Hercules meets Old Spice meets Hell's Kitchen meets Staples meets Pirates of the Carribean

June 17, 2010
Meg walked down the beach, her purple dress flowing behind her in the breeze. No one ever came to this part of Greece, so she had it all to herself.
After a while, she heard a crunching sound, like sand beneath feet. She turned around, only to find that it wasn't feet making the sound, but hooves. Her eyes traveled up from the ground, taking in the horse's white legs, white body, and white head. On the horse, there was a muscular, dark- skinned man.
Jeez, this man is hopelessly confused, Meg thought. She flipped her dark, curly tresses, and sauntered over to the man.
“So, do you have a name along with those rippling pectorals?” Meg asked suggestively.
“Did you know I’m riding this horse backwards?!” the man replied with a deep, seductive voice.
This guy’s really lost his marbles, Meg thought.
“Yes, I happened to notice that. May I ask why you are riding this horse backwards?”
Before he could answer, the ground split between Meg and the man on his horse. Being the cool, calm, and collected girl she was, Meg put on a bored expression. She knew what was going to happen next.
“Meg! How you doing, huh? Hey, who’s this guy? Woah, woah, woah, what’s this guy’s problem?” said the man who popped out of the ground. He was blue skin, with sharp teeth and other unattractive features. He was clothed in a black robe and, most unusually of all, had blue flames for hair. Meg, however, was used to that.
She blocked out Hades rant about what a nutjob this muscle-y dude was, examining her nails. She mentally rolled her eyes. Hades was a real piece of work.
“Well, whatever. Hey, Meg, sweetcheecks. I need your help. I’ve been doing come cooking in my kitchen, but-.” Hades was interrupted by the man on the horse, who burst out into hysterical fits of laugher. Only then did I realize he was holding a bottle of body wash.
“What? What’s so funny? Did I miss something? Is my hair out?” Hades asked.
The man couldn’t answer, he just simply pointed behind Hades. When we both looked, it was none other than Gordon Ramsay standing there. Meg face- palmed.
“Hell’s Kitchen,” she muttered to Hades. He, also, performed a face- palm.
“Ah, whatever. I’m done with this. Are you done with this? Come on Meg, let’s go.” Hades had a way of droning on when he talked. He snapped his fingers, and they were gone.

They appeared, moments later, in what looked like a store. Meg spotted a sign that said “Staples”.
Hades said, “Whoops. Wrong place. We’d better get outta here before-.”
But it was too late. He was cut off by someone loudly exclaiming, “WOW! THAT’S A LOW PRICE!”
“Oh, dear.”

“Did someone say something about a low price?” Another man strode over to the proclaimer of low prices, and he then, also, exclaimed, “WOW! THAT IS A LOW PRICE!”

Just then, Meg spotted someone. He was dressed in a puffy white shirt and a brown vest. His boots clicked across the floor as he walked flamboyantly to a wall of assorted scissors. His brown dreadlocks framed his dirty face as he looked intently at the wall with brown eyes that she recognized in an instant. His beat- up pirate hat completed his look.

“Oh, my gosh Hades. Hide me!” Meg exclaimed, jumping behind Hades.

“What? What is it?” Hades asked, looking around. Even in that worrisome moment, she couldn’t help but think why people weren’t staring at Hades’ flaming blue hair.

“Over there- don’t look! It’s my ex- boyfriend. The one I sold my soul to you for!” Meg whispered. “Snap your fingers! Now! Snap them!”

To Meg’s horror, Hades simply strode over to Meg’s ex- boyfriend, Jack.

“Noooooo!!” Meg screamed, and ran toward them.

Meg woke up in a cold sweat, upright in bed. She looked to her left, relieved to see the sheet moving up and down due to Hercules’ breathing. She sighed, and put her head in her hands and massaged her temples.

“What’s wrong, hun?” Meg saw the person next to her spring up from the bed, only to find that it was, once again, none other than Gordon Ramsay.

Meg screamed again.

Join the Discussion

This article has 10 comments. Post your own now!

xcrayolaxstormx said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 7:04 pm
A-Thank-Ya! You rock for commenting!
IamtheStargirl said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Bahahaahahahahaahaha!!!!!!!!!!! It's so very utterly random! You rock!
Esther V. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 8:12 pm

i love disney and i love this! so cute!

very fan-fiction-y.

xcrayolaxstormx replied...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 10:43 am

Thanks, glad you liked it :)

I'm awaiting approval on another Fan Fiction about the Lion King, 'cuz I lpve those movies. :)

Esther V. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm

oooh let me know when it comes out; if its disney = its good!

the approval time is really weird lately... my first piece got approved in less than a day but everything else i've submitted so far has taken 3 days and still not approved :(

xcrayolaxstormx replied...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Yeah, me too. Normally it takes a while, but this one's taken a VERY long time. But, hopefully it'll be soon.
L.T.A said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 12:20 pm
that was hilarius(i kow i spelled that wrong)
xcrayolaxstormx replied...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Thanks for the feedback :)
nutmeg212 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:26 am
meg, i love you. this almost made me pee my pants. you have some SERIOUS issues.  but i love ya.  great job. *i'm on a horse* :D
xcrayolaxstormx replied...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:00 pm
I love you too! :D Haha. And I'm glad. I don't know why, but i had this bubble of hysteria come up my throat when I heard you almost peed yourself. ♥ *I'm on a horse* Hyah!
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