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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1783 comments. Post your own now!

JustAnotherWriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 6:00 pm
This was hilarious! It had me laughing till the end.
KuroNekoXIII said...
Mar. 24, 2011 at 11:09 am
This was so great! I cannot stop laughing. It's short, but pretty accurate. Very nice job with this.
Cookie3 said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Ahahahah! You're a good comedian:)
Kels said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm

That made me laugh out loud.

Thank you for posting. :D

jazzy16 said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm
lol. that was great! you should make that into a youtube video.
Ashlee H. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 10:22 am
Oh my gosh! I can't help but laughing! So true....Good job
charm said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Wow! I coudn't help but laugh! I was never the biggest fan of Twilight, but you hit everything on the spot with humor. Loved it!
zero_123 said...
Mar. 18, 2011 at 10:23 pm
ahaha that was so funny! i love this...i really dont know what to call it :) i use to like twilight but dropped it...and now think that this is a good summary
star3x8 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 7:38 pm
This was hilarious and amazing! I'm not a Twilight fan at all and I think it's great! I love the pop culture references, like Bella saying "I'm aliiive!" and the Michael Jackson piece. Keep it up!
JacobG. said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
This was awesome. Hi five for the author hope you right another one soon.
bookworm103 said...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Holy crap that is brilliant!!!!
kimgagagaag said...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 9:33 am
you did very well on this peice i say go on and write more plays=-) lolz
RatGirl15 said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm
i think i just died laughing,came back, died again, and then repeated the process!
Smartie4Life said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Oh. My. Gosh. I'm not a big fan of Twilight and this just summed up how I feel about that series perfectly! Couldn't stop laughing!
KittyNeko said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 11:22 am
wow this is too funny! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
Milly0900 said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 1:04 am
I LOVE this!! It's SUPER FUNNY!!!
Littlebit495 said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 7:48 am
This is absolutley hilarious! I'm a fan of Twilight but i love the spoofs- i might actually make a movie out of this. :)
AmbersGotIT said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Even though this is a slam to the Twilight Saga, which is fun every time, it is amazing it's the 2nd top rated fiction story on here. Good job!
VATSVD said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 10:34 am
OMG! That is so funny! I love it!
ghostwolf said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 11:54 am
this is amazing...i LOVE IT
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