Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

L_Carshell said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 1:23 pm
This. Was. Epic. I don't even like Twilight, and this has made my day entirely. Thank you.
 
awesomecutie714 said...
Jan. 7, 2010 at 11:16 am
this was sooo funny im still laughing hahahaha
 
kiwi12 said...
Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm
this made me laugh, even though i havent seen the movies or read the books.
I think it will amuse me forever!
 
Hay.467 said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 5:47 pm
That's so totally hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing!
 
~*HopelesslyCrushed*~ said...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 12:00 pm
hahaha!! i love twilight but this was really funny!! :D great job!! :D
 
roczyyy said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I read tha book twilight saga now mon and it's totally different by movie.I think you shoud to read tha book necessarily.Good luck!
 
This*Lit*Is*Bananas This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 8:24 am
lmao I'm laughing so hard right now. I liked the books, but I am NOT a Twilighter and I do do my fair share of fun-poking at Twilight....this was hilarious. Five stars as well! :D
 
PurpleMoonlight said...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 11:56 am
Lol! I'm not a Twi-hard, but I did sorta enjoy the books. Bella is so whiny, it's annoying. You really captured her in this little paraody. 5 stars!
 
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 6:30 pm
wow this was hilarious!!! i loved it!!
 
Writer24 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm
This is a good 5 minute screen adaption. You should make it into a movie and post a link here!
 
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm
TOTALLY. MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE FOR YOUTUBE! have you seen the shortened romeo and juliet play?? you should! you would love it!
 
NovelistAnonymous said...
Dec. 23, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Ha!
This was epic!
If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.
 
truelove4ever222 said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P
 
Amour said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^
 
AngelDreamer said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D
 
sadimcm said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 9:24 am
I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING OVER AND OVER
 
Arpanan said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 10:54 pm
LOVE THIS!
 
siobhansgrant This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm
"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."
love it. XD
 
millz said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:21 pm
hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!
 
JHale_44 said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Haha so funny becasue so true!
 
Site Feedback