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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



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This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

Tigerstarz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm:
This is so funny- the best Twilight parody ever! XD
 
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pfeferminz said...
Jan. 30, 2010 at 12:30 pm:
hahahahahaha This So funny
 
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hawhawhannahfeb said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 5:01 pm:
hahahahhaaa......lmfao
 
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lily1411 said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 1:28 pm:
Dude, this is hilarious! VERY creative too, haha:D You should so do more of other movies/books!
 
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Logan M. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 8:26 am:
This made me lol. Great job!
 
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live~en~livre said...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 11:00 am:
That was really hilarious! good job! you should do one for... hm.... idk... like harry potter.... but that might be really hard. O well! great job!
 
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Kendra K. said...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 10:06 pm:
well you made me laugh so I'll give you point for that, if not for complete accuracy
 
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XXtokioxhotelxobsessedXX said...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 8:55 am:
dude, that was like the most awesomest thing ive ever read!!!!! it was epic and i loved it
 
expressiveme replied...
Jan. 23, 2010 at 3:33 pm :
its was really good and captured the good moments of it... made me smile :)
 
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lostdreams said...
Jan. 22, 2010 at 2:54 am:
epic GENIUS! Loved it from start to finish.
 
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Danica R. said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 2:28 pm:
Lol, that made my day xD
 
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jordan<3 said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 11:05 am:
Terrific.
xD
 
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ImWatchingYou said...
Jan. 19, 2010 at 9:35 am:
LOL!! That made me cry! \m/>.<\m/ You have to write another one of these! It's histerical!
 
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KellyBelle said...
Jan. 15, 2010 at 10:26 pm:
Fabulous. Simply Fabulous.
 
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Emilot said...
Jan. 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm:
Dudez! Go to the very bottom and see the add for Breaking Dawn!
 
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Emilot said...
Jan. 13, 2010 at 4:57 pm:
Hi! Whats up felllow peps?
 
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eadams said...
Jan. 12, 2010 at 9:50 am:
spot on! oh, mean, that was good! the Volturi or whatever thing was so disappointing too! I think Meyer just wrote herself with a "hot" vampire, changed her name in the script, and then realized "oh shi--- I need an antagonist!"
 
lostdreams replied...
Jan. 22, 2010 at 2:52 am :
Oh definately. I swear to you, just look at what's her face in the movie and stephanie meyer. They look pretty much the same. It's insane.
 
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mgs_92 said...
Jan. 11, 2010 at 10:50 pm:
OMG!!! This is seriously the best thing I have ever read.
 
Emilot replied...
Jan. 12, 2010 at 11:10 pm :
I know! Im a huge Twilight fan and I just laughed and laughed at that!!
 
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