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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1774 comments. Post your own!

awesomecutie714 said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:16 am:
this was sooo funny im still laughing hahahaha
 
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kiwi12 said...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm:
this made me laugh, even though i havent seen the movies or read the books.
I think it will amuse me forever!
 
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Hay.467 said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 5:47 pm:
That's so totally hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing!
 
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~*HopelesslyCrushed*~ said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 12:00 pm:
hahaha!! i love twilight but this was really funny!! :D great job!! :D
 
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roczyyy said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 4:07 pm:
I read tha book twilight saga now mon and it's totally different by movie.I think you shoud to read tha book necessarily.Good luck!
 
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This*Lit*Is*Bananas This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 8:24 am:
lmao I'm laughing so hard right now. I liked the books, but I am NOT a Twilighter and I do do my fair share of fun-poking at Twilight....this was hilarious. Five stars as well! :D
 
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PurpleMoonlight said...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 11:56 am:
Lol! I'm not a Twi-hard, but I did sorta enjoy the books. Bella is so whiny, it's annoying. You really captured her in this little paraody. 5 stars!
 
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alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 6:30 pm:
wow this was hilarious!!! i loved it!!
 
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Writer24 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm:
This is a good 5 minute screen adaption. You should make it into a movie and post a link here!
 
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Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm:
TOTALLY. MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE FOR YOUTUBE! have you seen the shortened romeo and juliet play?? you should! you would love it!
 
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NovelistAnonymous said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:55 pm:
Ha!
This was epic!
If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.
 
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truelove4ever222 said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 8:59 pm:
Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P
 
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Amour said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm:
Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^
 
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AngelDreamer said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm:
Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D
 
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sadimcm said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 9:24 am:
I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING OVER AND OVER
 
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Arpanan said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 10:54 pm:
LOVE THIS!
 
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siobhansgrant This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm:
"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."
love it. XD
 
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millz said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:21 pm:
hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!
 
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JHale_44 said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 5:04 pm:
Haha so funny becasue so true!
 
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spiceyredpepper said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 3:57 pm:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS! I LUVED IT!
 
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