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MONSTER!!! GO AWAY YOU JERK! Oh wait you’re the ghost of Arbor Day future. Let’s go then.” We whooshed away to some place where there were no trees. I see an old man crying alone on the dead soil. I realize that’s it’s me crying. Why am I crying? I start to walk up to the old man when he says something.” Why is there no more Arbor Day? All my friends deserted me for the hatred of the glorious holiday.” I turn to look at the creature. He says nothing but I am whooshed back to my bed. I look at the word of the day calendar. It says pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis. It also says Friday. It’s still Arbor Day! Ill won’t freak out ever again, or as tiny Alfonzo says,” Its kind of a stupid holiday anyways.”





Happy Arbor …… Well Whatever, Nobody really cares about the Holiday!!!!





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