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Forever and a Day
Waiting. My heart stiff in my chest, waiting for it to be over at last. Prey before me. All around me, actually. Unable to feed, I shifted in the seat. I couldn't feed yet. Not here. My mind wandered. My life was so pointless. My family; they are the ones I lived for. Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, and Esme. Even Rosalie, I suppose. We were all in this together. We still are, but... Well, they all had their 'other halves'. I didn't have anyone like that, and I felt as if it would stay that way. Forever and a day, as they say. But, then my mind flicked back to where I was. Another day in high school. Again, high school, this time in dreary little Forks. Forks, Washington, that is, a place that would grow on me very much.
My eyes black, I stared at the teacher, knowing that I could answer any questions he asked without another thought. I looked out the window, waiting. It seemed that I had to do that a lot. Wait, that is. It was all I could do. With nothing else to do, I let my mind wander a while longer, watching the sparrows flitting above the tree line. My eyes flitted back to the teacher, checking that I hadn't been asked anything. I felt the flow of his mind's thoughts into my own mind, and I knew he wouldn't ask me anything. He knew the bored expression I wore all too well. I knew this all already. And then, far too late, class was over.
I walked quickly to the car where Emmett already waited for me, along with Rosalie. They never were apart. I smiled for a moment, and slid into the back seat, against the window. I let my head rest against the glass, watching the darkness swirl in my irises. Emmett smiled at me and I smirked back. "We're going hunting Friday. After school," came Emmett's quick whisper to me. He knew what I was feeling lately. So much hunger...
I nodded, opening the door for Alice and Jasper, pushing all the thoughts around me from my mind. I didn't want to hear any of it today. Alice sat beside me, Jasper with her. Why we all rode together that day, I still don't remember. But I do remember why that day was important... That was the first day I ever heard of Bella Swan. Sure, I didn't care until I had seen her, smelled her, spoken to her, but... It will be remembered. When we pulled into the drive of the house, I jumped out of the car, pushing my hair back to make sure it stayed out of my eyes.
As I entered the house, I felt Esme's prescence, as she sat in Carlisle's study. I felt her thoughts as she studied the books, touching their spines and absorbing the titles. I shook my head frustratedly and went to my room, skipping the stairs three at a time.
I touched the walls of cds, playing them for hours until Carlisle returned from the hospital. I hadn't felt like leaving at all that evening. And then, when I heard his thoughts, about a new girl coming to the town, I shrugged it off, not knowing. It was the first I heard of the girl that I love today.
Is this story going too fast for you, Renesmee, dear? We're going forward a few days now. Pay attention, honey. This is the story of your mother and I's first meeting... Okay, dearest, I'll continue.
So it was Friday. My eyes were as black as ever, and I barely pushed myself through the school day. It was all I could do to keep myself from all the human blood surrounding me. But I kept myself from it, knowing that I would get my fill of blood that night, all through the weekend. As the day drew to a close, Carlisle and Esme picked me up. I rode with them, and the others drove together. Wherever I went I felt a third wheel in those times. Carlisle and Esme had each other, as did Rosalie and Emmett, and Jasper and Alice. I had a hard time keeping their thoughts out, but I didn't want to hear them, not at all.
When we made it to the deep forest, I pushed out of the open top of the car. I jumped lightly into a tree and nodded to Carlisle. I went on deeper and deeper, stalking a big brown bear. I followed and he didn't know for the longest time. The only way he found out was when I seemed to fall upon him and bite his throat. But by that time, he was dead. I had a feast on the blood and that of several stags. I went back that night and lay uneasily in a tree in the dark.
I guess you could call it a fear of being alone for all time. I didn't want to be an extra all my life, or what we had to call a life. I didn't have the heart to turn an innocent human, make them a twisted monster like me, and I wouldn't do that just for company. I wouldn't, and I couldn't. And now we go forward a few more days, my child. Be calm, we are coming to when I saw your mother first. You will know, small one, when we reach that point. Hush now, listen dearest.
At school in the week, she came. It was a Tuesday. She walked into the Biology room, and I froze, my eyes wavering over her. Her skin was pink, very pink, and her long hair waved slightly down her back. Her eyes were cautious and I didn't understand her. I tried to pull thought from her, see her thoughts, name, things about her, but... I couldn't. She mystified me, and I resolved in that moment to learn what I could about her. Her eyes touched me and her scent washed over me. I was immobilized. I didn't have the kind of self-control I would need to be next to her, and next to me was the only empty seat in our class. I made myself gaze out of the window and I screwed up my eyes, holding my breath as much as I could and still seem human. I knew that I couldn't stay alone for forever, not if there was someone like her in the world. I wanted to know about her, but I wanted her to remain a mystery. I wanted to breathe her in, I wanted to stare at her. And I think that, in that moment, Renesmee, I loved her. I wanted to be with her, and not be alone, for forever and a day.