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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1807 comments. Post your own now!

Ann_Hill789 said...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 2:48 am
omigawd this is so hilarious! I love it!
forgottenpenname This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 12, 2009 at 12:16 pm
*laughing head off* Oh my gosh! Just! *gasps for breath* HILARIOUS!!*
Writer12 said...
Dec. 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Lol that was exactly what you said it would be.
bronte said...
Dec. 10, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Lol. Period.
Parasols said...
Dec. 10, 2009 at 2:18 pm
This is hilarious! :D
I'm tempted to film this with my friends when I see them over winter break. x)
Kaitbryn replied...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Ok, so I am a twi hard fan, but this is seriously hilarious!!
HollyFac said...
Dec. 7, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I love the Twilight Saga, but this made me laugh very, very hard.
LaylaViolet said...
Dec. 7, 2009 at 11:52 am
I don't know why everyone hates on Twilight. It's not bad. Many of you are just too critical. This did make me laugh, totally hilarious because I can picture the actors. Yes, the series is easy to sum up, but it doesn't mean it's awful.
caitlin.calamity said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm
AHHHHmazing. (: That's pretty much all there is to the books....
TheBoredGirl said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 4:30 pm
At least I'm not the only one who sees how good this series really is. Very good, my friend, very good.
UncertainlyClear said...
Dec. 5, 2009 at 3:59 pm
haha hilarious!
kjroberts said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:05 pm
haha this is great:) especially because the whole twilight plot could be summed up in two minutes. its pretty shallow.
photographer_author_artist_lover said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Ha! i love it! hilarious!!!
AzureGal said...
Dec. 3, 2009 at 1:50 am
Bones said...
Dec. 2, 2009 at 1:47 pm
OH my g o d that was the most fricken halarious thing i have ever read
SonnyChapman said...
Dec. 2, 2009 at 12:27 pm
That was hilarious! Best Twilight parody I've ever read.
Surferandwriter said...
Dec. 1, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Ohh wow! I have to admitt I like the Twilight Saga, but this was hularious. Good job!
ERGrey said...
Nov. 27, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Oh my gosh, this was too funny! I loved this! When I was reading the books I was like WTF is up with this story line and you basically summed it up. It's good to know there are other people out there that believe Twilight isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread.
kjroberts replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:06 pm
definately not. and when people compare it to harry potter?! pssht, they arent even in the same league.
outoforder2014 replied...
Dec. 12, 2009 at 9:26 am
ehh, i think ERGrey is right. there isnt really a story line to the Twilight Saga accept for an old guy that looks 17 falls in love with a girl and they go through all this drama, but it gets annoying when you get around to the last book, ya no? ehh. but thats just my opinion
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