Okay, so you’re probably expecting a goddamn phony story about some little girl who goes on a crumby trip through the forest and ends up with a dead grandmother. Here’s what I think about this whole lousy story, it’s just a b****** of a tale, that’s all, it really is. So basically this little girl named little red riding hood decided to take a goddamn picnic to her lousy old grandma. Of course, old Red decided to get herself lost in that goddamn forest that she had to go through just to get to her crumby grandma’s house. Old Red probably had just had a bad day or something’ and wanted to cheer herself up an’ all, that’s why she was going to her grandma’s. She didn’t deserve for this wolf to come up to her an’ all when she got lost in that forest. He told her to go in wrong direction for crissake so he had time to stuff his crumby old wolf face with her grandma’s flesh. That’s just the reason you should never talk to anyone. It’s not worth it ‘cus they’re just out to get you. This one time I went up to some nice looking’ woman in the train station, and I started striking up a friendly conversation. I was pretty lonely, I really was. She goddamnn hit me with her purse for crissake! All I did was I asked her to come shoot the old bull with me, have a couple of drinks is all. That’s why you should never talk to people, you really shouldn’t. You’ll see how it’ll work out for old Red. Anyway, old Red, being innocent and all -she was no phony- took the lousy hot-shot of a wolf’s advice, and by the time she actually got to her grandma’s house, the wolf had time to devour her and dress up in her clothes an’ all. The wolf even went as far as jumping into the goddamnn old lady’s bed with all her clothes on, after he had just eaten her an’ all. This sure is a phony story, it really is I’ll tell ya.
Little Red Riding Hood Through Holden's Eyes
May 25, 2011