Without Wings Chapter 1 -- A Maximum Ride Story

April 11, 2010
By JacobC GOLD, Belgium, Wisconsin
JacobC GOLD, Belgium, Wisconsin
10 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Am I indecisive? Well, yes and no." -Anonymous


Twigs whipped across my face, but I didn’t care. I was running, away from the white-coats. They had captured me. The flock was safe; or so I hoped.

“There she is,” I heard someone shout. I wished that I could have flown out of there, but they had done something to my wings. I couldn’t feel them anymore. They probably numbed them so I couldn’t escape. But I did anyway. Sucks for them.

“Max, stop!” I shivered as I heard Jeb call for me. He had betrayed us, again. He had said that he needed help, but when we came he had an ambush set up. I was able to hold them off long enough for the flock to get out. The flock was waiting for me, back at Lake Mead.

I kept running until I came up to a wall. It was climbable, but it had guard towers every fifty yards. It would be pretty tricky to not get seen. I started climbing, and I reached the top in a minute. There was barbed wire on the top. I jump off the wall, trying to unfurl my wings.

It didn’t work. I slammed into the ground, spraining, maybe even breaking, my ankle. I tried to get my wings out again, but I couldn’t. I reached my hand back, trying to feel my wings. What I didn’t feel was what terrified me. My wings were gone.



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This article has 15 comments.


on Feb. 6 2012 at 9:39 am
Coolguy42 BRONZE, Waukesha, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
This is a very good piece. It could be a bit longer but it really grabs my attention. If you continue to write more chapters, maybe make them a bit longer. Otherwise great job.

on Jan. 25 2012 at 7:21 pm
arctic121 BRONZE, Johnstown, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
oh my can you put the 3rd chap

on Nov. 23 2011 at 5:05 pm
brainiac SILVER, Grove City, Ohio
8 articles 1 photo 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.

OMG!?! How'd Max lose those beautiful wings? She'd never be the same.

on Oct. 19 2011 at 12:49 pm
NiklausMikaelson1864 SILVER, Southwest Harbor, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Please note that I am saying this as I twirl my metaphorical mustache." ~Talon McCallister

Yeah, I agree. Other than that, great job and keep writing!

on Jul. 1 2011 at 3:17 pm
TheNovaClytie PLATINUM, Woodhaven, Michigan
30 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I could run away from my problems, I'd probably get lost, and then new problems would find me.
~Shelby Seeley

oh no! a max without wings isn't max at all!

what i want to know, tho, is what Fang is gunna do to help her feel better about it ;) they're my favorite!


on Mar. 13 2011 at 3:35 pm
Fangstorm_The_Vampire GOLD, Tehachapi, California
15 articles 1 photo 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's a bird!
It's a midget!
NO. it's...... EDWARD ELRIC.

Listen, dramaqueen.

ANGEL (the seventh book, after Fang) IS SO #$%^&* SCREWED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!


on Aug. 27 2010 at 8:39 pm
AeroRyuu SILVER, Lake Mary, Florida
5 articles 6 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's alright in the end. If everything's not alright, then it's not the end."

This was very well written. You definately got the James Patterson/Max tone down very well. The only thing that I would say is you should try to make your chapters longer (if you haven't done so already). Other than that, great work.

on Jul. 14 2010 at 10:13 am
WickedStarcatcher DIAMOND, Massapequa, New York
67 articles 1 photo 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't damsel well. Distress, I can do. Damseling? Not so much."
— James Patterson
"This is the very first page, not where the storyline ends, my thoughts will echo your name until I see you again..." ~Taylor Swift "Enchanted"

This was a really awesome fanfic! I just have a couple of suggestions. I think you should go into greater detail about how Max got there. I know you explain, but maybe you should turn that into a seperate scene. I liked the tone as well as the voice of the story. Keep writing!

Fly On!

lol


on May. 20 2010 at 11:57 pm
Supernova7 GOLD, Redford, Texas
16 articles 6 photos 394 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let me cry my tears let me live in sorrow as long as you promise to be with me tomorrow
By Me:)

This was nicely written good job:)

on May. 20 2010 at 8:16 pm
justsmile164 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Talent is nothing without character."

this is such an interesting story :) great job!

on May. 20 2010 at 5:25 pm
Sketched97 PLATINUM, Silver Spring, Maryland
31 articles 4 photos 168 comments
I love the series, and this is really good!

on May. 16 2010 at 2:33 pm
Drama_Queen13 DIAMOND, Nantucket, Massachusetts
51 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live Life Like A Song."

I LOVE MAXIMUM RIDE!!! She's my idol and I just finished Fang and I miss it SO much! But this was INCRIDBLE! You should enter it in that James Patterson writing contest

JacobC GOLD said...
on May. 11 2010 at 6:52 am
JacobC GOLD, Belgium, Wisconsin
10 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Am I indecisive? Well, yes and no." -Anonymous

It is a great series.  I definately recommend that you read it.

on May. 6 2010 at 11:14 pm
.Escape.From.This.Afterlife. GOLD, Short Hills, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"bad blood is more satisfying to spill across the floor..."

I actually never read the series, but your writing has now got me interested!  Nice work!

BryannaJ. GOLD said...
on Apr. 19 2010 at 4:24 pm
BryannaJ. GOLD, Glendale, Arizona
13 articles 2 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."


-Anon.
"What is a Code Blue?!"


- Mr. Crepsley (Cirque Du Freak: Vampire's Assistant The Movie)

Lol my friend next to me is crazy about Maximum Ride! She said you did somewhat of a very good job. But I would say you did wonderful. Very nice. lol even though I've never read the books. lol But still good. *Stares at my fan-girl friend*


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