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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1985 comments.

whispersofthenight GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 2:40 pm
whispersofthenight GOLD, Tallahassee, Florida
10 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist; I paint with words.

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Hahaha, this is hilarious!! XD
NikitaBliss PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:34 pm
NikitaBliss PLATINUM, Galion, Ohio
21 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more you wait, the more it sucks.

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Haha, It is pretty good. ^^
ForeverWonderland BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:13 pm
ForeverWonderland BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
Cross me, and the protagonist dies. ...Then again, they probably will anyway.

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OMG LOL! I LOVE THIS! XD You. Are. A. Genius. I honestly hate Twilight; I liked it at first, but now it just REALLY irks me.

Thank you for making my day :)

KourtneyBriann BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 11:30 am
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
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OMV!!! LOL BIG TIME! This is soooo funny. Can't stop laughing. Ur great GRRLLLLLLLLLL. I love the twists too like the shooting and the dance off. :) :) :) :) :) LOL LOL LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Wordart SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 2:51 am
Wordart SILVER, Arvada, Colorado
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I read a the first few capters of twilite...

Boring!  Thank you for the intrepretation!

J.A.M. SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:07 am
J.A.M. SILVER, Lacey, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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This was hilarious! bravo. I could have saved so much time reading this instead of those books.
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 9:10 pm
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
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"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

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OMG that hilarious!!!
TheGoldenDomination SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 6:13 pm
TheGoldenDomination SILVER, Fort Dodge, Iowa
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~John Lennon

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omfg hahahahhahah XD that was amazing. hahah loved it.
Rock_Starr96 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 25 2010 at 2:55 am
Rock_Starr96 BRONZE, Somewhere, California
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Favorite Quote:
"Growing older is mandatory, growing up is an option." - Heather Brewer

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omg this is even better than the real twilight jkjkjk :D
Eatfoodzap SILVER said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 11:36 pm
Eatfoodzap SILVER, Winchester, Massachusetts
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Bahahah. This touches on all the over-dramatic, silly, "WTF-factor" parts of Twilight, cutting out the 2,000-odd pages of pointless fluff.

THIS=EPIC WIN. XD

DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 12:53 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

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hilarious.  ive got to admit that im not a huge fan of twilight, and sometimes i think its just so overdramatic that its laghable.  just like this.  great job!
KICK3593 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 11:13 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
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Sorry, correction. This IS awfully Satisfying!
KICK3593 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 11:12 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
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Oh my, this was awfully Satisfying!
his_country_girl SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 2:52 pm
his_country_girl SILVER, Goshen, Indiana
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this was great! i love twilight, but this was amazing. lol. =)
jward24895 SILVER said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 9:35 pm
jward24895 SILVER, Montour Falls, New York
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Hilarious! I LOVE it.
CloudWanderer BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 7:48 pm
CloudWanderer BRONZE, Wheelersburg, Ohio
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Listen i like twilight--at least the idea of twilight--but this made me L.O.L. I love this!
shalanda BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 11:13 am
shalanda BRONZE, Berwick, Louisiana
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Favorite Quote:
dont got one

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 love twilight too and my sister would kill me if she knew i laughed at this lol i absolutely love twilight but this is hilarious
Jean said...
on Jul. 21 2010 at 6:36 pm
Totally and completely accurate. I'm glad somebody did this.
MustangWriter1813 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 21 2010 at 12:34 pm
MustangWriter1813 PLATINUM, Crooks, South Dakota
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Im a big fan of twilight...but this makes me laugh!

Check out some of my stories, comment and rate them for me!

AgnotTheOdd GOLD said...
on Jul. 20 2010 at 10:10 pm
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I have a couple friends who would kill me for chuckling at this.

 

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