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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1861 comments. Post your own now!

Cosgrove said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:08 am
I must say, this is freakin hilarious >:D
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:10 am
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:11 am
and dont freak out people. i know this girl :)
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 10, 2011 at 6:31 am
Meko8195 said...
May 9, 2011 at 10:07 am
LOL my eggo is preggo! i love it :D
Cosgrove replied...
May 10, 2011 at 9:52 am
Pssst pssst hey, I know you too >:D
Meko8195 replied...
May 10, 2011 at 10:26 am
>;) yup yup
Marina_V.S. said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:49 am
Harsh, but true ;)  this is really creative and funny, good job :)
KCayla said...
May 9, 2011 at 6:12 am
Nice. That is really funny. I'm a Twilight fan but, I love reading about people making fun of it. Nice job. :)
koda_ki said...
May 8, 2011 at 11:52 pm
So funny, read it in history when meant to be working cracked up laughing!Good work :D
KCayla replied...
May 24, 2011 at 5:57 am
Wow, that sounds like soemthing I would do. lol XD
Ninja_Writer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Hahahaha... he pulls out a gun and shoots her-- good job, very funny.
booklover104 said...
May 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

hilariously funny, I was doubtul to read it, but it was really funny well, that is pretty much how everyrhing ocurred good job =)


BrokenReality said...
May 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm
the twilight saga sounded even better like this, michael jackson made it 5 times better!!!
love_and_anatomy said...
May 2, 2011 at 11:05 am
hilaaaaaarious. xD
allegraconbrio said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:59 pm
That was... hilarious! Fantastically done. ;)
purplelass_3209 said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 1:57 am
 It was great and better than twillight
MissTarbet said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I like twilight, but I almost like this better
Sacrifice said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I think some friends and i are going to fiml this and show it at the talent show at school next year. (you'll be credted, of course. :D)
zoid123 said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hahahaha...I love this it's so funny...I love twilight; but this is just great. You did a really good job on this.
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