The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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haleyelizabethloveswriting said...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 12:07 am
This is hilarious!
stephers said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 11:30 am
lol i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was hysterical
firstsnowfalls This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 4, 2010 at 1:40 pm
hahahaha this is hilarious!  great job.
sarahjanesinginrain said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm
haha so funny. It's extremely accurate to :P
foreverwelsh said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Isajo said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 12:45 pm
HAHAHA! vrey good.. and very accurate :) haha
cupcakesNbrownies97 said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 10:24 am
HA! I love this! Sums it up in a very nice way. EVERYONE should read this!
FluteChick said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hahaha, loved it so much I had to write one of my own. :D
ZAVERY said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 10:29 am

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

Lol XD

ZAVERY said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Lol, this was soooooo funny! XD

Love this!

whysosirius said...
Mar. 31, 2010 at 7:55 pm
This made my day a lot better. You are now my hero. When Edward shoots Bella and Jacob face palms? Amazing.
Sarbear This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31, 2010 at 7:42 pm
this is so funny! i now know that there is someone else out there that sees the "to die for" twilight saga is pretty corny. great job and check out some of my work too :)
thank_god_for_guava said...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 3:33 pm

You are a genius. And the song choices are great!

The dance-off is also a theme in my fanfics. Although I guess this is the opposite of a fanfic.

take1_step_@_a_time said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 10:57 am
funny (: cant you see my eggo is pergo!
TheMightyZeus replied...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 6:27 pm



Stop it! cant you see? My Eggo Is Preggo!



Laughternchoclate said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 5:21 pm
snap, losta comments... lol
Sandywolf said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 6:49 pm
I wish I'd found this before wasting my life on the real series.
WiseGirl said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 6:06 pm
I love it. You are hilarious!
CourtneyH said...
Mar. 21, 2010 at 11:32 am
this is so funny!
citylightsgirl93 said...
Mar. 20, 2010 at 6:55 pm
this was extremely funny! I am a twilight fan, but not one of those freaks who always talk about it and i dont agree with everything they did in the books and movies and so this was extremely funny to me! pls check out some of my stuff
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