Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1771 comments. Post your own!

MusicIsLife013 said...
Mar. 4, 2010 at 5:57 pm:
that was the funniest thing ever!!!! :)
 
WhiteTigress replied...
Mar. 15, 2010 at 10:20 am :
RLMAO that was awesome
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
inspiredpoet said...
Mar. 4, 2010 at 5:48 pm:
Hilarious. great job
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
SilverSnowflakes said...
Mar. 3, 2010 at 2:56 pm:
I like twilight - don't love it or hate it, and this was really funny! especially since I mis-read 'minutes' as 'minuets' and had this mental image of some people dancing two minuets during the play...
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
XenonG said...
Mar. 3, 2010 at 5:52 am:
that was hilarious!!!! definitely going in my favorites!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
live.laugh.spaz said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 5:44 am:
this is SO FUNNNY xD :) you should really make a movie with this....its HILARIOUS ;D
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
BradTastic17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 3:18 pm:
Wow, so funny! I love how even in this small excerpt of the saga, Edward had more personality than he did in the actual books. Thanks for the laugh.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
redcg416 said...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 11:48 am:
This was so true and halarious. It was awsome even to a die-hard Twilight fan like me.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Jenna95rae said...
Feb. 26, 2010 at 9:31 pm:
lol amazing! I love the Twilight series but this is still funny! :D
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Charlotte C. said...
Feb. 25, 2010 at 5:49 pm:
That was so funny, thanking for giving Twilight Humor
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Dkeg012 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 1:29 pm:
I'm still laughing. Way better than the book!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
lh42195 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 10:02 pm:
I think I probally laughed throughout this whole thing! I especially liked when Edward shoots Bella. In my opinion, that would have been a better ending than the actual saga. :)
 
heryearningloveforhatred This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 10:28 pm :
Hilarious! Loved it :)
 
purplechoc replied...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 3:10 pm :
heck yeah
i totally agree
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
FreelyFlying said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:45 pm:
God, this is awesome!
The only thing that would've made it better is if you stuck the part about the giant huskies rushing into the rescue . . . and then the Volturi just running away so everyone had nothing to do. XD
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
sasssgirrrl22 said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 8:34 pm:
lol! i didnt hav any idea wht this was at first but then it made more sense as it went on. ha very good
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
trestonsgirl said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm:
i used to love twilight but realized how awful it was-vampires dont sparkle-i loved this article!!!!!!! really really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
trestonsgirl said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 7:32 pm:
omg i loved that i used to love twilight but then i realized how gay it is and that soooooooo sums up the twilight saga!!!!!!!!!!!!! loved it
 
creativityrules replied...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 10:38 pm :
yeah....this was amazing.... but i must defend my fab book from trestonsgirl.... sweety, twilight's not gay ....
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Anna F. said...
Feb. 23, 2010 at 7:30 pm:
I'm not a big fan of Twilight at all, but I read the 1st book, and heard about the rest -- you summed it up PERFECTLY.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback