Forever and a Day

July 18, 2010
Waiting. My heart stiff in my chest, waiting for it to be over at last. Prey before me. All around me, actually. Unable to feed, I shifted in the seat. I couldn't feed yet. Not here. My mind wandered. My life was so pointless. My family; they are the ones I lived for. Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, and Esme. Even Rosalie, I suppose. We were all in this together. We still are, but... Well, they all had their 'other halves'. I didn't have anyone like that, and I felt as if it would stay that way. Forever and a day, as they say. But, then my mind flicked back to where I was. Another day in high school. Again, high school, this time in dreary little Forks. Forks, Washington, that is, a place that would grow on me very much.


My eyes black, I stared at the teacher, knowing that I could answer any questions he asked without another thought. I looked out the window, waiting. It seemed that I had to do that a lot. Wait, that is. It was all I could do. With nothing else to do, I let my mind wander a while longer, watching the sparrows flitting above the tree line. My eyes flitted back to the teacher, checking that I hadn't been asked anything. I felt the flow of his mind's thoughts into my own mind, and I knew he wouldn't ask me anything. He knew the bored expression I wore all too well. I knew this all already. And then, far too late, class was over.


I walked quickly to the car where Emmett already waited for me, along with Rosalie. They never were apart. I smiled for a moment, and slid into the back seat, against the window. I let my head rest against the glass, watching the darkness swirl in my irises. Emmett smiled at me and I smirked back. "We're going hunting Friday. After school," came Emmett's quick whisper to me. He knew what I was feeling lately. So much hunger...


I nodded, opening the door for Alice and Jasper, pushing all the thoughts around me from my mind. I didn't want to hear any of it today. Alice sat beside me, Jasper with her. Why we all rode together that day, I still don't remember. But I do remember why that day was important... That was the first day I ever heard of Bella Swan. Sure, I didn't care until I had seen her, smelled her, spoken to her, but... It will be remembered. When we pulled into the drive of the house, I jumped out of the car, pushing my hair back to make sure it stayed out of my eyes.


As I entered the house, I felt Esme's prescence, as she sat in Carlisle's study. I felt her thoughts as she studied the books, touching their spines and absorbing the titles. I shook my head frustratedly and went to my room, skipping the stairs three at a time.


I touched the walls of cds, playing them for hours until Carlisle returned from the hospital. I hadn't felt like leaving at all that evening. And then, when I heard his thoughts, about a new girl coming to the town, I shrugged it off, not knowing. It was the first I heard of the girl that I love today.






~*~


Is this story going too fast for you, Renesmee, dear? We're going forward a few days now. Pay attention, honey. This is the story of your mother and I's first meeting... Okay, dearest, I'll continue.






~*~


So it was Friday. My eyes were as black as ever, and I barely pushed myself through the school day. It was all I could do to keep myself from all the human blood surrounding me. But I kept myself from it, knowing that I would get my fill of blood that night, all through the weekend. As the day drew to a close, Carlisle and Esme picked me up. I rode with them, and the others drove together. Wherever I went I felt a third wheel in those times. Carlisle and Esme had each other, as did Rosalie and Emmett, and Jasper and Alice. I had a hard time keeping their thoughts out, but I didn't want to hear them, not at all.






~*~


When we made it to the deep forest, I pushed out of the open top of the car. I jumped lightly into a tree and nodded to Carlisle. I went on deeper and deeper, stalking a big brown bear. I followed and he didn't know for the longest time. The only way he found out was when I seemed to fall upon him and bite his throat. But by that time, he was dead. I had a feast on the blood and that of several stags. I went back that night and lay uneasily in a tree in the dark.











~*~


I guess you could call it a fear of being alone for all time. I didn't want to be an extra all my life, or what we had to call a life. I didn't have the heart to turn an innocent human, make them a twisted monster like me, and I wouldn't do that just for company. I wouldn't, and I couldn't. And now we go forward a few more days, my child. Be calm, we are coming to when I saw your mother first. You will know, small one, when we reach that point. Hush now, listen dearest.






~*~


At school in the week, she came. It was a Tuesday. She walked into the Biology room, and I froze, my eyes wavering over her. Her skin was pink, very pink, and her long hair waved slightly down her back. Her eyes were cautious and I didn't understand her. I tried to pull thought from her, see her thoughts, name, things about her, but... I couldn't. She mystified me, and I resolved in that moment to learn what I could about her. Her eyes touched me and her scent washed over me. I was immobilized. I didn't have the kind of self-control I would need to be next to her, and next to me was the only empty seat in our class. I made myself gaze out of the window and I screwed up my eyes, holding my breath as much as I could and still seem human. I knew that I couldn't stay alone for forever, not if there was someone like her in the world. I wanted to know about her, but I wanted her to remain a mystery. I wanted to breathe her in, I wanted to stare at her. And I think that, in that moment, Renesmee, I loved her. I wanted to be with her, and not be alone, for forever and a day.





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DancerBabe said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 5:53 pm
Thats cute how you tell it like Edwards talking to his daughter! I like it!
 
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