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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1842 comments. Post your own now!

zoid123 said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hahahaha...I love this it's so funny...I love twilight; but this is just great. You did a really good job on this.
porybows This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 1:40 am
WritingSpasms said...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm
 I am dying. xD
Odessa_Sterling00 said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Wow.  Sooo funny.  (Sarcastic if it's hard to tell.)

I don't like twilight so much, but I mean the people who take the time to make fun of it are also the people who read all the book and see all the movies the first week they come out.  

Odessa_Sterling00 replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 11:10 pm


There's a reason this didn't make it into the magazine.

Untwilight replied...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Other than the fact that Stephanie Meyer could potentially sue the author and/or TeenInk for copyright infringement?
Meko8195 replied...
May 9, 2011 at 10:10 am
I didnt enjoy the movie...and the books were "okay" .....BUT THIS! this was film worthy. totally awsome and i wouldnt diss on this "too" much. YOU clicked on the link lol.
InvisibleNerdGirl replied...
May 9, 2011 at 7:25 pm

(*same person as Untwilight :P)

I like it, actually! :) I was just pointing out that the main reason that none of the fan fiction gets in the magazine is the copyright issues. I know this because my dad teaches copyright law and it tends to infiltrate your brain under such circumstances. O_O

imawriter said...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Everyone in the world: YYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D
life_love said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 11:25 pm
This is SO true about Twilight--I love it!
xoteryn said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 9:02 pm
haha i love this so much! it's great! 
JessicaR said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm
LMFAO!! OMG I'm crying from laughing so hard!
icefireinsanity replied...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 5:58 pm
LMFAO i love this! i'm still laughing ten minutes later... XD
JessicaR replied...
Apr. 22, 2011 at 7:59 am
Ikr its so funny i showed it to my mom and i swear she almost wet herself XD
cristibabygirl said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:40 am
that is hilarious (: :D
xxGummiBearxx said...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Hahaha Loved it!
Made me laugh.[:
Darkchloe14 said...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 10:57 am
genious. Just pure genious. Make a youtube parody please!!!!!
loopybanana said...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 9:16 am
lol....... soooooooo true x
ExpRESsY0uRselF said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 5:07 pm
AHAHAHAHAHA! I was looking at this with some friends, and we were all cracking up like mad! 8) BTW, if you can, please check out, comment on, and rate my poems, The Girl Inside, Remembering Spring, and You Are the Lyrics In Me. THanks!!!!! 8)
maki_rain said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Better than the original. Nice job.
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