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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

CheshireKitten said...
Nov. 24, 2009 at 4:18 pm:
Love it xDDD
 
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LavenderStone said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 10:27 am:
Genius! I think this sums it up really well, and it's hilarious!
 
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ashley2055 said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 9:45 am:
im a big twilight fan, and that was just too funny! i loved it!
 
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AnneOnnimous said...
Nov. 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm:
ugh, twilight is so stuupid!! the writing style is so terrible- harry potter is waaayyyy better! but good job
 
kjroberts replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 3:07 pm :
you got that right :)
 
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NewYorkDreamer said...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 2:49 pm:
I loved this so much I decided to comment again!! (im OneWithWords at the bottom vvvv) Anyways I'm probably making a youtube vid of it. Permission?? and I will credit you. ~Amanda M. R.
 
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Blac_Dawn11 said...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 8:09 am:
This was to funny! I love it! I love Twilight too, I've read all the books, but this is good for people who don't want to read it.
 
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LectorS said...
Nov. 17, 2009 at 8:55 am:
I laughed so loud that the libraiain gave me funny looks. Hehehe
 
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evie_girl_novelette445 said...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:23 pm:
That was soo funny! I read it over again about 3 times! I absolutely love it! :D How did you come up with the idea?
So great! Do more like this!!
 
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Inkie said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 3:51 am:
I fell off my chair, i was laughing so much.
This was so random but so funny...
 
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13islucky said...
Nov. 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm:
Twilight is a good book and all but this is tooo funny how did you come upp with this idea
 
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KamakaziFrogs said...
Nov. 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm:
That was ingenious dude! I love the books and the movie (only a little less than the books). This was hilarious!
 
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Skittlez said...
Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:28 pm:
haha this was hilarious lol best 2 minutes of my life :P
 
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OutcastGirl1994 said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 1:50 pm:
aha i loved that!! kudos!!
 
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Cadmium said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 1:42 pm:
Oh god this was amazing. I'm pondering on doing a video for it haha.
 
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Old Man River said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 8:45 am:
wow. that was the best two minute story i have ever read. can't wait to see future stories! twilight is never been so great!
 
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Olivia_B said...
Nov. 10, 2009 at 7:23 pm:
I throughly enjoyed this. I at one time enjoyed the Twilight saga (before the plague that is a fandom sucked the very life from my adoration) and I found this better than the original. I needed a good laugh today, many thanks.
 
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Bethanatorrrr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 10, 2009 at 8:19 am:
This has to be one of the funniest and best parodies of Twilight I've read. Another good one is Duskiness. Check that one out. It's so funny.
Haha. I'm going to go check out you're other stuff now.
 
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PoetOfNyx16 said...
Nov. 9, 2009 at 2:12 pm:
dude, that is flipping halarious!! I may be a huge twilight fan but, you have me cracking up completley!!
 
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Mackenzie E. said...
Nov. 7, 2009 at 9:17 am:
Lucy, I had to show this to my Mom (we both like Twilight) and we agree that this is the shizzle. You rock. We love this. I hope that when the next fad comes along, you will be writing summaries of it as well, because this link is totally being posted on my facebook! XD
 
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