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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

photographer_author_artist_lover said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Ha! i love it! hilarious!!!
 
AzureGal said...
Dec. 3, 2009 at 1:50 am
DUDE!! I LOVE U!! DO ANOTHER! =)
 
Bones said...
Dec. 2, 2009 at 1:47 pm
OH my g o d that was the most fricken halarious thing i have ever read
 
SonnyChapman said...
Dec. 2, 2009 at 12:27 pm
That was hilarious! Best Twilight parody I've ever read.
 
Surferandwriter said...
Dec. 1, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Ohh wow! I have to admitt I like the Twilight Saga, but this was hularious. Good job!
 
ERGrey said...
Nov. 27, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Oh my gosh, this was too funny! I loved this! When I was reading the books I was like WTF is up with this story line and you basically summed it up. It's good to know there are other people out there that believe Twilight isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread.
 
kjroberts replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:06 pm
definately not. and when people compare it to harry potter?! pssht, they arent even in the same league.
 
outoforder2014 replied...
Dec. 12, 2009 at 9:26 am
ehh, i think ERGrey is right. there isnt really a story line to the Twilight Saga accept for an old guy that looks 17 falls in love with a girl and they go through all this drama, but it gets annoying when you get around to the last book, ya no? ehh. but thats just my opinion
 
Soccergoalie7 said...
Nov. 26, 2009 at 8:58 pm
LOL! One of the most hilarious things I've seen in a while! That was so funny when Edward shot Bella... and I'm a Twilight Fan :). Go Jacob/Taylor Lautner!
 
Kayla Lautner replied...
Dec. 14, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Hahaha! I luved this....Yeah....GO TAYLOR lAUTNER!!!
 
Life.in.Plaid said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 7:21 pm
I LOVE ITTT! as an anti-twilight person, It made my day XD and I am SO sending this to all my friends, Twilight-loving and hating alike!
 
CheshireKitten said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Love it xDDD
 
LavenderStone said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 10:27 am
Genius! I think this sums it up really well, and it's hilarious!
 
ashley2055 said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 9:45 am
im a big twilight fan, and that was just too funny! i loved it!
 
AnneOnnimous said...
Nov. 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm
ugh, twilight is so stuupid!! the writing style is so terrible- harry potter is waaayyyy better! but good job
 
kjroberts replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:07 pm
you got that right :)
 
NewYorkDreamer said...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 2:49 pm
I loved this so much I decided to comment again!! (im OneWithWords at the bottom vvvv) Anyways I'm probably making a youtube vid of it. Permission?? and I will credit you. ~Amanda M. R.
 
Blac_Dawn11 said...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 8:09 am
This was to funny! I love it! I love Twilight too, I've read all the books, but this is good for people who don't want to read it.
 
LectorS said...
Nov. 17, 2009 at 8:55 am
I laughed so loud that the libraiain gave me funny looks. Hehehe
 
evie_girl_novelette445 said...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:23 pm
That was soo funny! I read it over again about 3 times! I absolutely love it! :D How did you come up with the idea?
So great! Do more like this!!
 
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