The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1984 comments.


on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:00 am
omfg that is HILARIOUS!!!

on Apr. 17 2010 at 3:44 pm
Sobriquet BRONZE, Buffalo Grove, Illinois
1 article 2 photos 9 comments
LOL I LOVED THIS! This was brilliant, especially because I HATE Twilight xD

on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:28 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"we have nothing to fear but fear itself".

right now I'm lmao!!!!!

on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:24 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"we have nothing to fear but fear itself".

LOL!!!!! Also Plz check out Eternal night: Capter 1 and COMMENT. :)

on Apr. 15 2010 at 9:06 pm
akwolfchick SILVER, Anchorage, Alaska
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Most of what people think and believe and a lot of their quotes comes from what others have said. Funny thing is is that I think I'm the only one who's said this".

Briliant! I'm not the biggest twilight fan so this really cracked me up!

on Apr. 15 2010 at 4:57 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

lolol that made me laugh!! ive only read the 1st two books but that was still funny!!!

on Apr. 15 2010 at 8:36 am
AmberAnn_d-_-b SILVER, Laconia, New Hampshire
9 articles 12 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff."~CFC

Oh my gosh hilarious, I love this. This pretty much captues it haha. I almost cried laughing XD

SandyC SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 9:57 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

LOL....i LUV this...i have been waiting for someone to make fun of the Twlight Saga, an you did it perfectly

robbi BRONZE said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:55 pm
robbi BRONZE, Goldsboro, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
quotes are for people who are too uncreative to come up with their own sources of information.----ME.

OMG that was awesomly perfect! i love twilight, but this was hilarious!: D

on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:07 pm
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

Nice! I LOVE the Twilight Saga, and this was halarious!!!!   I loved it! Kudos to you!

Metree SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 10:26 am
Metree SILVER, Machipongo, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Thank you so much for this gem lol it was awesome

on Apr. 14 2010 at 6:13 am
RosemarieCraig GOLD, Gloucestershire, Other
19 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
"The world is not inherited from our ancestors. It is borrowed from our children"

I READ THE SAGA AND LIKED IT LODES FOR LIKE SIX WEEKS! I EVEN GOT A TEE SHIRT! BUT YOUTSYOURS WAS REALLY FUNNY!!!! YOU SHOULD INCLUDE A MOCKING BIT ABOUT BELLABELLS BEING DEPRESSED FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE OF NEW MOON! "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY CHEST"!!!! HA HA HA U R FUNNY! BTW SOYY ABOUT CAPS, MY PHONE WONTWON'T LET ME WRITE IN LOWER CAPS! 

DaniW PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 8:30 pm
DaniW PLATINUM, New Bern, North Carolina
29 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
By Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

Oh my god... that was hillarious!!! :D My abs hurt from laughing so much! You should totally do this for more series!!!

on Apr. 13 2010 at 6:49 pm
Undiscovered PLATINUM, Trophy Club, Texas
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments
That was hysterical! Oh my gosh! I have been sick and tired of all these nutty Twilight fans that were ruining the book! This made me laugh!

on Apr. 13 2010 at 6:27 pm
SilentSerenity BRONZE, Brookfield, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word to the wise isn't nessesary, its the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby

lol

 

Stop it! cant you see? My Eggo Is Preggo!

 

BEST LINE IN THE WHOLE SCETCH!!!!!!!!!


on Apr. 13 2010 at 9:59 am
MusicLover2012 SILVER, Beloit, Kansas
6 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nathaniel Ayers: Beauty is art; music is beauty.

Nathaniel Ayers: You can't hold down angels.

Steve Lopez: A year ago, I met a man who was down on his luck and thought I might be able to help him. I don't know th

This was quite hilarious. You should do this for other series.

on Apr. 12 2010 at 7:00 pm
burningembers GOLD, Union City, Ohio
10 articles 0 photos 51 comments
I love this!!  You phrased things perfectly; I was cracking up the whole time : )

on Apr. 12 2010 at 3:00 pm
psychedelic_wAves, Austin, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way"~ Axl Rose quote

Amen to that

on Apr. 12 2010 at 2:42 pm
silverkiramoto BRONZE, Clearlake, California
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"The mark of a true friend; when you get in to one of those situations where you've really messed up or hurt yourself, and you did something stupid to get there, they will proceed to laugh at you, because they're honest enough to remind you of it."

All I have to say is this...THANK YOU. I've been so surrounded by Twilight monkeys (aka my sister and stepmother) that this is a wonderful relief. Granted, I've read the books, I liked them alright, but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. >> But, again, congrats.

on Apr. 11 2010 at 6:49 pm
little-miss-mistakes GOLD, Plano, Texas
18 articles 2 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
even after all these years the sun has never said to the earth, you owe me... look at what a love like that can do, it can light up the sky

hahahahah!!

awesome!!