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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.




Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

venomaheart said...
Mar. 4, 2011 at 7:59 am:
I can't stand all things Twilight and Twilight related (meaning real twilight.) so you totally just made my day. This totally explains everything, down to the T...haha wow that actually worked. Great job!
 
Rude Girl replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm :
Then Freak You if you don't like Twilight.
 
venomaheart replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 5:51 pm :
I don't mean to start an argument, but my opinions are my own. You don't have to but a judgmental jerk about it. If I don't like Twilight, that's me. If you do, great. You don't have to go insulting me because of it.
 
Rude Girl replied...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm :
True So I can't believe I'm saying this but sorry.
 
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Gangsta crip said...
Mar. 4, 2011 at 6:51 am:

I thought this was very creative!

and funny!!

I haven't really seen the movie soo... but I think it would be much more funny if I had seen the movie!

 
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Da Writer said...
Mar. 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm:
very funny
 
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lil reeses1015 said...
Mar. 3, 2011 at 9:14 am:
wowwwwwwwwww
 
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Catriona A. said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:37 pm:
From a massive twilight fan, that was really funny. Yes, it slags it off but it was clever all the same. Anyone who hasn't read twilight read it though. I didn't wat to coz everyone was obsessedbut then i did and i loved it.. its addictive!
 
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BadWolf said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:08 pm:
This is absolutely hilarious!
 
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bookdevourer101 said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:07 am:
Hilarious!!!! I loved it!
 
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SoSammieWhatsUP said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 10:06 am:
lol well that was help full lol
 
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B.R.Nack said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 9:11 pm:
That was amazing
 
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Aderes18 said...
Feb. 27, 2011 at 5:02 pm:
This was the most funniest piece that I have ever read on teen ink. Personally I am a Team Jacob and I think Twilight is OK. It's not great but it's not awful(the book anyway) Oh, I recommended it to all my friends! 
 
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PrincessGrace said...
Feb. 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm:
This is sooo funny! Exactly what the Twilight saga is :)
 
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erh94 said...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 7:55 pm:
"My eggo is preggo" XD, very nice!
 
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WeLiveForScarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm:
Love this.
 
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xxbloodyroses66 said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 11:59 am:

I LOVE YOU AS OF NOW!!!

(i posted the IF YOU LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER GO HERE!!!)

 
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B-star7This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 8:48 pm:
I LOVE this! I like Twilight but I hate it because everyone is drooling over it. This is the best summary EVER! Keep writing!!!
 
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kjlaker22 said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 8:28 pm:
this is awesome
 
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SummerDays11 said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm:
Wow! That was so surprising.  Reading that was more worth it than reading the four books.
 
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