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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1843 comments. Post your own now!

maki_rain said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Better than the original. Nice job.
hungergames said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 9:41 am
surprisingly accurate...
loopybanana replied...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 9:15 am
nice name :)
hungergames replied...
Apr. 20, 2011 at 11:54 am
Thanks and right back at you!
Messa said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 8:44 pm
Haha, hilarious! And yet, so accurate :P
MadiBird said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 10:55 am
Oh my god, I love this! I'm totally gonna grab some friends and film this - and credit you of course! =)
dorcha-aingeal said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 10:53 am
i love  it's funny 
starxoxo23 said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 9:07 am
Haha this is great!
Mary_S. said...
Apr. 16, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I don't know WHO could flame this! This is seriously epic! I was laughing the whole entire time I read it!
LiveInTheMoment said...
Apr. 16, 2011 at 11:38 am
Hahaha, this was hilarious! I totally agree, the Twilight Saga is cheesy and pointless. This was funny, and cute. Loved it! Hope that you continue writing, and never lose that sense of humor! If you have time, please check out, rate, and comment on my poem, The Girl Inside. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! 8)
alyssabug97 said...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Nice! Lol loved it!


bayleegurl said...
Apr. 15, 2011 at 6:22 pm
lol i was giggling the whole time... AGREED... TWILIGHT SUCKSS
AlexisNicole94 said...
Apr. 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm
This is so funny! :) I love it and I love the fact that it is a drama :) Keep up the good work! :)
mileypoo said...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 10:51 am
That is hilarious!  I've always thought Kristen was a terrible actor, so... keep it up!
Paranormal4Ever said...
Apr. 9, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Paranormal4Ever said...
Apr. 9, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Epically Funny!!!!!!!!!!!
music_is_my_passion_writing_is_my_soul said...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I love the original Twilight books, but this was hilarious!!!! I loved it!!!
xxblahhhO.o replied...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 9:19 am
Same :D Agreed!!
Jennifer_Krasinski said...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 5:03 pm


that's all:)

massacre said...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm
That just might be the BEST fanfiction that I have EVER read. Ever.
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