The Personal Blog of Dr. John H. Watson

September 29, 2011
My name is Watson, Doctor John Watson. Pretty phony I know, being a godd*mn doctor and all, but it just sort of happened. I was a student in London and I went on to become a surgeon for the Army. Just recently I’ve been in Afghanistan with all those phony soldiers, fighting the godd*mn terrorists. I got shot though. Don’t be impressed. It wasn’t heroic, I mean, I wasn’t trying to save someone else and got shot in the act. No, in fact someone was trying to save me, what an idiot. I’m not worth risking your neck for. Anyway, I’m back in phony old London town.
I’ve been seeing a therapist since returning from that stupid War on Terror. It’s not for my own amusement or anything, it’s for all that “you’ve experienced traumatic events and seeing someone will help” cr*p. Basically, they want to be sure I can still perform on patients without going mad. The therapist said me keeping a blog would help deal with the “traumatic experiences”. What a laugh. Anyway, I’ll give it a try.
I’m broke, I don’t have a job, and my government paid lease on this flat is almost over. I’m in a bit of a quandary (thought I might try to sound all sophisticated, it means I’m f***ed).
I was walking along the beaten track in Hyde Park today, I’m telling you, that place is full of phonies, but anyway, I came across an old mate of mine from school, Stamford. He greeted me all chummy and phony like and asked if I wanted to get a pint. I hardly remembered the bloke but I had nothing better to do so I agreed.
“So how have you been John? I heard you were in the army a while, I see you’ve injured your leg. Such a shame so many young men died fighting the terrorists, such a shame,” the phony said, shaking his fat head and taking a drink from his mug.

“Yes,” I said, just to humor him. But I didn’t feel like being funny anymore so I shut up.

Stamford nodded slowly, but after a moment of what I expect he thought was mourning he brightened and asked, “What have you been up to John? I mean since you’ve gotten back from the War? I’ve been…” and he went on to give me his godd*mn biography since St. Bartholomew’s Hospital, quite a waste of my day. But then, as he took breath, I interrupted quickly, to save myself the trouble of listening to anymore.

“Actually I’ve been looking for lodgings. Trying to solve the problem of whether it’s possible to find comfortable rooms at a decent price,” I said.

“Are you really? It’s funny, you’re the second person to say that to me today! The other was a man I know by the name of Holmes. He says he’s found some rooms but he now needs to find someone with which to share them, a roommate, you know. Wouldn’t be interested at all would you?”

“Well who’d want me as a roommate?” I asked gloomily stating the truth.

“Well I’m not sure anyone would want him as a roommate either. I think you should meet him. He’s often in the labs at St. Bart’s. Come on.”

He began leading the way to the d*mn hospital and, as reluctant as I was ever to set foot in that building again I shrugged and went along; I had nothing better to do with my day.

We came upon the same old crappy entrance that I remember passing through every day of my miserable youth but entered into a much more modern lab than I ever worked in. It was a well-lit room with high-tech-looking equipment lined on the counter-tops and countless bottles littering every empty surface.
“Very different from our day,” I said, just to make conversation.
A pale man stood at one end of the room, bent over a beaker with a pipette in his hand, completely absorbed in his work. But as he heard our footsteps he looked up and exclaimed with excitement. I felt myself groan unintentionally and Stamford laughed at me; he must have realized how much I disliked people now. I almost felt embarrassed until I realized I didn’t give a f*** what anyone ever thought of me anymore.

The student was rushing across the floor to us crying, “I’ve found it! I’ve found it! I have found a re-agent which is precipitated by hemoglobin, and by nothing else.” He looked as if he had found a godd*mn gold mine or something. Who cared about hemoglobin bogus?

“A friend of mine, Dr. John Watson,” Stamford told the man, clearly being an idiot and forgetting to tell me his name.

“How are you?” he asked, gripping my hand with surprising strength. I nodded politely, wishing I was anywhere but in this d*mn place being introduced to a maniacal student. “Afghanistan or Iraq?” he asked suddenly.

I blinked. “How the-? What?”

The Sherlock fellow had started walking back to his lab setup but turned over his shoulder and repeated himself, “Afghanistan or Iraq?”

“Afghanistan but how-?” I was too shocked to finish my question. I looked at Stamford, the fat idiot had such a grin on his face all I wanted to do was smack it off his face.
“Can I borrow your phone Stamford? I have to send a text,” he said out of the godd*mn blue.

“Sorry,” the fat b****rd said, “It’s in my coat pocket.”

“Take mine,” I said, keeping my eyes on the man. As strange as he seemed, he was interesting. I pulled out my second-hand phone and reached out my arm not leaning on my cane to give it to him.

“Thank you,” he said, quickly typing something and handing it back to me within a matter of seconds. “How do you feel about the violin?”

“Sorry, what?” I responded, completely confused as to how this introduction had gotten here and where the h*ll the conversation was going.

“I play the violin when I’m thinking,” he explained, focused on his chemicals once again, he continued, “sometimes I don’t speak for days on end. Would that bother you? Potential flat-mates should know the worst about each other, don’t you think?”

Stamford, the great b****rd, stood beside me chuckling his little arse off and I kept myself from glaring at him as I asked, “You told him about me?” Though I knew there was no way he could have since we had been together since he had suggested I meet the man, but how could that awkward student know I was in Afghanistan?

“I didn’t say a word,” Stamford promised.

“Well who said anything about flat mates?”

The student spoke, “I did. I told Mike this morning that I was a difficult man to find a flat mate for and he comes back this afternoon with an old friend clearly home from the war; it really wasn’t a difficult leap.”
I turned back to the student, who was eyeing me with a strange expression. I can’t say I was enjoying myself. “How did you know about Afghanistan?”

“I’ve found a nice little place in central London that we should be able to afford together, we can meet there tomorrow morning. Sorry, I’ve got to run, I left my riding crop in the mortuary,” he said, completely ignoring my question as he put on his coat and walked towards the door.
“Are you serious? Is that it?”
“Is that what?” he asked, frowning.
I shook my head, perplexed by his casualness. “We’ve just met and we’re gonna go look at a flat together?”
He looked over at Stamford and back at me, confused, “That’s a problem?”
“Well first of all we don’t know a thing about each other, I don’t know where we’re meeting, I don’t even know your name!”
The man smirked. “You’re an army doctor, aren’t you?” I glared at him, I couldn’t help myself. What the h*ll was he playing at? “I know you’ve been invalided home from Afghanistan; I know you’ve got a brother who’s worried about you but you won’t go to him for help either because you don’t approve of him or because he’s an alcoholic, probably though because he’s just walked out on his wife; I know your therapist believes your limp is psychosomatic and they’re quite right, I’m afraid,” he took a breath and smiled, “That’s enough to be going on with, don’t you think?”
“No, it’s not. How do you know all this?” What was this man’s problem? He was insane. That could be the only explanation.
“Lord, what it must be like in your funny, little brains. So boring I would imagine. I didn’t know, I saw. It was easy to figure it out. The way you hold yourself suggests military; you were obviously trained here at Bart’s since you commented on how different it was since you were last here; you’re hands and face are tan but there isn’t any tan above your wrists so you obviously weren’t vacationing; your limp is horrid when you’re walking but you don’t ask for a chair when you’re just standing still as if you’ve forgotten about it, so it’s at least partly psychosomatic but you were still wounded in action,” he said, indicating my leg, “So, military doctor recently home from fighting, tanned, wounded in action, only conclusion: Afghanistan or Iraq.”
“How do you know I have a therapist?”
“You have a psychosomatic limp, why wouldn’t you have a therapist? May I see your phone again?”
I tried to resist giving it to him but was simply too interested. I took it out of my pocket once more and handed it over.
“Your brother,” he started, “the phone is expensive, new with an MP3 player but you’re looking for a flat share so you wouldn’t waste money on such an expensive gadget, it’s a gift then. There are deep scratches where keys and coins have been near it repeatedly over time and being a military person you take care of your things so it’s obviously had a previous owner. It’s easy next, you can figure that our already.” He held the back up to me. Harry Watson, from Clara xxx
“The engraving,” I said, though still confused.
“Harry Watson, a relative who’s given you his old phone. Couldn’t be your father, this is a young man’s phone, could be a cousin but you’re a war hero so not likely you’ve got a very large extended family so it must be from your brother. Now Clara, who’s Clara?” he said, getting more and more excited as he went yet still as somber as if he was going to a godd*mn funeral, “Three kisses says there’s a romantic attachment, expensive phone says wife. She must have given it to him quite recently; this model is less than a year old. Their marriage must be in trouble then, such a new phone and he’s just giving it away? He left her. If she had left him he would have kept it, people do for sentimental reasons, and I don’t quite understand it. But no, he didn’t want it anymore, he left her. He gave it to you saying that he wants you to stay in touch. You’re looking for cheap living yet you’re not going to your brother for help means you’ve got problems with him; maybe you liked his wife or maybe you don’t like his alcoholism.”
“How could you ever know about the drinking?” I asked, completely disturbed by the b****rd’s skill.
He grinned, “The power connection. There are tiny scuff marks all around it. Every night when he goes to plug it in his hands are shaking. You never see a somber mans phone with the marks and never a drunks without them.”
There was a long pause. “Fantastic!” I muttered, not being able to restrain myself. I was actually impressed. Though I tried not to seem impressed or amiable to anyone, let alone a complete, obviously disturbed stranger, it was…impressive is all I can think of calling it.

The man frowned, “Really?”

“Of course, I have never seen anything like that. It was incredible.”

“Hmm,” he said thoughtfully, “People normally just tell me to p*ss off.”

I laughed. I laughed for the first time in a year. I thoroughly laughed and felt my spirits lift, as cheesy as that sounds.

“Sorry, I really do have to run,” he said, frowning again.

“Right, okay, sorry,” I said, my opinion of this man was steadily increasing.

He walked out the door and I sighed but before I could turn to Stamford and voice my opinion of the man the door opened and the man was leaning over the side. “The name is Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street. Afternoon!” he said with a wink. Next moment he was gone. A smile grew on my face and I was beginning to feel a slight sense of optimism again.

Join the Discussion

This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

Artistic_Geek_Roo_10This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 8 at 8:12 pm
This was awesome! I'm not sure Watson would swear that much though.
TARDISinTokyo said...
May 6, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Yes, I have been watching Torchwood. I'm somewhere in the middle of the second season. It's lots of fun. Jack is awesome! i won't tell you anything else, though, cos I don't know how much you've seen. I've also been making progress on the sixth season of Doctor Who. I just watched "The Doctor's Wife!" It was really cool. I loved the TARDIS before, and she was pretty cool in that episode. I am really creeped out by the Silence, though from the earlier episodes... I like Matt Smith, but not in ... (more »)

drwholock101 replied...
Feb. 19, 2014 at 3:09 pm
I disagree. I love Matt in a beard. BTW about the story, to much cursing for my taste but was still pretty good!
TARDISinTokyo said...
Apr. 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm
This made me laugh. I love it! I would never have thought of putting Holden together with John, but you did to great effect!
ridukuluslySHERlocked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 22, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Thanks so much! It was an assignment for my English class last year and I'm completely obsessed with Sherlock soooooo it seemed a no-brainer ;D
TARDISinTokyo replied...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm
Holden's voice is so unique, this must have been fun to write.Wow! I wish my English class had done something like that for Catcher in the Rye. We just got to write a standard essay about his psychological traits... sigh...
ridukuluslySHERlocked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 7:34 pm
It was a lot of fun! I love the book and Holden and we had to write SOMETHING in the style of him so it was super fun to try and write something in the style of him AND John Watson! Haha, that was the only really fun thing we did in English, all the other assignments for our other readings were just essays :/
TARDISinTokyo replied...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Cool! One of my favorite parts of that book is when Holden feels like getting old Stradlater in a half nelson... so he does it. That part also always makes me think f the Doctor Who episode The Doctor Dances wherein Rose tells the Doctor "try it again, but this time don't get my arm up my back. You don't get points for a half nelson!" My brain works in odd ways. :)

Also, have you seen the new season of Sherlock. I have not; I am waiting impaitently for the DVD to come out. 

ridukuluslySHERlocked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Hahahaaaaaaa! Oh my gosh! Shut up! Is it weird that I thought the EXACT same thing?!?! Woah. That's almost scary, I didn't think anyone else would think of that, hahaha.

Yes I have! Hahaha, I found it online ;) IT'S AMAZING. You will NOT be disappointed. Lots of tears were shed.

TARDISinTokyo replied...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 4:51 pm

That's awesome! I did not expect anyone else to think of that besides me! The Empty Child/the Doctor Dances is probably my favorite Doctor Who story, though I like just about all of them. What about you? 

I'm glad you liked Sherlock. I'm so excited! Another random thought: since Sherlock allready has human eyes in his microwave and a severed head in his fridge, the logical next step is a hand in a jar. :)

ridukuluslySHERlocked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:47 pm
The Empty Child was my first DW episode ever!!! :D so I OBVIOUSLY love that one, but I really LOVE Vincent and the Doctor. I can't decide which of the Doctor's is my favourite though! I lvoe Eccleston cause he was my first and he's AMAZING, but I love Tennant cause he's sooooo attractive and just great and funny, but Smith is so goofy and adorable! I didn't like Smith at first but after watching some of the episodes again I really liked him. Haha, that's not what you asked but yeah ;)

more »)
TARDISinTokyo replied...
Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:17 am

That's pretty much the way I feel about those Doctors, too! Christopher Eccleston was my first, and he's awesome, and I like his more no-nonsense manner. But I love David Tennant, and he's hilarious and adorable. i haven't seen season 6 yet (I know I'm behind, I've only been watching for about a year!) but my first impression of Matt Smith was "He's so incompetent and yet overconfident and that's really annoying! and he lost all his human skills during regeneration!" Now I think he's pretty c... (more »)

ridukuluslySHERlocked This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Sorry this is so late! But yesssss, I love Eccleston and Tennant is amazing and Smith is great too! Just watch the episodes over and you'll like him more, he's just so cute! I've seen some Tom Baker but no other ones really. I really want to see the 8th doctor (I think he only has a movie) so I think I'll do that next weekend :) But it's so cool to learn about him!!!

Oh gosh, well I absolutely ADORE Rose, but Donna is hilarious (I love Catherine Tate) and I agree, Jack is wonderful. Ha... (more »)

TARDISinTokyo replied...
May 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Hi! Lots to say, let's see...

Yes, I have seen some Torchwood. I'm somewhere in the midst of the second season. It's a lot of fun, and Jack is awesome. :) I don't know what you've seen so I won't say any more and give spoilers...

I have actually not yet seen the movie with the eight Doctor, not quite sure why. I'll get there, though. If you've watched it, or are going to, have fun! 

I have watched more Doctor who, up to "The Doctor's Wife." It's so good! I've always ... (more »)

TARDISinTokyo replied...
May 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Sorry. I just realized that I had posted a comment earlier that I thought had not been posted but actually just ended up at the top of the page. So, sorry for repeating stuff. :)
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