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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion

This article has 1775 comments. Post your own now!

star3x8 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 7:38 pm
This was hilarious and amazing! I'm not a Twilight fan at all and I think it's great! I love the pop culture references, like Bella saying "I'm aliiive!" and the Michael Jackson piece. Keep it up!
 
JacobG. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
This was awesome. Hi five for the author hope you right another one soon.
 
bookworm103 said...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Holy crap that is brilliant!!!!
 
kimgagagaag said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 9:33 am
you did very well on this peice i say go on and write more plays=-) lolz
 
RatGirl15 said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm
i think i just died laughing,came back, died again, and then repeated the process!
 
Smartie4Life said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Oh. My. Gosh. I'm not a big fan of Twilight and this just summed up how I feel about that series perfectly! Couldn't stop laughing!
 
KittyNeko said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:22 am
wow this is too funny! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
 
Milly0900 said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 1:04 am
I LOVE this!! It's SUPER FUNNY!!!
 
Littlebit495 said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 7:48 am
This is absolutley hilarious! I'm a fan of Twilight but i love the spoofs- i might actually make a movie out of this. :)
 
AmbersGotIT said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Even though this is a slam to the Twilight Saga, which is fun every time, it is amazing it's the 2nd top rated fiction story on here. Good job!
 
VATSVD said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 10:34 am
OMG! That is so funny! I love it!
 
ghostwolf said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 11:54 am
this is amazing...i LOVE IT
 
Toastminion said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Though there are many others who find the Twilight Saga to be shallow, there is no need to jump on the "Let's all make fun of Twilight" bandwagon. I do not see the humour in this parody as the so-called parody does not poke fun of the series in a brilliant way. There is little correlation to the actual book, and the humor is immature.

 

 

 
VATSVD replied...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 10:38 am
Ok. i agree becuase i am a twilight lover! but it was funny. i actually tend to slam the making fun of. but this was the exception! lol
 
Cant Be Tamed replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I agreee with Toastminion seriously grow up already. Just becuase you don't like Twilight doesn't mean you got to make fun of it.

 

 

 
InvisibleNerdGirl replied...
Mar. 23, 2011 at 7:44 pm
True. But not liking something is, you must admit, a very good reason to make fun of it. ;)
 
Cant Be Ramed replied...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Thats an excellent point.
 
Savi101 said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:21 pm
OMG too funny :D i love it <3
 
DarkAngel623 said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 2:23 pm
lol! funny :D
 
Suncup said...
Mar. 7, 2011 at 10:42 pm
This is very epic.
 
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