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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.




Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

NovelistAnonymous said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:55 pm:
Ha!
This was epic!
If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.
 
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truelove4ever222 said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 8:59 pm:
Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P
 
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Amour said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm:
Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^
 
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AngelDreamer said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm:
Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D
 
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sadimcm said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 9:24 am:
I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING OVER AND OVER
 
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Arpanan said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 10:54 pm:
LOVE THIS!
 
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siobhansgrant This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm:
"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."
love it. XD
 
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millz said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:21 pm:
hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!
 
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JHale_44 said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 5:04 pm:
Haha so funny becasue so true!
 
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spiceyredpepper said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 3:57 pm:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS! I LUVED IT!
 
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Nicovera said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 9:51 pm:
Oh my gosh, this is perfect! I was literally laughing out loud!
 
Akio-san replied...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 2:38 pm :
LOVEED IT!! It made me LOLZ great i wanna see thi svertion of twillite now
 
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RealLifeNightmare said...
Dec. 18, 2009 at 9:01 pm:
I LOVEE it!!! I am a HUMUNGO Twilight fan, and that sounded exactly like something I would say. NO hate there. I sent the link to al my friends and i will make a video also and send it to you!! Byee!!!
 
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sadimcm said...
Dec. 17, 2009 at 12:51 pm:
OMG THIS is so funny I LOVE TWILGHT BUT THIS IS PERFECT....... its so awsome!!!Q!
 
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yoursunshinee59 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 9:41 pm:
LMAO! i LOVED it! I'm a huge Twilight fan, but I'm fine with parodies cause they just make my day! (no hate!) That was by-far hilarious, lol though I think you should put in the entire Volturi thing so it'd be Twilight in five minutes but still catchy!(:
Awesome job!
 
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Truthwillprevail said...
Dec. 14, 2009 at 6:57 pm:
oh gosh! I am very very much anti-Twilight, thus, i loved this! and just so you all don't get the idea that i'm judging you for liking the books or movies, or you think i'm dissing without knowing anything about either, i've done my research. I have not and will not read or watch the Twilight books/movies.
 
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Navygal said...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 1:07 pm:
This was the best interpretation of Twilight yet!!! I couldn't stop laughing, because this is all so true. Keep up the great work!!
 
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Ann_Hill789 said...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 2:48 am:
omigawd this is so hilarious! I love it!
 
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forgottenpennameThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 12, 2009 at 12:16 pm:
*laughing head off* Oh my gosh! Just! *gasps for breath* HILARIOUS!!*
 
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Writer12 said...
Dec. 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm:
Lol that was exactly what you said it would be.
 
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