The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.

on Jun. 15 2011 at 6:44 pm
Arco_Sine BRONZE, Berwyn, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments
It's alright to point out bad comedy in a bad script.

Bones96 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 15 2011 at 5:16 pm
Bones96 BRONZE, Charlotte, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about finding yourself it's about creating yourself-

That's was funny, I loved it and much better then the movie or books.

on Jun. 13 2011 at 4:51 pm
SarcasticPersonInTraining BRONZE, Woodbury, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 49 comments
dont be hatin

on Jun. 13 2011 at 12:35 pm
vannatee101 BRONZE, Montgomery, Alabama
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is a power, with a smile as it's sword.

Genius! This would make a great skit for the showcase at our school.

on Jun. 10 2011 at 2:36 pm
Bgeekgirl24 GOLD, Bellefontaine, Ohio
16 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
Eat healthy. Excersize daily. Die anyway.

Wow that's one way to put it! I loved it! So funny.

Ramsha S. said...
on Jun. 8 2011 at 9:41 pm

So funny! Definitely better than the real book!


liliy said...
on Jun. 7 2011 at 9:42 am
my eggo is preggo, thats stupid not even funny,

on Jun. 6 2011 at 11:16 am
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

best line : Dance off !! :)

on Jun. 6 2011 at 11:13 am
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

don't know if i wrote a comment already coz i've read this about 100 times so i'll just say it once more : HILARIOUS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!! could you do this with the harry potter series ???? ( and i'm a fan of both ) but ur soo good at this !!! :) 5/5 :D 

on Jun. 4 2011 at 11:23 pm
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writer's Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike." -- Anonomous
"A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."--Thomas Mann


Wooow...I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you don't like Twilight very much, right?

lol.  Nice job.  ^_^

Kailey4 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 4 2011 at 8:00 pm
Kailey4 BRONZE, Simpsonville, South Carolina
4 articles 3 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Né io pitorre" - Michelangelo

I love Twilight and I would usually be defensive...but this was really really funny;) There's always room to make fun of Twilight XD 

on Jun. 4 2011 at 11:05 am
Starling005 SILVER, Humboldt, Iowa
7 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
it is better to be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt

-Abraham Lincoln

niiiice lol..

Raisa GOLD said...
on Jun. 3 2011 at 11:44 am
Raisa GOLD, Dinajpur (Sadar), Other
10 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever dare to achieve greatly."


on Jun. 3 2011 at 11:33 am
Niharika BRONZE, Kanpur, Other
3 articles 2 photos 3 comments
Hilarious! My eggo is preggo. Lol :P

on Jun. 3 2011 at 9:58 am
KaylynVictoria SILVER, Breaux Bridge, Louisiana
5 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
Always keep your head up so you never have an excuse to look down at yourself(:

ive read this  soooooooo    many times i can say it without looking! <3 it!

on Jun. 2 2011 at 8:56 pm

I know! That would be awesomeness! :D I've been wanting this author to write more stuff, but I guess not.... :(

(*whisper-yell* HINT, HINT, AUTHOR!! ;) )

MeatBall said...
on Jun. 1 2011 at 9:36 am
Hahaha. This is sooo hiliraious! jahahhahhaha>(:

on May. 31 2011 at 10:40 pm
StelaDalca GOLD, Allen, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Embrace your inner Awesomeness!

LOL! way better than stephanie Meyer

on May. 31 2011 at 7:06 pm
tatertot1311 BRONZE, Johnson, Vermont
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dance like no one is watching you"

This is amazing!!! I haven't stopped laughing!!! :)

Canfani BRONZE said...
on May. 31 2011 at 6:02 pm
Canfani BRONZE, San Bernardino, California
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writing can lead to words, dimensions...

I really like Twilight and that was way better than the original. Keep going!


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