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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1799 comments. Post your own now!

EcoWriter3 said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Haha this is funny...and pretty accurate, too! :P
emajin96! said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Ha, I love the Twilight books, but I have to admit, this is pretty funny... :)
renthead101 said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Omg!!! i looove this! I used to be the typical twlight fan (no offense if you any is who is reading this) but am sick of it...this is so funny!!!
Alexis R. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Same here.
sidneynicole said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 5:47 pm
i lol'd at this hahah
DeadlyPoppy said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Hahaha, brilliance. This is exactly what Twilight is too.
Coran said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm
HA!!!!! I love it! It's hilarious!
born_to_be_a_writer said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 3:14 pm
lol this is halarious! XD
ZadaRox101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Haha, that's funny! I love it!
josexper said...
Mar. 16, 2010 at 7:37 pm
katniss said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 10:06 pm
yay!! finaly a good twilight
Layla K. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 7:04 pm
HAHAHA so right! Love the Volturi part!!!!
RyanDouglass said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 11:23 am
LOL. Amazing!
Drama_Queen13 said...
Mar. 13, 2010 at 5:57 pm
I'm an ex-Twilight-addict, and I thought I still didn't think Anti-Twilighter's stuff was that funny. You changed that XD
electricity said...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 3:37 pm
I love this! It's a complete summary of the twilight saga.. Great, you just made my day XD
alice! said...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 9:04 am
Lol!! :) :).. Definitely going to my favourites!!! Nice one!! :D :D!!!
JeanGrey said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 2:56 pm
THAT....WAS...AWESOME!!!funniest thing about Twilight I ever read!
arellasinu said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 9:43 am
that was the funnyest twilight fan story im ever read!! and trust me i read alot lol
Dragonslayer5000 said...
Mar. 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm
lol, Good job! :)
Ashley S. said...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Oh my goodness! This is awesome! Absolutely hilarious! I gotta give you props; you are now my hero.
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